PRIMITIVE SCREWHEADS

Friday Night Movies 1021

Future Cops 1993 Written and directed by Wong Jing. A Chinese action comedy that's loosely based on the game Street Fighter II: The World Warrior. It's not an authorized adaptation so they can't use the real character names. Wong had already adapted Street Fighter characters in the Jackie Chan film City Hunter. Wong directed that in 1993 along with 7 other films. He'd officially adapt the game in 1994 with the release of Street Fighter: The Ultimate Battle.

The movie starts in 2043, The General is trying to take over the world, the Future Cops are trying to stop him. The General's plan is to go back in time and kill the judge that's sentencing him in the future. The Future Cops use a time machine to go into the past to stop The General's gang members. Andy Lau, Jacky Cheung and Simon Yam are the Future Cops. Ken Lo plays The General, his minions are played by Ekin Cheng, Billy Chow and William Duen.

Back in 1993 the Future Cops contact Tai-hung, the future judge, and stay at the family house. Dicky Cheung plays Tai-hung, Chingmy Yau plays his sister Chun-may, Kingdom Yuen plays the mother Chun-doi and Richard Ng plays her boyfriend Uncle Richard.

Tai-hung gets picked on at school but the Future Cops help him out. There's a lot of stuff going on at the school and some of the gags are fun. Wong is the king of wacky comedy, often called Makes No Sense Comedy. His jokes aren't always funny, some go over my head because I don't get the gag, other are just plain dumb fart jokes and the like. The last half the movie is packed with action and huge set pieces. The sets take a beating as people smash through walls and ceilings. Eventually the baddies are defeated and things get back to normal.

I thought I might have seen this back in the 90s when there was a lot of Asian Martial Arts cinema happening locally. It turns out it was only 2014 when I saw it. It was Friday Night Movies 504 - 11-29-2014. I enjoyed most of the movie and might watch it again someday. 

The People's Joker 2023 Written by Vera Drew and Brit LeRose, directed by Vera Drew. An unofficial parody of The Joker and Batman comics.

It's a dystopian future and Batman is real, once he retired Gotham City has fallen into the control of the baddies. In Smallville Kansas a young boy wonders about his gender, he asks his mother if he was born in the wrong body. Mom's a high strung woman who shouldn't be raising plants. She sends him to Arkam Asylum for some therapy, Dr Crane prescribes Smylex, a vape that gives the user a forced smile and covers up some of the depression and anxiety.

Fifteen years later our young boy is calling herself Vera. She takes a chance and leaves for Gotham City to try to join the cast of UBC Live. It's a sketch comedy show with a program to create jokemen. She works with her favorite jokeman Ra's Al Ghul. Vera becomes a Jokeman because of her mostly male attributes. Sadly in the comedy world of the future, women are assigned to be nameless Harlequins to serve as dancers for the Jokemen. Vera starts her own anti-comedy troupe and takes the name Joker the Harlequin. She sets up in an abandoned theater. I did enjoy some of the stand up here though it's pretty hit or miss.

It's an interesting looking film with plenty of animation and special effects. The movie gets more and more complicated as more characters and concepts are introduced. I can't say I wholeheartedly enjoyed the movie. There were a few bits that made me laugh but many of jokes fall flat. It's not something I would watch again, not because it's bad, mostly because it's just a drama about someone struggling with life, drugs, gender and dating. I'm not really interested in the drama, something I triage from my viewing when possible. Life's too short to spend it watching miserable people telling me their troubles. I mean, who would want to hang out with the Kramers, not this fuckin' guy, I'll tell you that for free.

Friday Night Movies 1015

China O'Brien 1990 Story by Sandra Weintraub, screenplay and direction by Robert Clouse. We watched the Vinegar Syndrome 4K/Blu-ray set.

Cynthia Rothrock plays China O'Brien, she's a cop who quit the force after killing a kid who was threatening the police with a machine gun. She goes home to visit her father in a small town that's being taken over by a criminal gang. Her father is the sheriff and he's fighting a losing battle. After he's killed by the crooks China decides to run for sheriff. There's plenty of fighting, shooting and explosions as the criminals make their grab for the town.

Lucky for China and her new friends the criminals are pretty poor at that. Richard Norton and Keith Cooke are her new pals. They're both decent at martial arts, laying some beat downs on the baddies. Sadly most of the stunt men seem to struggle at lumbering. Back in the 90s when Jackie Chan was trying to gain a hold in the US market he complained that the US stunt men were way too slow. Jackie was throwing 2-3 punches before the US stuntmen could react. That's the problem here, the US stuntmen aren't up to her speed. China and her pals clean up the town with some dubious policing methods.

Golden Harvest backed the film despite it being set in Park City Utah, they wanted to help make Cynthia more famous in the US. I'm not sure how much it helped for the movie to go direct to video and not get played in theaters. I thought I had seen this before but it's not on my watched movie list. After seeing it I doubt I need to see it again.

My Grandfather Is A Vampire 1992 Written by Michael Heath and directed by David Blyth. A New Zealand film with Al Lewis as a vampire grandfather.

A kid travels from California to New Zealand to visit his grandpa only to find he's rather sickly. They have some adventures and a bit of fun but grandpa gets sicker and dies. Surprisingly grandpa rises from the dead and that causes a whole lot of trouble. It eventually get resolved and there's a sort of happy ending.

It's kind of amusing, Al Lewis is fun but over all it's only average. I'm not going to buy it, I doubt I'll have the time to watch it again.

Spiritually A Cop 1991

Spiritually A Cop 1991 Written and directed by Wai Shum. A Chinese action comedy about a ghost and the police.

Fong Lui wanted to be a cop but the police force says he's too short. He gets killed near the start of the movie and a ghost pops out of his body. Stanley Sui-Fong Fung plays the head cop of the precinct, his main desire is to get married and go on his honeymoon. Hoi Mang plays a visiting monk who is the only one who can detect the ghost. He helps Fong get used to being a ghost. The ghost is a misogynist, he doesn't think women should be on the force. The monk helps him get past this too. Yukari Ôsnima plays one of the female cops in the precinct.

There's plenty of fights and some gun battles, most of the fights are fairly good. There are plenty of gags, not all the gags are great, misogyny comments aside, but a good number of jokes landed. It's pretty average but I enjoyed it anyway. I might watch it again.

Angry Ranger 1991

Angry Ranger 1991 Written by Kam Cheong Chan and directed by Lung-Wei Wang. A Chinese action film produced by Jackie Chan with fight choreography by the Jackie Chan Stent Team.

Peter is home from a stint in prison for fighting. He finds some of the people he knew in the neighborhood are worse villains than they were before he went to prison. He shows interest in a lady who is the wife of a gang leader. Things head downhill after that.

Peter renews old acquaintances, his brother has a car repair shop, a younger friend has a magazine stand. Peter gets a job in a fish market but he can't stop crossing the local gangs in one way or another. Most of his activity leads to a fight, there's plenty of those.

Peter never seems to think he should leave that woman alone, she gets beaten repeatedly by her husband but she's too afraid to leave him. Peter's brother, his young friend and the fish shop owners are all beaten for knowing Peter, intimidation is a common thug practice. Things end with a big fiery battle and plenty of people are hurt and a few are on fire. There's a rather vague ending for Peter and the young woman either. They survive but the police show up just before the credits role. We never find out if he went to jail or was given a medal for burning up some criminals.

I liked the movie, it's got some good action and a bit of humor. It's a good reminder not to fight with gangsters, Peter just doesn't seem to be able to restrain himself. I do find it sad that the local police aren't ridding the streets of the gangster element. No one cares about the poor locals and I'm guessing gangster bribes are too good to give up.

Friday Night Movies 999

Death Machine 1995 Written and directed by Stephen Norrington. We watched the director's cut from the Kino Lorber Blu-ray. It's got three versions of the movie on two disks. Norrington only directed four films, this was the first, followed by Blade, The Last Minute and The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen. I've liked the 3 films of his that I've seen, TLM is the one I haven't seen. He hasn't directed any films since 2003 but has occasionally worked in special effects. He has no credits on the IMDb after 2016.

Ely Pouget is head of Chaank Armaments Corp, Brad Dourif is a designer, Richard Brake and William Hootkins are executives. The Corp's enhanced solder glitches and kills some people in a diner. The story is out and the public isn't happy. The corp tries some damage control. Ely wants full public disclosure but the board says no. She wants Brad fired but the board says no.

Ely has an encounter with Brad about the project in Vault 10 and Brad threatens her. He's a major loony but fun to watch. Things get worse between them and Brad sends his killer robot from Vault 10 after her. Soon the robot is clanking around the building, slaughtering the staff. Some Eco-warriors break into the building, they become Ely's reluctant partners battling the robot and trying to escape. Ely locks Brad in Vault 10 with his robot. Hardly anybody gets out alive.

It's got plenty of great robot action, lots of clanky noise, good sets and models, plenty of gun shooting and explosions. I enjoyed it and I will order the Blu-ray for myself. I want to see the other versions of the film and I'm curious about the Norrington commentaries. The Blu-ray is only 15 bucks on Amazon. Seems a bargain.

The Lady And The Monster 1944 Based on the novel Donovan's Brain by Curt Siodmak, screenplay by Dane Lussier and Frederick Kohner, directed by George Sherman. He watched the new Kino Lorber Republic Horror Collection Blu-ray. It's got four 1940s films on two Blu-rays with plenty of commentaries.

 

Erich von Stroheim is Professor Franz Mueller, he's a mad scientist with his own laboratory in a fake looking castle in the middle of the Arizona desert. Erich believes he can keep a human brain alive out of the body. Mueller is asked by the local rangers if he can help a man who was in a plane crash. When the man dies Mueller takes advantage and removes the brain. They find out the dead man is a millionaire business man called Donovan. Richard Arlen and Vera Ralston are Erich's assistants, Patrick and Janice. The pair have a thing going on but Mueller also has feelings for Janice, he tries his best to disrupt the relationship.

Donovan's brain seems to be sending messages to a tired Patrick and Mueller encourages him to make contact with the brain. Patrick does, Donovan slowly takes over Patrick's brain, turning him into a slave. Donovan's lawyer is investigating the death, he finds the brain in the lab with documents about the experiment. Donovan had hid all his money, he sends Patrick on a mission to recover it. Things come to a head when Mueller tries to kill Patrick. The house keeper shoots him dead  and Donovan's brain gets dashed to the floor. Patrick goes to jail for monkeying with a dead man's brain and Janice promises to wait for him.

I mostly enjoyed the movie but it sure dragged at times, I was drifting off for a while there and there were complaints about the pace. A New York Times review, at the time of release, called it "a mite too lethargic." They aren't wrong. I seem to remember that the 1953 Donovan's Brain film was a better picture but it's been ages since I've seen it. I'll have to watch it and see. I'm looking forward to the commentaries on the film.

Naked Killer 1992

Naked Killer 1992 Written by Wong Jing and directed by Clarence Fok Yiu-leung.

Simon Yam is a cop who's just back to work, he was on leave for accidentally killing his own brother. He's still affected by the incident, he throws up when he pulls his gun and his willie won't work.

Chingmy Yau is a crazy woman who attacks a man and stabs him in the genitals. Simon tries to arrest her but fails, later she shows up at the cop shop with a big lie. She's not framing Simon but praising him. Sadly he falls for her. With her in his mind, his willie works.

Chingmy gets recruited by a bisexual hit woman who has a team of assassins under her. Literally. They go about killing sex perverts and rapists. Simon keeps looking for Chingmy. There are a big number of murders and fight scenes. Another pair of  hit women show up. They want to kill off Chingmy and her boss. Simon and Chingmy reconnect but it's too late for them. The movie ends tragically with a big boom.

I thought it was fun, there are some good action scenes. It moves fairly quickly and there's a good bit of nudity and sex. I tried the dub track and that was pretty poor, much better to watch it with the Chinese soundtrack and subtitles. There's some interviews on the DVD, they were OK.

Friday Night Movies 978

Magic Cop 1990 Written by Sam Chi-leung and Tsang Kan-cheung, directed by Stephen Tung. A Hong Kong horror comedy informally known as Mr Vampire 5. We watched the 88 Films Blu-ray and it looks pretty darn good.

Lam Ching-Ying stars as a cop who lives on a small island. He's well trained in Chinese magic. A woman on the island asks him if he'll help transport her dead daughter back home from Hong Kong. In HK Lam finds out that the daughter has died more than a week before the incident in the restaurant. She'd been reanimated by Japanese magic and used in smuggling.

There's plenty of action as Lam fights the monsters and the Japanese magician. The stunts are fun to watch. There's a good bit of comedy and the jokes are mostly fairly good. The jokes with the local cops that get assigned to work with Lam are a bit weak but kind of typical of HK humor. The effects are mostly practical with occasional bits of animation to jazz things up.

I had forgotten most of the story from the last time I saw it, years ago, and it was entertaining and fun to watch. I'm pretty sure I have  DVD from years ago but all the movies are packed up and I can't check. Worth a look for those inclined.

Vesper 2022 Written by Kristina Buožytė, Brian Clark and Bruno Samper, directed by Kristina Buožytė and Bruno Samper. A co-production from Lithuania, France and Belgium.

Vesper is a 14 year old girl who lives in the forest. The world has had some sort of biological disaster. The ones who caused the disaster are hold up in Citadel cities, helping themselves but keeping the remaining random population outside the Citadel under their thumb.

Vesper lives with her father in a run-down shack. Vesper has some education and she works to keep him alive after he'd been paralyzed while working for the Citadel. The only help he was given is a flying robot head that he can use communicate to with Vesper. One day a ship from the Citadel crashes and Vesper's whole world is smashed.

It's a dark future with only a bit of hope. It's a long film, 114 mins, and it moves along pretty slowly. Despite that I enjoyed much of it but haven't decided to bother with the Blu-ray. I'd take a download but haven't seen any in the usual places.

Friday Night Movies 950

Undefeatable 1993 Written by Tai Yim, Steve Harper and Robert Vassar, directed by Godfrey Ho under the name Godfrey Hall. It was filmed in English in the US but it's a Hong Kong production.

Cynthia Rothrock plays a waitress who's helping her younger sister through college. Cynthia supplements her income by street fighting. The whole subplot of the street fighters doesn't make much sense, it's almost like the screen writers had a vague idea of how it worked and made up the rest. It's similar to their approach in writing the script. They wrote in some character development but their script is trite and the actors aren't capable of much.

Don Niam plays a fighter called Stingray, he's abusive to his wife, she decides to leave him after he rapes her, he decides to get her back. Stingray has slipped a cog and he starts kidnapping women who resemble his wife. He kidnaps them, tortures them, murders them and gouges their eyes out. One of the women that gets kidnapped and murdered is Cynthia's sister.

A kung fu cop is assigned the case of the murdered women, he'd tangled with Cynthia early in the movie, they team up to catch the killer. There's a bit of a romance there amidst the fights. The kung fu is barely average, far weaker than you'd expect in a Hong Kong film. There's nothing new going on here. The only amusing thing in the film is watching Don try to act. He chews the scenery like one of those car shredders.

All in all deserving of the 4.6 score on the IMDb. I gave it a 4 it's definitely no 5. I'm not going to need to watch this one again. It's on YouTube.

Programmed To Kill 1987 Written by Robert Short, directed by Allan Holzman with additional scenes by Robert Short.

Robert Ginty is an operative for the CIA. He captures a terrorist played by Sandahl Bergman. In the capture she was stabbed, Ginty brings her to the US, she's operated on by some scientists and turned into a cyborg killing machine. Sandahl goes on her first assignment and kills her best terrorist pal. That triggers something in her head and she starts killing the men who changed her.

Ginty goes after Sandahl. There's plenty of fights and lots of shoot 'em ups. Nothing new or original, just plenty same old same old. I wouldn't need to see this one again. You can try it out on YouTube.

Friday Night Movies 945

Crime Zone 1988 Written by Daryl Haney and directed by Luis Llosa. An American Peruvian production, much of the movie was shot in Lima Peru with local cast and crew. Roger Corman is the producer and and it's a Concorde production.

Daryl has over 30 credits on the IMDb but I can't say I've seen many of his films other than Xtro 3: Watch The Skies, it's not overly good. Luis is a Peruvian who has made some films in America. I know I've seen the 1993 Fire On The Amazon, a terrible film that's more known for having Sandra Bullock's only sex scene. Luis would also direct Anaconda in 1997, that's got a fair budget and a fairly decent cast but there's still nothing too special about it.

Peter Nelson is Bone, a guy who starts the movie being thrown off the police force. He lives in the squalor of the lowest cast of society. Sherilyn Fenn is Helen, a prostitute who works in the local official brothel. The dregs of society aren't allowed to co-habit for some reason. It's all pretty dumb.

David Carradine plays Jason, he hires Bone and Helen to rob a place with official records. Despite wearing a mask they are discovered and go on the run. Jason gets them to do another job and they immediately become killers, blasting anyone in their way. The script is pretty poor. There's plenty of action and running about but listening to the actors just made me sad.

The movie's well below average, it scores a 4.5 on the IMDb and I gave it a 4. The 4 score has 20.2% of the votes and the 5 has 20% of the votes. A lot of the voters, 12.4%, gave the movie a 10. It was suggested that Sherilyn Fenn' sex scene was the reason. You can see if you like it on YouTube.

Future Kick 1991 Written by Catherine Cyran and Damian Klaus, directed by Damian Klaus. This is another Roger Corman produced Concorde production. This is also Damian Klaus's only film. The film only 80 mins long and 15-20% of the film uses footage from Crime Zone. Disappointing, but oh so typically Roger.

Don "The Dragon" Wilson is a cyborg in this SF picture. Meg Foster's husband was murdered and the police can't get to the cast for days. She hires Don to help her find her husband's killer. They run about, get in fights and occasionally shoot someone.

It turns out that an evil corporation is harvesting organs from the poor and down trodden. There's more fighting and the movie ends with most of the baddies dead. Yay!

It seems to have more strippers than the last movie but that's still not enough to get my vote up over a four. That's the same as the movie's average on the IMDb. If the two films weren't packed on the same DVD we might not have noticed all the copied footage. If they would have worked a little harder it could get a better score. You can see a copy on Rarelust if you want to try it.

Friday Night Movies 939

Left For Dead 2007 Written by Chad Leslie and directed by Albert Pyun. Am American Argentine production that was filmed in Argentina in 12 days. Albert won the Best Director award at the 2007 Costa del Sol Fantasy Film Festival.

A horror western with a demon gunfighter. Victoria Maurette plays Clementine, she's looking for a man called Sentenza, he deserted her and their baby. She meets a gang of whores who murdered all the people in a town. The head of the whores is looking for Sentenza also, he left her daughter pregnant and ran off.

They find Sentenza in the ghost town of Amnesty which is home to the dead soul of slain preacher Mobius Lockhardt. He made a pack with the devil to remain among the living. He can't leave the town and he can't die.

The whores get picked off one by one. There's a fair bit of action but the jittercam, jump cuts and freeze frames became annoying right quick. The characters were mostly entertaining, the lesser characters disappeared quickly, it's only an 84 min movie, no time to waste.

It's got a low score, a 3.2, on the IMDb but I thought it was more like a 5. That score would improve if there wasn't all the camera and editing trickery. That IMDb score is buoyed up by 54.5% of the votes being a 9 or a 10. I'm not sure who's voting, don't care. Don't think I'll bother with the DVD, maybe if I find it on clearance sometime.

Accion Mutante 1992 Written by Jorge Guerricaechevarría and Álex de la Iglesia, directed by Álex de la Iglesia. It's Álex's first film. A Spanish French production.

In a post-apocalyptic future the world is ruled by the rich and beautiful. A group of disable people, calling themselves mutants, plan to take down the rulers. Sadly, the mutants are mentally disabled and cannot formulate a plan that they can follow through. The kidnapping the movie opens with fails because they suffocate the victim.

The next kidnapping victim manages to survive in a complicated plot that I wouldn't even attempt to cover. It's a chaotic film with weird stuff going on all the time. The mutant group falls apart from the inside and nearly everyone dies.

I'd seen this 22 years ago but couldn't remember a thing about it. It's noisy, colorful, violent, funny and worth a look for some. Not everyone is going to like this one. We watched the new Severin Blu-ray release and it looks nice enough. The movie was pretty low budget, nice that the film elements survived. Doubt I'm going to add this to my collection.