PRIMITIVE SCREWHEADS

Friday Night Movies 1005

Roadkill 1989 Story by Bruce McDonald, screenplay by Don McKellar, directed by Bruce McDonald. It's the first film for both guys, they'd both go onto make a lot of films and TV episodes. We watch the movie before, it was at FNM 626 back in 2017.

Valerie Buhagiar plays Ramona, she works for a rude and greasy band promoter in Toronto, she gets sent to Sudbury to collect a band and their rental truck. The band had missed their last four dates and they can't contact them. Ramona can't drive a car so she is going to take the train. On the way to the station the stoned cabby insists he take her to Sudbury, it's only 250 miles. On the road Valerie gets separated from the cabbie leaving behind her suitcase and her money. She does find the band and learns that the singer decided to go find himself. She heads off after the singer.

Ramona has a series of adventures along the way, she meets some people, including a serial killer (Don McKellar), a hot dog vendor (he turns out to be the missing singer), and a film maker (Bruce McDonald). She even learns to drive. Ramona finds the band in Thunder Bay, she gets the singer to agree to sing and makes a deal with the manager of a pub. The band has a pretty bad show, they don't kill, in fact, just the opposite.

I thought it was pretty entertaining for the second time. I've got the Blu-ray on my Wish List. Last time we watched it the other film was a Canadian effort, the second film tonight is also a Canadian effort.

End Of The Line 2007 Written and directed by Maurice Devereaux. Shot in the subway of Montreal.

One evening religious zealots go crazy and start killing everyone. The zealots mission is to send the sinners to heaven with knives. The main characters are trapped in a subway in Montreal and they have to fight off the zealots. There's a lot of running and whimpering. A lot of people get killed on both sides.

I wasn't that impressed with the film and wouldn't need to watch it again.

Friday Night Movies 995

A Haunting In Venice 2023 Based on Agatha Christie's Hallowe'en Party, screenplay by Michael Green, directed by Kenneth Branagh.

Hercule Poirot has retired to Venice in 1947. He's nearly forced to attend a Halloween party by mystery writer Ariadne Oliver. There's a lot of kids there when they arrive at the palazzo of Rowena Drake. Soon as the kids leave there's a séance with a medium called Joyce Reynolds. Rowena wants to talk to her dead daughter. She fell out of the palazzo and was drowned in the canal.

A number of guests join them at the table. Some odd things happen and Poirot reveals how the psychic typewriter works by revealing Joyce's assistant hiding in the huge fireplace. Soon after Poirot is attacked and nearly drown in a bowl of water. Shortly after that Joyce is tossed off a balcony and dies impaled on the lance of a statue. Poirot locks everyone in until the police can get there. A storm is delaying them until the rough water in the canal is passable. Poirot gets his little grey cells going to solve the mystery.

I found it an entertaining mystery and of the same quality of his previous two Poirot films. The story changes most of the details from the novel which takes place in the UK. I'd still watch the movie again sometime. Good thing since I bought the Blu-ray.

Seksmisja 1984 Written by Juliusz Machullski, Jolanta Hartwig and Pavel Hayný, directed by Julliusz Machulski. A Polish SF movie.

Two men volunteer to test a space travel hibernation device. Instead of waking up 3 years later they're revived 53 years later. The world as they know it is gone, ruined by the a man destroying virus created by the man who created the hibernation device. Since women are all of the human race left they've created test tube babies to increase the population. They all live underground as the surface is damaged and unlivable.

The two men are locked up and their fate is being decided on by the government. Shortly after being allowed some freedom the ruin their freedom with their stupidity. Just being there they damage the society. Eventually they get one lady on their side and she helps them escape the underground bunker. They tell her they would like to die free than be stuck down underground. Lucky for them there's a nice surprise on the surface.

It's all pretty silly and much more interesting than I was thinking it might be from the box. I enjoyed it but I'm not sold on getting a copy for myself. I'd take a download if I find one.

The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood 1980

The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood 1980 Story by Alan Roberts and Devin Goldenberg, screenplay by Devin Goldenberg, directed by Alan Roberts.

Adam West and Richard Deacon are Hollywood film producers working for Phil Silvers. They're a trio of sleaze bags. Martine Beswick plays the Happy Hooker Xaviera Hollander, she's promoting her new book and it's going well for her. Phil wants that book for his studio, he's hoping the naughty bits will put bums on seats. He's in dire need of a cash infusion to keep his studio afloat.

Richard and Adam screw up the potential deal but Richard's nice young son helps Xaviera's  movie get made. Phil tries to steal the film so he doesn't have to pay $5 million for it. He hasn't got the money anyway. 

It's a dumb sex comedy, and that's fine, I was just disappointed that it hasn't got much by way of good jokes. It's got a good number of breasts, in fact, more breasts than good jokes. You can see it on the Internet Archive, link above. I doubt I'll get back to it.

The Vals 1982

The Vals 1982 Concept by Shirley Rothman, story by James Polakof, screenplay by James Polakof and Deborah Amelon, directed by James Polakof.

Four Valley Girls help save a orphanage by raising money. John Carradine plays the ophanage owner. There's plenty of antics and bits of humor. It's not overly star studded, the actors I knew were few: Chuck Conners is a mean dad, Sue Ane Langdon is an soap opera star and Sonny Bono is a musician. Not your stellar cast. Not a stellar script. Not worth the bother. 

Friday Night Movies 982

Santet 2 1988 Written by Naryono Prayitno and directed by Sisworo Gautama Putra. An Indonesian sequel to Santet. It's part of a double film Blu-ray by Vinegar Syndrome. 

Having killed off the baddie in the first movie Katemi tries to give up the black magic life and settle back into village life. She's forced back into the black magic lifestyle by Nyi Loreng, the ghost of the long dead master of Katemi's recently dead master Nyi Angker. Nyi Loreng puts a curse on Katemi which turns her into a tiger. At night she terrorizes the village as a tiger. Nyi Loreng wants revenge for the murder of her pupil but Katemi doesn't want to kill anyone.

The son of the baddie in the first movie is a drug smuggler in Jakarta. The same actor plays father and son. The son moves to the seaside village to run his business. The local police are rather dim but the Jakarta police are there to wreck the son's drug smuggling operation. Luckily the local Muslim teacher helps Katemi fight the bad influences. Eventually things are sorted out and Katemi gets to marry the local Muslim teacher.

It wasn't as much fun as the first but I did get a few laughs. There's not as much black magic stuff going on in this one. It's more a comedy with a large bit of on screen time devoted to the local comic relief machine constable and his wife. It's pretty lowbrow and only marginally funny. I was laughing at the film making more than the jokes. The effects are fair to poor with the tiger suit getting plenty of laughs.

Infinity Pool 2023 Written and directed by Brandon Cronenberg. A science fiction movie that's heavy on the drama.

The movie is set in the fictional country of Li Tolqa. Tourists have to stay in the resort as the locals are a bad lot. A writer and his rich wife are befriended by a couple who convince them to take a trip to a beach outside the resort. On the way back the writer is driving the car, he hits a local who dies. They leave the body there and run away after the husband of the other couple convinces the writer that the police are corrupt and it will go bad for them once they fall into the police's hands. It's astonishing to me that people would pick that country for a vacation.

The next morning the police come and arrest the writer and his wife. They know everything and the writer is given the dead penalty. He's also given a tourist out option, for a large pile of cash the police will provide a clone for the dead man's family's eldest son to kill. It's a pretty old school, an eye for an eye, sort of country so you know there's plenty of opportunity for corruption. He takes the option and pays for the clone. They have sit and watch the son of the dead man kill the clone.  His rich wife is horrified and really wants to leave.

It's just the start of a downhill slide for the writer. He becomes a complete piece of shit joining some other tourists who have been cloned before in beating a local police man. More badness follows. Eventually he finds out his new pals are just fucking with him, trying to turn him into another murder tourist like them. They break his brain and he winds up sitting in the monsoon rain staring out to sea across the infinity pool. 

I certainly didn't care for the pieces of shit that the writer got involved with and for the man the writer became. I can't see spending time with that sort. The movie is a good reminder to distrust the rich and powerful. It's not hard to imagine many of them turning into murder tourists and killing for fun. I didn't care much for the movie despite it being well made and the cast doing a great job. I wouldn't need to watch it again.

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The Shaolin Invincibles 1977 Written by Chang Cheh and Ni Kuang, directed by Chang Cheh.

A family is attacked by the local leader, a young girl is rescued by a monk. Twelve years later she's trained up and ready for some vengeance. Her pal goes along to help fight the Emperor.

The Emperor has the usual gang of fighting guards. He's also got a pair of kung fu trained apes. It's kind of a sad costume but there you go, it's the 70s. There's plenty of kung fu action but not much story.

I enjoyed it well enough but not enough to desire the Blu-ray. You can see an edited copy of the movie on Tubi, link above. The Tubi version is dubbed and has a very heavily trimmed opening sequence. The scene depicts the killing of the heroine's family and her rescue by the monk that raised her and trained her in kung fu.

Million Dollar Mystery 1985 Written by Rudy De Luca, Tim Metcalfe and Miguel Tajada-Flores, directed by Richard Fleischer. It was Richard's last feature, he'd made some good films in the past: Armored Car Robbery, 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, Barabbas, Fantastic Voyage, Doctor Dolittle, The Boston Strangler, Tora! Tora! Tora!, Soylent Green and Mandingo.

Sadly this is a poor rip off of It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World but without a good story, entertaining actors and comedians. There are a lot of jokes but mostly they are a sorry lot, hardly raising a chuckle.

It did poorly at the box office barely making 10% on it's $10,000,000 cost. There was a tie in with Glad bags. The movie ends abruptly with the two FBI agents talking to the camera explaining it's up to the movie audience to find the last million. Here's the bit on that from the Wikipedia.

Producer Dino De Laurentiis conceived the idea for Million Dollar Mystery when he visited New York and saw a row of people lining up for what he presumably thought was a movie. A companion told De Laurentiis that they were actually lining up for lottery tickets.

Glad Bags sponsored a sweepstakes timed for the film's release. The company gave away entry forms, and the audience would fill out these forms with their answer to where the last million is hiding, based on clues given in the film. De Laurentiis said of the film:

This is a really broad comedy with car chases, designed for the young major movie going audience, about 12 to 24 years old. The sweepstakes gives us the potential to reach even more people – the infrequent moviegoer, the person more interested in winning a million dollars than in going to the movies, and these are the kind of people who use Glad Bags, housewives who maybe go to the movies once or twice a year.

De Laurentiis had high expectations for the film, but it did not turn out to be a hit. The winner of the contest ended up being 14-year-old Alesia Lenae Jones of Bakersfield California, who successfully guessed that the loot was hidden in the bridge of the nose of the Statue of Liberty. Apparently, thousands of contestants had arrived at the same answer, and her entry was chosen in a random drawing.

I bought the Kino-Lorber Blu-ray on one of their sales and it looks nice. Too bad it's such a disappointment. I'm hoping that the commentary explains why it was so poor. One of the locations of the movie is Lake Havasu City Arizona, it's where they moved the London Bridge and rebuilt it as a tourist attraction. Never been.

As I was looking for a copy of the movie to link to I found this other movie that features the bridge. It's a time travel story about Jack the Ripper going through time and winding up in Arizona in the modern day. Terror at London Bridge came out in 1985 and you can watch it on YouTube. I still haven't seen more than the first 5 mins.

Friday Night Movies 976

Sons Of Steel 1989 Written and Directed by Gary L Keady. An Australian musical post apocalypse film. Keady had written and directed a short film called Knightmare that was the basis for Sons Of Steel. That short was shown in theaters before David Lynch's Dune. That exposure lead to the feature being made.

Rob Hartley is Black Alice, he does most of the singing in the film. He gets involved with some crazy people who digitize him, he's freed over 100 years in the future where he has a bit of an adventure. There's not a whole lot of plot going on, the musical numbers eat up a lot of the 104 min run time. It's dark and gritty and heavily influenced by Max Headroom. There's even a badly rendered floating CGI head giving commentary. The acting ranges from decent to poor. I enjoyed it despite the little going on but it's not something that I'm going to need to watch again.

Final Cut 2022 Based on the Japanese film One Cut Of The Dead, written and directed by Michel Hazanavicius. Michel is the director of two OSS 117 films and The Artist. I really liked the OSS 117 films but have no interest in The Artist.

A French director is approached to direct a live TV remake of a Japanese zombie film. There's a film within the film thing going on. The crew in the film are making a zombie movie and the set gets invaded by real zombies. There's also the production company watching the film making on a monitor.

We first see the production as broadcast, there are some weird production choices that make the viewer wonder what's going on. Then we find out more about what happened behind the scenes. Typically the production is hampered by poor planning, accidents and the weak personal habits of the cast and crew. The only competent guy is the musician doing the background music, Jean-Pascal Zadi plays Fatih, he was entertaining. As things go wrong he has to change his music to fit the changed scenes. He's one of the few who can think on his feet.

I got a few laughs out of it but don't feel the need to buy the Blu-ray. You can see the original Japanese film on YouTube. I should check that out.

Emoh Ruo 1985

Emoh Ruo 1985 Written by Paul Leadon and David Poltorak, directed by Denny Lawrence. An Australian comedy about home buying and BBQs.

A young couple buy a house in a new development only to find that it's a lemon. There's plenty of larrikin good humor, though I don't think it lives up to the poster's claim that it's The Funniest Aussie Movie Ever! I thought it was about average as a comedy. I did like that BBQs saved the day for the young couple. You can check it out on the Internet Archive. You might get a laugh or two out of it.

Friday Night Movies 972

The Rare Blue Apes Of Cannibal Isle 1975 Written by Donn Greer and Peter Scriven, directed by Donn Greer. It's part of the new 10 film box set Lost Picture Show from Vinegar Syndrome. Donn Greer was better known for some of his exploitation films. This was his 11th film. I've only seen one of his other works, the 1969 film Alice In Acidland.

A movie that seems heavily inspired by Sid and Marty Kroff's puppet shows. A kid chases after his duck and the kid's boat washes up on Cannibal Isle. The place is home to two types of creatures, a race of alligator pirates and a race of blue apes. The boy get caught by the pirates and escapes with their blue ape captive. They get chased to the ape half the island.

 

It's also a musical and they are some of the worst songs I've heard. They're rather lack luster and hardly anyone can sing. The boy has his adventure, the boss pirate gets blown up a bit, eventually the boy returns home with his duck. The boy's sister proceeds to step on the poor duck during the welcome home, the duck runs off, stage left.

They tout the film up on the VS promo material but its just a mild diversion that I might not ever watch again. I'm not that likely to order the set. I was the first person to vote for the movie on the IMDb. I gave it a 5 for sheer ludicrousness. It's not that good.

Bikini Drive-In 1995 Written and directed by Fred Olen Ray.

A young woman inherits a drive-in movie theater from her late uncle. Her boyfriend won't help her fix it up so she dumps him. Her best gal pal lends a hand and ropes in her boyfriend. The crew at the drive-in pitch in too. Joining that lot is the son of a local developer who's not that happy with his father. His old man, David F Friedman, wants to turn the drive-in into a big mall and apartment complex.

It's pretty dumb and not every well written. There's plenty of boobs to see but most of them are silicon. Everything works out well enough for the young woman, she even hooks up with the developer's son.

Like some of Fred's movies there's a stack of old stars on offer: Ross Hagen, Peter Spellos, David F Friedman, Conrad Brooks, Gordon Mitchell and Hoke Howell.

Another one that I wouldn't need to pick up.

Friday Night Movies 970

Rabid Grannies 1988 Written and directed by Emmanuel Kervyn. A Belgium film shot in English for the international market. The film was released by Troma in the US. I saw it years ago but had no memory of any of it. The Troma release is cut by a few minutes. The new Vinegar Syndrome is uncut and nice looking.

 

A couple of rich aunties are having their family over for dinner. The ladies are celebrating their birthdays. The family members are only there to keep on the aunt's good side so they might inherit their wealth when they die. The family are a mixed lot, hardly any of them likable.

 

After dinner the sister's open their presents, one of the which is from an estranged relative who wasn't invited. The present is a small wooden box, it appears to be empty but it really contains some sort of spell, or curse, and a smokey mist floats out and changes the two sisters into demons. That's the second lie in the title, not grannies and no rabies.

The demons are really aggressive, they attack the family and servants, chasing them around the old mansion, picking them off one by one. A few of the guests fight back but hardly anyone survives. There's a good bit of gore and action once the possession takes place.

I enjoyed it and thought it had a nice sense of humor. I doubt I'm going to get the VS Blu-ray. I might want watch it over again someday but it would be pretty far down the re-watch list if I had one.

The Troma VHS and DVD were cut by a few minutes, mostly gore, that footage was made available as an extra on the DVD. The trimmed footage was added back into the Troma Blu-ray in 2015. You can see a decent copy of the untrimmed film on YouTube.

Attack Of The 60 Foot Centerfold 1995 Written by Steve Armogida and directed by Fred Olen Ray. I saw this back in 1997 but had forgotten everything about it.

Three magazine centerfolds are visiting the Hugh Hefner like publisher at his Plaything mansion. They are in the running for Centerfold of the Year. J J North, Tammy Parks and Raelyn Saalman play the gals. There's plenty of nudity from the ladies and plenty of sleaze from the men. J J has been taking a rejuvenating formula, feeling a bit run down before the visit to the mansion she stops into see her doctor for a pick me up. He warns her, one vial a day, no more.J J takes a vial when she gets home. A bit later the doctor's lab has an issue, a couple of their mice have grown to human size, one of them has escaped.

Out at the mansion the gals have a bit of a convo with the publisher and settle into their rooms. This movie. like the previous movie. has a gag involving a person carrying in all the guest's luggage to their bedrooms. Rather than sensibly making two or three trips they gather up all the bags and stumble about. Neither gag is very natural or funny. Most of the humor in RG works better than that joke and most of the gags in AOT60FC aren't funny at all.

After a bit of drinking the night before J J wakes in need of a bit of rejuvenation. Of course she takes 3 vials and that perks her right up. It also makes her grow. Soon she's 60 feet high. Rather than help her the publisher and his photo taking guy are planning to exploit her and dump her in the hands of the government to study. The photographer doesn't call J J's doctor.

J J spends the last half the movie big. Lucky for her, she's got a pal in the photographer's assistant. He's in love with J J, he calls the doctor who luckily has a machine that can reduce her. Before the doc can get to the mansion, Tammy finds J J's stash of rejuvenation juice and gulps down 4 vials. She turns big and the giants have a bit of a dust up on the beach. The fight takes them to LA where the doctor reduces them to normal with the help of a machine. In the lab the reduction ray machine caused one of the giant mice to explode after reduction. The ray works on both gals, shortly after Tammy blows up, killing the sleazy photographer, and leaving J J's fate unknown.

The cast is littered with old timers, John LaZar, George Stover, Michelle Bauer, Ross Hagen, Stanley Livingston, Forrest J Ackerman, Jim Wynorski and Tommy Kirk. Sadly most of them don't have much to do and what the poor script gives them is kind of lame. You can see a poor copy on YouTube, link in the title. I wouldn't recommend it. There's a better copy on Rarelust.