PRIMITIVE SCREWHEADS

Friday Night Movies 424

   

Ray Harryhausen came up as an option and pretty much unplanned we wound up watching Ray's first movie and his last. The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms came out in 1953 movie and Clash Of The Titans was released in 1981. Ray had worked on several shorts before The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms and he was effects technician on Mighty Joe Young in 1949 but the films we watched are the first and last of the 15 films where he was in charge of the visual effects. Ray created the creatures and did all the animation work. I've seen them all, some several times, over the years. Some are better than others but usually they're entertaining and Ray's stop motion animation is fun to watch. Part of the appeal is the monsters or mythical creatures he brings to life. We like monsters in our group and we'll watch pretty much anything with a giant monster in it. We sure see some crap sometimes. Luckily for us, these two aren't at the lower end of the spectrum.

The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms opens with some men in the arctic conducting a nuke test. The explosion uncovers a giant reptile which wakes up and ambles about yelling. I'd be yelling too, especially if my balls were dangling in an iceberg for a 100 million years. A couple of men see it but one dies and the other is thought to have been driven crazy by the strain of arctic life and the death of his friend. We know he's not crazy and as the monster makes some more appearances the rest of the world comes to know it too. The scientists and the military rally around to try to stop it. The monster makes several appearances. We particularily liked the scene with the lighthouse. Lovely silhouette.

   

The monster is eventually tracked and they shoot it with guns of various sizes. Turns out the beast's blood is deadly poison so they need to kill it without making it bleed too much. They figure that out and at the end of the film the critter lies dead in the ruins of a roller coaster. It's sad really, poor monster. It was the first giant creature that was woken up, or created, by nukes in a movie. The film did well, making $5 mill from a $220K cost, and that spured other companies to make more monster movies. Great for us, huh. There's some dodgey science in the movie but it's a movie about a giant pre-historic reptile so you can't expect too much. It's one I've seen a few times and I always enjoy watching it. It's very much of the time and I like science fiction movies from the 1950's. 

Eugène Lourié was mostly an art director during his career which started in 1934 and ended in 1980. The Art Direction Catagorey on his IMDb page lists 52 films and tv series. As a director he made some tv shows and a tv movie but only directed 4 theatrical films: The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms (1953), The Colossus Of New York (1958), The Giant Behemoth (1959) and Gorgo (1961). He quit directing because he though he was getting typecast as a monster movie director. It's too bad. While I wouldn't say his films are great cinematic art they are good solid monster movies that provide an entertaining story and some mighty monster action. 

 

Clash Of The Titans was directed by Desmond Davis from a script by Beverly Cross who was Maggie Smith's husband until he died in 1998. When the King of Argos tosses his daughter and her son into the sea the gods get involved. The King is mad that the son, Perseus, is the offspring of Zeus. The big guy retaliates by killing the king and having Posideon release the Kraken to destroy Argos. Sucks to live there now. Zeus has the gods help Perseus and his mon, Danae to get to an island and a new life. Perseus grows up into Harry Hamblin and his feathered hairdo. Zues has the gods give him some help. They provide an invisibility helmet, a sword that can cut through marble and a shiny shield. Good thing, there are monsters to fight.

 

I'm not much of a Harry Hamblyn fan but there you go. Judi Bowker plays Andromeda, the daughter of Queen Cassiopeia. The story is fair for a Greek God melodrama. They were some pricks, those Greek gods, with all their dickin' around and screwing over the people they've scared into worshipping them. The people of Argos didn't have anything to do with their King and they paid for that by being crushed by the kraken. Some of the effects don't look as good as you might hope, especially Poseidon releasing the kraken from his undersea prison. Most of Ray's work looks pretty good. There's a nice Pegasus and some scorpions and the shorts of the medusa are what I remember most from the film.

 

That's Ray and Medusa. She'll loose her head soon and that'll screw up the Kraken's snackin' on Perseus's wife. Zeus is impressed with his boy's courage and he forbids the god's to bother them anymore. Like you could trust that lot. Not quite as entertaining as the first movie. It's 118 minute length seems a bit long, I find some of the story a bit dull, but the monsters are much better. Well worth the look.

The Ray Harryhausen Chronicles

 

I see Ray Harryhausen died today. I was sad. He always seemed like such a nice guy. He always seemed friendly, full of stories about the business. I've been reading a book about him. Big art book with some good number of words. It's big, I have to set it on at a table to read it. I'm not interested in holding up a huge hardcover so it sits for long periods before I read another chapter. Just co-incidentally I've been watching most of Ray's movies over the last year or two. The Ray Harryhausen Chronicles was 1 of the extras on a DVD. It's a nice overview of his career and a lot of clips of his work. There don't seem to be any full movies on YouTube but you can see clips galore. Especially the effects stuff and that's the stuff to watch.

Friday Night Movies 423

The Guillotines is a 2012 Andy Lau action melodrama about the secret assassin squad the Yongzheng Emperor started in the Manchu-ruled Qing Dynasty. The Quin Dynasty lasted quite a long time. It started in 1644 and lasted until 1912. The Yongzheng Emperor only ruled for 13 years before his son took over in 1735. The son, the Qianlong Emperor, wants to modernize and he decides to replace the assassins with a troop of men with new rifles. When the Qianlong Emperor was a child two young boys were chosen to be his companions. The Yongzheng Emperor picks one of the boys, Leng, to go into the Guillotines. The other boy, Haidu, remains at the side of the Emperor's son and he gets a nice job when the son becomes the Qianlong Emperor. The new Emperor uses the assassin squad to kill off his enemies or people like Wolf who are leading rebellions. When the Qianlong Emperor decides to get rid of the Guillotines, they would appear as a stain on his marvelous historical record, he charges Haidu with the killing of the assassins. Sadly the Guillotines aren't that good of a group of assassins, they cry a lot, with dribbles of spittle hanging out of their mouths, yuck, and some of the Guillotines die pretty quickly. Haidu wants Leng to come back to the side of the Emperor so he doesn't kill him outright. Of course things don't turn out very well and pretty much everyone dies The Emperor sends cannons and there's a lot of yelling, sobbing and getting blown to pieces. There's plenty of imaginitive and impossible cgi that once or twice made me laugh out loud. The Guillotines get their name from the fancy swords they use. They have segmented blades and mechanical rings that slither off their arms like metal snakes. The snakes form rings that spin, dancing on their swords, on a bed of sparks. The assassins launch the rings to decapitate their victims. The CGI takes us inside the mechanical world of that flying ring of doom. It's pretty silly. The skulls are saved by the assassins, returned to the headquarters and put in a temple. I wouldn't think that anyone would miss those guys, huh. It's a movie filled with the court intrigue that makes ancient China such a deadly place but the presentation is long winded, 113 minutes, slow moving and kind of tedious. Sometimes the scenery is realy great and some of the shots are very painterly. The characters whine and cry and moan much of the time and the some of the action scenes move too quickly with a plethoria of quick cuts. I'm not that chuffed that I saw it but it was kind of pretty at times. It scroes a 4.4 on the IMDb and that's not far off the mark. I wouldn't need to see it again.

Our second feature is another historical movie, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, that fills in some gaps in the life of the 16th President. It's a pretty silly version, what with the vampires and the chopping, of the life of the axe wielding law talkin' man from Springfield. When Abe was a boy he fought to save his black friend from a whipping. Mr Barts, the man he tried to stop, a vampire, comes by that night and bites Abe's mom. She dies and 9 years later a grown up Abe returns to their town to attack Barts. During the fight Abe shots Barts in the eye and the man rises to fight him again. Barts is strong and nearly does in the future Prez. Abe is saved by a man, Henry Sturgess, who tells him about the vampires who have infiltrated human society. Henry offers Abe some support if he joins his cause. Abe is sent to Springfield, Illinois to kill the local vamps which he does with his silver coated axe. Eventually Abe gets a chance to get some vengeance on the vampire who killed his mother. In another sub-plot the vampires, lead by Adam, want to take over the country and they offer their serves to the Confederacy as soldiers. Ones who can take a bullet and still keep on killing. Abe and Henry accumulate silver to kill the vampires and ship it via a train to the battlefield at Gettysburg. There's a huge battle on the train with flames and explosions and burning bridges and a high body count. The CGI in the movie is even more cartoony than the previous movie and some of the scenes are even more ludicrous. There is some nice outdoor scenery and the actors are all ok. The director is Timur Bekmambetov. You might have seen his 2008 movie Wanted with Angelina Jolie or Day Watch and Night Watch. Not sure if I would bother watching it again.

Friday Night Movies 422

 

CZ12 or Chinese Zodiac is a 2012 Jackie Chan film. He co-produced, wrote and directed the movie. He got two Guinness World Records for it: Most Stunts Performed by a Living Actor and Most Credits in One Movie. The movie hasn't been officially released in the US yet. Joe bought the BluRay from somewhere in Asia. Jackie returns for a third time as Asian Hawk, a character that appeared in Armour Of God and Operation Condor. He's a thief who finds ancient relics and sells them for cash. There used to be twelve bronze animal heads in the Old Summer Palace. They were looted in the Second Opium War by some British and the French twats in retaliation for the murder of their envoys by some Chinese dicks. Fighting, stealing and killing, a time honored human tradition. About a 150 years later some of the bronzes are turning up at auctions and selling for millions of pounds. That part of the movie is based on real events but then it goes off into Jackie's fantasy world. A crooked guy hires Asian Hawk and company to go look for the rest of the Zodiac heads. Jackie finds a couple in a rich man's house and helps himself to some other nice rare things. Then they chase around to various nice places around the world and there's some fighting and stunts. Some are good and some are less interesting. Jackie has slowed down and he announced about this time that he was going to cut down on the stunts and try to live longer. Eventually the two hours are nearly over and Jackie jumps into a volcano to save the last bronze zodiac head from destruction. Don't worry, he missed the flaming bits and rolled down the side of the mountain in his inflatable suit. The movie is 120 minutes and seems a bit draggy. Jackie's not the greatest film writer, some of his jokes are pretty silly and some of the story points are the same. Some of the scenes and action pieces are similar to things he's done in his other movies. I could see why the movie was not well recieved by the critcs but could understand why it was popular with the Chinese population. The movie cost $26 million and grossed $138 million in the Asian market because it's noisey and fun. Plus the Chinese don't seem to care if all the plots points don't connect. Not my favorite of his movies but still one I'll probably add to my Jackie shelf.

 I wouldn't add Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever to my movie shelf. It's got some high school students who get infected by a flesh eating virus and die. For 86 minutes that seems longer. The script is about average and the direction is fair. Ti West, the director, disowned the film because the company fiddled with it but I think it wouldn't be much better if we were seeing the director's cut. Some of the actors aren't very good so with little direction they don't do very well. Some of the characters are pretty annoying and it reminds me how stupid we were in high school. I'd give it a miss and watch some a better horror movie. See, I'm doin' you a favor. The first Cabin Fever was somewhat better though it's not something I need to see again. I've never became an Eli Roth fan and i won't even see some of his movies. I sure wouldn't want to spend anytime in front of the two Hostel movies he did. See, that's me doin' myself a favor with a reminder not to watch that crap.

Friday Night Movies 421

First we watched Bad Kids Go To Hell. The film makers should go to hell. Joe picked it up from NetFlix and it sure sucked. NetFlix should go to hell for not warning Joe it was a piece of crap. In NetFlix's defense I did look at their site and there were some fan warnings but I didn't see them before we watched the movie so that sucks. Of course reviews are subjective and some people might enjoy the movie more than I did. Some people might actually give the movie a 10 on the IMDb and really think it's a great film. Maybe those few people hadn't seen a movie before so they had no frame of reference, mostly I think it's people trying to game the system. Push the rating up with 10's so it gets the 4.1 rating it doesn't deserve. Some of the written reviews that give the movie a 10 are the only reviews by the fan who wrote them. Hmmm, huh. It's a 2012 movie that adds ghosts and Indian vengeance to the Breakfast Club. Some kids get locked in the library for detention all day, with no supervision or access to a bathroom. I smell a law suit. Too bad we can't sue the movie for sucking. The library is built on a dead Indian's land. He didn't want to sell but he was pushed out of a high window so what he wanted is negated by his brain being splattered on the pavement. Four of the students in the detention party had something to do with that. The upper class prep school builds the library and there they are, stuck inside on a rainy day, just waiting for some deadly native revenge. Seems the dead Indian guy is back and he's pissed. One by one the students get picked off, sliced and diced, chopped and hacked, stabbed and beheaded. It's a smorgasbord of carnage. Sadly they have to reveal their sad stories before they shuffle off. There's a good level of revenge in the story, one spanning decades and generations, but that still doesn't make the unlikeable characters any more interesting. I didn't even care for the one sympathetic character. I'd give it a big ol' dose of avoidance if I were you.

The Reincarnation of Isabel is a 1973 Italian film that was directed by Renato Polselli. It sucks and he's a terrible director. I thought I hadn't seen it before but I had, in Feb 1999. It wasn't a FNM night as they were on saturday then so probably borrowed a vhs tape from someone. The story is disjointed and uninteresting so that helped me forget it. You would have thought I would have remembered the large number of naked ladies on the screen. It's a story about a vampire that keeps the body of a witch in his basement. She was the victim of justice 500 years ago and his special love. The people who were there when the witch was toasted have been reincarnated in the people who have journeyed to the castle. He needs some virgin blood to resurrect her. Same old story, huh. Even with all the nudity it's still a tough film to sit through. Another film where the 91 minute running time seems longer.

Safe Men

I noticed Safe Men on NetFlix and figured I'd take a chance. There are some good people who worked on the movie. Writer - Director Jon Hamburg wrote some comedies I liked: Meet The Parents, Zoolander and Along Came Polly. He directed the last one on that list too. Safe Men is a 1998 movie with Steve Zahn and Sam Rockwell as a couple of fuck ups who wind up getting mistaken for safe crackers. I've liked those two in several other films, I'm usually interested in taking a look at the films they make, unless they're doing a drama, then I might give it a miss. You know, 'cause dramas usually suck the fun out of me, and I don't need that shit. Michael Lehner, Harvey Fierstein, Mark Ruffalo and Paul Giamatti all have parts in the movie. Most of those guys are ok no matter what they do. Christina Kirk, wife of the director, plays the romantic interest. I didn't know who she was but she was ok. The story is ok too. It's a good average goof-ball, fish-out-of-water comedy. The guys manage to get through their adventure in the underworld without getting killed. Not sorry I saw it but it isn't something I would need to buy.

The Pure Hell Of St Trinian's

 

I had seen The Pure Hell Of St Trinian's a couple of weeks ago. It arrived from NetFlix before the previous two St Trinian's films so I watched it then. It's the third of the films and it was released in 1960. Frank Launder and Sidney Galliat are still behind the helm of the series. See the school's version of Hamlet here.

  

The St Trinian's girls are on trial for burning down the school. They get convicted by the judge but he's been softened up by one of the older girls and he agrees to put the girls in the custody of Cecil Parker. Cecil plays Professor Canford of the University of Bagdad and he claims he can rehabilitate the girls. The judge gives him a year to try. I could understand his wanting to hand the trouble off to someone else to try to fix. The British prison system just isn't up to handling those girls.

   

That's Cecil Parker on the left and George Cole as Flash Harry with one of the 6th form girls. Sidney James plays a crook who plans to sell the girls to a rich Shiek for his harem. A cultural trip is arranged to the Greek Islands so he can gets his hands on them. The girls, Flash Harry and the police woman who has in the first two movies tried to infiltrate the school all travel on a nice yacht. The 6th form girls wind up in the hands of the Shiek. The police and the army come to the rescue but they are shown up by the fourth form girls. Later they all burn down the new school. It starts off pretty well, I liked the court room stuff, then fades a bit. It's not quite as entertaining as the previous two films. Still it was fun to watch but I found myself paying less attention as it played out. I'd still watch it again sometime but not as often as the first movie. I miss Alastair Sims but there you go.

Blue Murder At St Trinian's

Blue Murder At St Trinian's is the 2nd of the St Trinian's films by Frank Launder and Sidney Gilliat and it came out in 1957. It looks like the 2009 dvd is getting scarce in the US. I see it for $20 bucks, or more, on Amazon. There is a nice British set of the first four films available on Amazon for about the same price. It's not the same region as the US dvd so you would need an all region player or use some software to copy it onto a dvd that you can play. Luckily for me NetFlix had the first three of the St Trinian's films but not the fourth. Amazon has digital copies of them. 

 

The movie starts with Miss Fritton in jail. Alastair Sims still plays the school head mistress but he only appears briefly at the end of the film. Flash Harry is running a marriage agency that hooks up young ladies from the school with rich men. An Italian Count would like to meet some of the girls and a tour is arranged to take them to Italy. Terry Thomas is the reluctant tour bus operator who gets tricked into taking the girls on a trip across Europe. The girls plays some sports along their path of destruction.. The French team is beaten severely and lose the match too. I liked the headline on the newspaper. That's the girls of St Trinian's below on the left and the poor French girls in the middle.

   

Lionel Jeffries plays the father of one of the girls at St Trinian's and he's also a crook. He steals some diamonds, there's a reward of 10000 British Pounds, and takes it on the lam. He tries to hide at the school. Flash Harry blackmails Lionel into dressing up as a woman and taking the girls on their tour across Europe. The police are right behind but like cops in comedies they're poor at their jobs. The same police woman who tried to infiltrate the school last time tries it again. She has a bit of a fling with Terry Thomas but dumps him at the end of the movie. Sadly that police lady won't ever get some from the jerk she fancies. I've already seen the third movie. The girls kick some Italian ass in waterpolo and the Count gets a beautiful girl who wants to marry rich. He survives the meeting with the girls. The diamonds are recovered and the reward winds up in Miss Fritton's hands, which are now free from the clink. Alastair Sims pops in for the last scene when the girls return to the school from their adventure. I had a laugh.

The Belles of St Trinian's

   

I watched The Bells Of St Trinian's today. I know I watched it years ago and it was nice of NetFlix to send it around. It's a 1954 British film about the antics of the people associated with St Trinian's School. It's an all girls school which got it's start in a series of cartoons by Ronald Searle. I have 2 or 3 paperback collections of the cartoons but I haven't seen them in years. Searle's style is scratchy and not for everyone. You can see samples on the posters or Google his name and see all sorts of them. The girls are just perfect for the big screen.

 

The Belles Of St Trinian's is the first of 5 films by writer/director Frank Launder and co-writer Sidney Gilliat. Alastair Sims plays Miss Fritton and her nasty brother Clarence. He wants to get his daughter back into the school. She'd been kicked out for being even too awful for St Trinian's and Miss Fritton is reluctant. The brother blackmails Miss Fritton to get his way. He wants his daughter to get chummy with the daughter of an Arabian Sultan who has a horse in a big race. The brother is backing another horse and he figures to get inside info so he can clean up. The girls see the Sultan's horse run and decide to back him. Miss Fritton comes to the conclusion she might be able to get the school out of debt with a bit of a flutter on the race. Clarence's daughter and the Sixth Form steal the Sultan's horse and the girls of the Fourth Form kick their asses and take the horse back. It barely gets back to run the race and save the school. There's plenty of mayhem and violence with a nice dash of comedy to sweaten it up. Those girls are great. I don't say that just because I'm scared of them. Alastair Sims is pretty entertaining as the droll Miss Fritton and her nasty brother. The police and the local officials, who all fear the school, try to keep out of the school's sphere of destruction by offering up a sacrifice of an inept Police Woman. She's not up the the challenge and it scars her for life. It all gave me a laugh.

Gentlemen's Relish

I saw this Billy Connelly movie at the library. I always like seein' Billy, you know. The story seemed like it might be amusing and it was. It was also filled with naked ladies so that was a nice bonus. It's a 2001 TV movie about an Edwardian painter, Kingdom Swann, who paints large historical paintings with naked ladies in them. BIlly plays Kingdom. He's sad because his paintings are out. His housekeeper Violet (Sarah Lancashire) gives him a camera, hoping it would distract him from his funk. Soon he's got a photo studio, taking portraits of people. His business picks up and he hires Cromwell (Douglas Henshall) as his assistant. Cromwell is a bit of naughty lad and he brings new clients to the studio. Clients with a naughty nature, if you get my meaning, nudge, nudge. Violet has an interesting voyage through the story. She has a thing for Kingdom but wouldn't tell him and he doesn't seem interested in her. He's a rather inattentive guy. Typical artist, somewhat self-absorbed. There are some misunderstandings of a naked nature and things get all hot and bothered. Violet gets the sack. No, not that kind. She leaves Kingdom's house and and joins the suffergettes. There's a political element to the story. We see an actual Edwardian porn cave. There are a few other subplots adding to the story. There's a nice bit of humor, some slapstick and some of it on the rather rude side. Nice! There's a fun ending and it made me laugh. Not something I'd need to pick up but glad to have seen it.