PRIMITIVE SCREWHEADS

Vampira 1973

Vampira 1973 Written by Jeremy Lloyd and directed by Clive Donner. A British comedy horror mix with David Niven and Teresa Graves. It was titled Old Dracula in the US.

David is Count Dracula, he's been having tours of his castle to lure in tourists for a quick snack. He's trying to find a certain blood type to resurrect his long dead love Vampira, she's been dead since the 1920s. Lucky for him some Playmates are due for a photo shoot.

Sneaky tests reveal one of the gals has the blood he needs. After the transfusion Vampira is revived. There's an unexpected side effect, Vampira is now black. She's played by Teresa Graves in full on flapper mode. The couple take off for London and have some adventures while snacking on the locals. It gets a bit dicey for the Count and Company near the end but they manage to get away to South America.

It's a weak comedy, some of the jokes were tired in 1974, they're darn near terminal today. There weren't many of them, good or bad. Most of the race based gags are benign, some might slip over the line, depends on where you draw it.

I did enjoy David, Teresa and Peter Bayliss as the Count's butler is entertaining. Carol Cleveland turns up as a mugging victim. I enjoyed it for what it was but I wouldn't need to buy a copy, you can watch it on YouTube, you might like it, maybe you won't.

They Might Be Giants 1971

They Might Be Giants 1971 Based on the 1961 play They Might Be Giants by James Goldman, screenplay by James Goldman, directed by Anthony Harvey.

George C Scott plays a businessman who's response to the death of his wife is to retreat into a fantasy world where he's Sherlock Holmes. His brother, played by Lester Rawlins, wants to have him committed so he can take over his brother's fortune. Rue McClanahan is the brother's girlfriend and Joanne Woodward is Dr Watson. She's a psychiatrist at the local mental hospital that the brother wants use to lock Sherlock up. The head of the hospital is a moron who just wants another paying customer. Dr Watson wants to study Sherlock and see what makes him tick.

Sherlock is on the hunt for Moriarty, he believes his nemesis is leaving clues around the city, clues Sherlock hopes will reveal Moriarty's next crime. Dr Watson joins him on his quest.They have some adventures, Sherlock gets shot at one point, and a bit of romance develops.

Holmes and Watson meet all sorts of characters on their trip through New York City. Jack Gilford is Sherlock's friend, he's a librarian. Oliver Clark is a psychiatric patient, Al Lewis plays a guy who wants to get his bill paid, Eugene Roche is a policeman, M Emmet Walsh is a garbageman, Louis Zorich is his co-worker, F Murray Abraham plays Clyde and Paul Benedict is the Chestnut Man.

There's plenty of activity and the movie spends a good bit of time on the streets of New York. On the commentary Anthony Harvey says they just filmed the scenes with local people in the background. It's funny, poignant and clever. I enjoyed it and was glad to have seen it. I would watch it again sometime which is fortuitous as I picked up the Kino Lorber Blu-ray last week. They've got another sale going on.

The Playbirds 1978

The Playbirds 1978 Written and directed by Willy Roe. A British sexplotation film with Mary Millington. She was a popular nude model for men's magazines and star of the most successful British sex comedy Come Play With Me. She died young, driven to suicide by her life choices.

This is a comedy that's blended with a murder mystery. A serial killer is attacking the centerfold girls from Playbirds magazine. We spend a good bit of time with the magazine's producers and the models that fill it's pages. The movie is filled with young woman running about with their clothes off.

The police are after the murder but he's rather illusive. There are some suspects but nothing to pin any of them to the killings. Soon there are 4 victims and no results. Mary is a police woman who's already working the case, she volunteers to become a nude model and appear in the magazine. They are hoping to flush out the murder.

It's pretty average for what it is. There's a few good gags and all those playbirds but the murder mystery part is a bit rushed. Some have compared the film to the Italian Giallo and it does seem influenced by that style. I enjoyed it but doubt I would need to watch it again. I downloaded a copy off of YouTube but as I look now, it's gone. You can download a copy from Rarelust but it takes a while.

Friday Night Movies 974

The Fearless Hyena 1979 Written and directed by Jackie Chan. The 3rd and 4th films in the Criterion Jackie Chan set.

Jackie plays Hing-lung, the lazy grandson of Pang-fei. They live in a small village. Hing-lung gambles and fights. Grandfather wants him to keep their fighting ability secret. When Hing-lung meets the sifu of the Everything Clan he's offered a job at the school. The sifu is looking for a new school name and Hing-lung suggests his fighting style, the exact thing that his grandfather warned against bandying about.

Of course, a baddie sees the name and tracks Pang-fei down. Hing-lung comes home to find his grandfather beaten to death. He has to go through the usual sort of training and fighting in order to defeat the baddie.

There's a fair bit of lowbrow comedy and slapstick going on. I got a few laughs but not that many. I did like the chopstick fight over lunch. I thought Jackie dressing up as a lady was some what amusing but didn't think that him dressing up as a cross-eyed handicap man is the sort of thing I want to see. The training sessions were lengthy as was the big fight at the end of the movie.

The only extra is a commentary by Frank Djeng. It was interesting and Frank spoke fast.

The Fearless Hyena II 1979 Written by Lo Wei and directed by Chuan Chen.

A not very funny auctioneer that had Jackie in it before he left Lo Wei  to go to Golden Harvest. After Jackie leaves, the film makers use Jacky Chung as a double. They use clips from The Fearless Hyena and Spiritual Kung-Fu.

No extras on this one. I know I'm be embarrassed to talk about it myself.

Friday Night Movies 973

Half A Loaf Of Kung Fu 1978 Written by Jackie Chan and Tang Ming-chi, directed  by Chen Chi-hwa. The first of 6 older Jackie Chan film in the new Criterion release Jackie Chan - Emergence Of A Superstar.

Jackie plays a guy called Jiang in this kung fu comedy/parody. Jiang fails to get a job as a bodyguard and takes a job as a handyman. He finds out quickly that the place is home to an evil witch. Of course, he peeks into her room, after people have told me to steer clear. He gets spotted by the witch and she wants him dead for interrupting her snake ceremony. Jiang manages to escape and goes on the run.

In the nearby woods, Jiang is witness to a fight between two kung fu masters. It's a fight to the death, in this case, both men die. Jiang takes on the identity of the good kung fu expert and takes the body of the bandit to the town council. There's a 500 tael reward. Jiang will get beat up by the sister of the good kung fu expert because his kung fu is pretty darn poor.

Jiang gets involved with some people who want to move goods from one town to another. Three groups of baddies, including the evil witch, team up to attack the caravan. They believe the rumors of a great kung fu treasure hidden in the chests. Many many die before good triumphs.

As a kung fu movie it's does fairly well, I'm just not as fond of the long drawn out fights and training sequences that were popular at the time. Things were improve in the 80s. As for the comedy part, some of the jokes work better for me than others. The comedy is pretty broad and there's plenty of slapstick and some fart jokes.

Casting Jackie in roles that might have gone to Bruce Lee or other more serious action characters just didn't gel with the audiences back then. Giving Jackie more control, first over the action and later the script, gave him a chance to find his style and the audience liked what they were seeing. In just a few years he was one of Asia's biggest movie stars.

FOUR-BLU-RAY SPECIAL EDITION FEATURES

• 2K digital restorations of Spiritual Kung Fu, The Fearless Hyena, Fearless Hyena II, The Young Master, and My Lucky Stars and high-definition digital restoration of Half a Loaf of Kung Fu, with uncompressed monaural soundtracks
• Alternate stereo and 5.1 surround Cantonese soundtracks
• Classic English-dubbed tracks for Half a Loaf of Kung Fu, Spiritual Kung Fu, The Fearless Hyena, and Fearless Hyena II, plus an English-dubbed alternate track for Fearless Hyena II
• Contemporary English-dubbed tracks for The Young Master and My Lucky Stars
• New audio commentaries for The Fearless Hyena and The Young Master featuring Hong Kong cinema expert and producer Frank Djeng (Enter the Clones of Bruce)
• Interview with author Grady Hendrix (These Fists Break Bricks) about actor-director Jackie Chan
• Archival interviews with Chan, actor-director Sammo Hung, actors Michiko Nishiwaki and Hwang In-shik, and more
• The Young Master promo reel from the 1980 Cannes Film Festival and deleted scenes from the film
• Interview from 2005 with Hong Kong cinema critic Paul Fonoroff about producer-director Lo Wei
• NG shots from The Young Master and My Lucky Stars
• Trailers
• New English subtitle translations
• PLUS: An essay by Alex Pappademas
  
  New cover by Kyle Baker

I'm looking forward to the Frank Djeng commentaries. Frank was the guy behind Tai Seng Video back in the 90s. I rented 100s of their VHS tapes from the nearly dozen Asian rental companies scattered around the Twin Cities. The only thing about the set I wasn't impressed with were the Kyle Baker illustrations. He's got the action poses but fails in the face.

Spiritual Kung Fu 1978 Written by Pan Lei and directed by Lo Wei. The second film in the Criterion Box set.

A more traditional kung fu film produced under Lo Wei's own company. This film and Dragon Fist were temporarily shelved as Lo's company was running out of cash. Lo loaned Jackie out to Seasonal Films where he acted in Snake In The Eagle's Shadow and Drunken Master. Both films were directed by Yuen Woo-ping. He'd go onto direct many big hits in the genre, including Magnificent Butcher, Dreadnaught, Iron Monkey, Tai Chi Master and Wing Chun. He was even more active as a fight and stunt choreographer. The popularity of the Season films were enough to convince Lo he should release the two films he had on hold. It wasn't enough to keep the company going and it folded soon after. Jackie signed on with Golden Harvest.

Jackie is a student at a Shaolin Temple. He's the guy who's always in trouble and not that good a fighter. The night he falls asleep on guard duty the temple is robbed and an old fighting manual is stolen. The techniques in the book are banned because they are so deadly. The only manual on how to fight those styles has been missing for 1oo years. Sad, where's your back up Shaolin monks?

Jackie is punished and has to guard the haunted library. Lucky for him a meteor shower releases 5 ghosts from the manual, The book has been hidden in a crack in the wall all this time. Jackie gets trained up by the ghosts and becomes a good fighter. He sets out to find the thief.

The action scenes are more interesting than a lot of the films of the time and despite it's more serious nature the gags are slightly better than the the previous film. Both were fun to watch and I'm looking forward to getting into the rest of the box set.

The Eurocrypt of Christopher Lee Collection 2

The Eurocrypt of Christopher Lee Collection 2 There are 6 Blu-ray discs and a soundtrack CD in the set.

Uncle Was A Vampire 1959 Story and screenplay by Edoardo Anton, Marcello Fondato, Sandro Continenza, Dino Verde, Steno and Renato Rascel, directed by Steno. 

Baron Osvaldo Lambertenghi is up to his ears in debt, he has to sell his castle to a hotel chain, they give him some money, he gives it to the government for his taxes and the hotel manager gives him a bellhop job. Osvaldo's uncle Baron Roderico da Frankurten (Christopher Lee) shows up expecting to stay at the castle. Baron Frankurten doesn't show up for a good while and then isn't in much of the movie after that.

Osvaldo gets bitten by his uncle and goes on a biting spree. Instead of killing his victims, all lovely ladies at the hotel, he manages to get 42 women to fall under his spell. The husbands and boyfriends of the ladies start chasing him around with stakes. Lucky for him the curse can be lifted and most everyone gets back to normal.

It's got a big mess for a plot and it's rather lacking in good gags to carry us along to the end. It's like a sex farce with vampires but no nudity. I'd give it a 5 if it had the jokes to go along with the story but I had to take a point off for that. Lee doesn't have much to do when he's on the screen. Hope he got paid well.

The disc has some extras: Interview with European film historian Dr Pasqule Iannone, an alternate cut from an Italian broadcast master, alternate cut commentary with Christopher Lee biographer Jonathan Rigby and Hammer historian Kevin Lyons.

The Secret Of The Red Orchid 1962 Based on an Edgar Wallace novel, screenplay by Egon Eis, directed by Helmut Ashley. Another Rialto film production shot in Hamburg with location shooting in London and Cuxhaven Harbour. 

Gangsters from Chicago bring their typewriters to London and blast their way into society. Their demand is simple, pay up or die. Klaus Kinski and Eric Pohlmann play rival hoods from the Windy City. Their brutal methods don't go unnoticed.

Christopher Lee plays an American FBI agent sent to help Scotland Yard. Christopher spoke German in the German release and his voice was dubbed by someone else in the English release. Go figure. Adrian Hoven plays Scotland Yard Inspector Weston and Eddi Aren't plays a comical butler.

It seems a bit slow at times but there is a fair bit of action and a few laughs. I enjoyed it. The Blu-ray looks pretty good and there are some extras. There are two commentaries, one by Nathaniel Thompson and Troy Howarth and a second one by Kim Newman & Barry Forshaw, both were fairly interesting. The only other extra was a trailer.

Dark Places 1973 Written by Ed Brennan and Joseph Van Wrinkle, directed by Don Sharp.

Edward inherits a house that's said to be haunted. Christopher Lee plays Dr Mandeville, he was the dead man's doctor, he's looking for two suitcases of case hidden in the house, his sister Sarah is helping. Herbert Lom plays the dead guys lawyer Mr Prescott, he's looking for the money too.

Edward starts hearing noises in the house, he also gets visions of the dead man's life. The dead man had a wife and two children, he was planning to leave them for his mistress. The wife got her psychotic children to murder the mistress. The dead guy killed his wife and children and bricked them all up in the house with the cases of cash and the mistress.

Edward goes off the deep end and kills most everyone left. The The police arrive to arrest him, they recover the cash.

It was mostly entertaining but only about average. There's a commentary by Nathaniel Thompson & Troy Howarth, an interview with Jonathan Rigby, a trailer and a TV spot.

Dracula And Son 1976 Based on a 1975 novel by Claude Klotz, screenplay by Alain Godard, Jean-Marie Poiré and Édouard Molinaro, directed by Édouard Molinaro.

Christopher Lee is Dracula and Bernard Menez is his son Ferdinand. In this universe vampires can breed with humans so Dracula can have a son. The mother dies after Ferdinand is born and he's raised in Dracula's castle in Transylvania.

They're in the castle for a number of years and Ferdinand shows little sign of being a blood sucker like daddy. He's a grown man when WW2 breaks out. Father and son escape but their caskets are thrown into the sea. Dracula winds up London and Ferdinand winds up in Paris.

Years pass and it's modern day, Dracula gets hired to play a vampire in a movie, he becomes famous overnight. Ferdinand sees him on the TV and they are reunited. Ferdinand still doesn't want to be a vampire and he's fallen for a lady.

There's a bit of friction when it turns out Dracula knew her and had his eye on her. It'll all work itself out fairly well.There's a happy ending for our boy Ferdinand but hardly one for his dad.

It's fun to look at, plenty of nice locations and sets. The script isn't great, a lot of the jokes are pretty goofy, but I had a few laughs and was glad to have seen it. I might even want to watch it again someday.

There's a separate disc for the US release. The US producers hacked the movie up and poorly dubbed the film before release. It's painful to watch. I can see why people didn't care for the movie in the US. There's a separate disc for the soundtrack.

The extras are fairly numerous: a commentary by Jonathan Rigby & Kevin Lyons, another with Kat Ellinger, interviews with Bernard Menez, Christopher Lee, Édouard Molinaro and Claude Klotz. There's a trailer, a TV spot and German credit sequences.

MURDER STORY 1988 Written and directed by Eddie Arno & Markus Innocenti. A Dutch British production.

Christopher Lee is a mystery writer and Alexis Denisof wants to write a mystery novel. He picks Chris's brain for plot ideas. Somehow they get involved with some bad men covering up some criminal activities. Poor Chris doesn't last too long and they're after Alexis.

It was a bit above average and I enjoyed it enough to want to watch it again someday.

There's a commentary with Eddie and Markus, an interview with producer Tom Reeve and a trailer.

Mask Of Murder 1988 Written by Volodja Semitjov and directed by Arne Mattsson. There's very little Christopher Lee in this Swedish film. It's supposed to be set in Canada but it's Sweden.

Christopher Lee plays the police chief, he gets shot at some point and doesn't appear in most of the film. Rod Taylor is a cop who goes crazy when his wife leaves him. He starts murdering.

It's watchable but it's all pretty below average, it might be a while before I ever watch it again.

Friday Night Movies 963

Arnold 1973 Written by Jameson Brewer and John Fenton Murray, directed by Georg Fenady. An American film set in a small village in Britain.

Stella Stevens marries her dead fiance. The ceremony is followed by a reading of the will. Stella gets the house and some odd stipulations in the will. Arnold can't be buried, he has to remain in the house, Stella has to remain in the house to keep the estate. Arnold's wife and son don't get anything. Shani Wallis plays the wife and sings the absolutely horrible title song. Roddy McDowall plays the son, he's one of the people Stella has been having an affair with, the lawyer's partner is another.

There's a huge pile of cash hidden in the house. There's plenty of vengeance going on as Arnold has set up various deathtraps for the family and friends to fall into. First to go is Arnold's wife when he died and the son isn't far off. The local bumbling Bobby, Bernard Fox, investigates but isn't smart enough to spot a murder when it's right in front of him.

It made me laugh occasionally but not all the laughs were to the jokes. It has a decent amount of zaniness. I haven't decided to buy the Blu-ray but I might want to see it again. There's a poor copy on YouTube and a good copy on RareLust.

Curse Of The Dog God 1977 Written and directed by Shun’ya Itô. The film is titled Inugami No Tatari in Japanese. Inugami refers to a curse that involves the killing of a dog to make a spirit that is used to curse people. You can read more about it on the Wikipedia.

Uranium hunters find a rich uranium vein in a small Japanese village. While searching one of the hunters ruins a small shrine by driving over it with his jeep, then he runs over a dog. That same uranium hunter marries the daughter of hte man who owns the land the uranium is on, more bad stuff happens and someone puts the curse of the dog god on the hunter, everything in his life comes to ruin.

After a bit of a slow start the craziness starts up and nearly everyone dies. It's a bit grim and might not be to everyone's taste. There's two dog murders, a couple of kids get murdered, and plenty of adults die horribly. Both films are about revenge and I thought they're a good reminder to stay single. Families like that I don't need. Despite all that I thought it was a fairly entertaining movie. I might not buy a copy and I might not need to see it again but I was glad to see it. You can download a copy over at RareLust.

That's Your Funeral 1972

That's Your Funeral 1972 Written by series creator Peter Lewis and directed by John Robins. A Hammer film based on the British sitcom of the same name.

A comedy with rival funeral homes and drug smuggling villains. There's some coppers involved and the confused staff at the train station to keep everyone mixed up. There's plenty of running about and a bit of pass the parcel with a dead body.

It's only about average, there's a few laughs and I enjoyed it for the most part. I bought the DVD and I'll keep it. Who knows when I'll get around to watching it again.

The Cherry Picker 1972

The Cherry Picker 1972 Based on the novel Pick Up Sticks by Mickey Phillips, screenplay by Peter Curran, directed by Peter Curran. The was released in the US in 1974.

A creepy son, Bobby Sherman, of a millionaire just wants to screw off and not work. His father doesn't care for his layabout son and me neither. The father hires hires a motivational person, played by LuLu, to trick the son into getting a job. Lulu winds up marrying the son and she has a miserable time with his running about with other women including Lulu's father's mistress. What did she expect, marrying a guy like that. Lulu disappears for a bit and returns pregnant. That makes the son act more and more like a dick making me wonder what the hell Lulu sees in him. As the movie ends the son is trapped in a working situation. Ha ha.

The script was fair but I've heard most of those plot points before. There aren't enough jokes but occasionally something would make me snicker. The son is a despicable guy who doesn't seem to be punished enough for being a bastard. Some of the rest of the cast are more interesting: Terry-Thomas, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Patrick Cargill, Robert Hutton, Jack Hulbert and Fiona Curzon. Spike Milligan plays an Indian man in a role that would be considered rather racist today. You can check it out on YouTube. link provided.

George 1972

George 1972 Original story by Marshall Thompson, screenplay and direction by Wallace C Bennett. An American film that was mostly filmed in Grindelwald Switzerland. There was a TV series based on the movie, it also starred Marshall Thompson and Jack Mullaney.

Marshall plays an airplane pilot that gets given a giant St Bernard. Jack plays Marshall's pal, he's also a pilot. Marshall takes George to his home in Grindelwald. George doesn't like heights and crashes the plane into a hay wagon near the airport.

George is a bit of a problem for Marshall and he gets donated to a monastery. George runs away and Marshall flies around the mountains in his small airplane to find him. He spots George but on landing he causes an avalanche. No worries, Jack flies up, spots him and sends mountain rescue. Marshall decides to keep George.

I would say it's about average for the kind of movie it is. The scenery is better than the jokes. I wound up with the VCI DVD somehow and I'll keep it for now.