Mike brought a copy of RoboGeisha. It's a 2009 Japanese film by the same guys who made Machine Girl. It's another movie in a long line of body modification movies that seem to be so popular in Japan. What the fuck is up with that? In RoboGeisha a woman and her sister are caught up by an evil corporation and turned into secret geisha assassins. While they are getting trained up the sisters compete with each other to see who can have more weapons shoved into their bodies. The older sister had her breast removed and a gattling gun installed. They both have swords that shoot out of their armpits. There's machine guns in the younger sisters hair. Other women have swords that stick out of their asses and they can fire those little ninja throwing stars out of their butt cracks. Once they get their training the gals get right to killin'. It's a fairly fast paced kitchen sink style action comedy. Toss everything in you can think of, hope someone laughs.
There's a guy stabbed in his eyes with crunchy fried shrimp. It's actually pretty funny. There's a poor relationship, between the sisters, that often drags the movie to a shuddering halt. A lot of that should have been trimmed. It's a 102 minutes and that's way too long. There's corporate intrigue and assassination at the hands of the evil corporation. They want to destroy Japan by having a giant transforming robot temple toss a huge missle into Mount Fuji. He almost makes it too, trudging up the snow covered mountain with his house size bomb. You can see most of this goofy shit in the trailer. I've hidden a link somewhere in this post. There's the parents of the kidnapped geishas who fight for their children's return and get slaughtered in a hail of CGI bullet hits and blood sprays. The CGI is pretty fakey, especially all those gouts of blood bursting off the wounded. The physical effects are better but often so stylized you can only laugh, or wonder...wtf? At times nothing much makes any sense and you just have to go with it. About half of it was fairly entertaining but the rest dragged it down. It's not one I feel I need to see again, especially since better movies don't get rewatched enough as it is.
I had wanted to see The Orphanage, a 2007 Spanish ghost story, because of it's association with Guillermo Del Toro. He's the producer. The director is Juan Antonio Bayona. It's his first job, he made commercials and music videos, and he does well with the film making part. It's the story that bugged me. Laura, a former orphan, and her husband buy the orphanage she grew up in. They want to turn it back into a small home for special children. They have a son who has HIV. He makes some imaginary friends in the big old house. Nice place but we were sad that it didn't transform into a giant robot to save the say. It's funny the things you think of while the movie is keeping you from paying attention. There's a few noises from places around the house and the music thinks something is happening when nothing does. Laura argues with her son at the party for the prospective children and he disappears. The police come and they don't find him. Laura brings in some ghost hunters and they reveal a bit more story. Laura turns more depressed and obsessive about the house and the story of the ghosts until she's reunited with her son. It's a more adult ghost story, not many scares or startles to make you jump, which I don't mind sometimes. Del Toro's The Devil's Backbone was a more adult ghost story and Greg and I both mentioned liking it much better. Greg's wife picked up The Orphanage for a couple of bucks at a dvd store sale. He's going to put it out for sale in his comic shop. If I had one I would do the same. None of us liked the ending very much, it's kind of depressing, and by the time it came I was lacking any sympathy for any of the characters but the husband. At least he's free. Free to sell that house and get the fuck out of the movie. No wonder he was smiling at the end. We weren't.