PRIMITIVE SCREWHEADS

Science Fiction Sunday 823

Andromeda 2022 Written and directed by Brett Bentman.

An SF movie of dubious quality, the script is poor, the acting challenging, the science dubious and the plot embarrassing. Now that I've seen it I wouldn't need to see it again. Wish I hadn't seen it in the first place.

Solar Crisis 1990 Based on Crisis 2050 by Takeshi Kawata, screenplay by Joe Gannon and Tedi Sarafian (under the name Crispan Bolt), directed by Richard C Sarafian (under the name Alan Smithee). Alan Smithee is the name people use who aren't happy with their own name on a film.

Astronauts have to fly to the moon and nuke a solar flare from destroying the Earth. It's a bit below average and filled with cliches. I saw it once in 1993, I won't need to see it any more.

Friday Night Movies 1021

Future Cops 1993 Written and directed by Wong Jing. A Chinese action comedy that's loosely based on the game Street Fighter II: The World Warrior. It's not an authorized adaptation so they can't use the real character names. Wong had already adapted Street Fighter characters in the Jackie Chan film City Hunter. Wong directed that in 1993 along with 7 other films. He'd officially adapt the game in 1994 with the release of Street Fighter: The Ultimate Battle.

The movie starts in 2043, The General is trying to take over the world, the Future Cops are trying to stop him. The General's plan is to go back in time and kill the judge that's sentencing him in the future. The Future Cops use a time machine to go into the past to stop The General's gang members. Andy Lau, Jacky Cheung and Simon Yam are the Future Cops. Ken Lo plays The General, his minions are played by Ekin Cheng, Billy Chow and William Duen.

Back in 1993 the Future Cops contact Tai-hung, the future judge, and stay at the family house. Dicky Cheung plays Tai-hung, Chingmy Yau plays his sister Chun-may, Kingdom Yuen plays the mother Chun-doi and Richard Ng plays her boyfriend Uncle Richard.

Tai-hung gets picked on at school but the Future Cops help him out. There's a lot of stuff going on at the school and some of the gags are fun. Wong is the king of wacky comedy, often called Makes No Sense Comedy. His jokes aren't always funny, some go over my head because I don't get the gag, other are just plain dumb fart jokes and the like. The last half the movie is packed with action and huge set pieces. The sets take a beating as people smash through walls and ceilings. Eventually the baddies are defeated and things get back to normal.

I thought I might have seen this back in the 90s when there was a lot of Asian Martial Arts cinema happening locally. It turns out it was only 2014 when I saw it. It was Friday Night Movies 504 - 11-29-2014. I enjoyed most of the movie and might watch it again someday. 

The People's Joker 2023 Written by Vera Drew and Brit LeRose, directed by Vera Drew. An unofficial parody of The Joker and Batman comics.

It's a dystopian future and Batman is real, once he retired Gotham City has fallen into the control of the baddies. In Smallville Kansas a young boy wonders about his gender, he asks his mother if he was born in the wrong body. Mom's a high strung woman who shouldn't be raising plants. She sends him to Arkam Asylum for some therapy, Dr Crane prescribes Smylex, a vape that gives the user a forced smile and covers up some of the depression and anxiety.

Fifteen years later our young boy is calling herself Vera. She takes a chance and leaves for Gotham City to try to join the cast of UBC Live. It's a sketch comedy show with a program to create jokemen. She works with her favorite jokeman Ra's Al Ghul. Vera becomes a Jokeman because of her mostly male attributes. Sadly in the comedy world of the future, women are assigned to be nameless Harlequins to serve as dancers for the Jokemen. Vera starts her own anti-comedy troupe and takes the name Joker the Harlequin. She sets up in an abandoned theater. I did enjoy some of the stand up here though it's pretty hit or miss.

It's an interesting looking film with plenty of animation and special effects. The movie gets more and more complicated as more characters and concepts are introduced. I can't say I wholeheartedly enjoyed the movie. There were a few bits that made me laugh but many of jokes fall flat. It's not something I would watch again, not because it's bad, mostly because it's just a drama about someone struggling with life, drugs, gender and dating. I'm not really interested in the drama, something I triage from my viewing when possible. Life's too short to spend it watching miserable people telling me their troubles. I mean, who would want to hang out with the Kramers, not this fuckin' guy, I'll tell you that for free.

Friday Night Movies 1001

The Guyver 1991 Based on Bio Booster Armor Guyver, screenplay by Jon Purdy, directed by Screaming Mad George and Steve Wang. A joint US and Japan production that was produced by Brian Yuzna.

David Gale runs an evil corporation that makes bio weapons for money. They've got an alien artifact that they can't figure out how to turn on. A researcher steals it with the intention of giving it to an FBI guy played by Mark Hamill. The researcher is killed on delivery night by minions from the evil corporation. Michael Barryman plays the leader of that gang of minions. He can change into a monster at will, he kills the researcher and brings the alien artifact to Gale. It turns out the researcher had exchanged the alien artifact for a toaster. You'd think they would be happy, they know how to work a toaster and they'd have some toast, but Gale is steaming and promises certain death if Barryman doesn't get it back.

Mark has been to see the researcher's daughter at the dojo where her boyfriend trains, the boyfriend follows Mark and his girlfriend to the location where he finds the alien artifact. On the way home the boyfriend is attacked by some thugs, he accidentally activates the alien artifact and becomes the Guyver. After the fight the armor retreats back into his body.

The rest of the movie is the two sides battling it out for the Guyver unit. The boyfriend is killed and the girlfriend kidnapped. Mark gets experimented on and the boyfriend is revived in the form of a clone. He fights some more monster mutants and eventually things work out in the end. Except for the dead people, they're all still dead.

I'd first seen this in 1993 but hadn't seen it in a long while. I could not remember anything about the movie so it was like new to me. I seemed to recall enjoying the initial watching but  this time I didn't think it was as entertaining as the impression in my head. The acting is way over the top and some the actors aren't too good at their jobs as others. It's like the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers with more violence and gore. I don't know that I'd need to see it again.

The Old Ones 2024 Based on Lovecraft, screenplay and direction by Chad Ferrin.

A sea captain was kidnapped and possessed by a great Old One. Ninety three years later he's freed, now he wants to travel back in time to change the past and stop himself from being possessed. The old ones send a gang after him. The sea captain gets help from a father and son, they pulled his body from the water and saved him. The father is killed but the sea captain is sure if he gets back in time and changes things the father wouldn't be killed. The sea captain leads the son on an adventure to achieve his goal.

It's a fairly decently made film on a small budget. Even the acting was better on average than the previous film. For the most part I enjoyed the movie but I'm not drawn to wanting a copy. I doubt I would watch this one again either.

Friday Night Movies 999

Death Machine 1995 Written and directed by Stephen Norrington. We watched the director's cut from the Kino Lorber Blu-ray. It's got three versions of the movie on two disks. Norrington only directed four films, this was the first, followed by Blade, The Last Minute and The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen. I've liked the 3 films of his that I've seen, TLM is the one I haven't seen. He hasn't directed any films since 2003 but has occasionally worked in special effects. He has no credits on the IMDb after 2016.

Ely Pouget is head of Chaank Armaments Corp, Brad Dourif is a designer, Richard Brake and William Hootkins are executives. The Corp's enhanced solder glitches and kills some people in a diner. The story is out and the public isn't happy. The corp tries some damage control. Ely wants full public disclosure but the board says no. She wants Brad fired but the board says no.

Ely has an encounter with Brad about the project in Vault 10 and Brad threatens her. He's a major loony but fun to watch. Things get worse between them and Brad sends his killer robot from Vault 10 after her. Soon the robot is clanking around the building, slaughtering the staff. Some Eco-warriors break into the building, they become Ely's reluctant partners battling the robot and trying to escape. Ely locks Brad in Vault 10 with his robot. Hardly anybody gets out alive.

It's got plenty of great robot action, lots of clanky noise, good sets and models, plenty of gun shooting and explosions. I enjoyed it and I will order the Blu-ray for myself. I want to see the other versions of the film and I'm curious about the Norrington commentaries. The Blu-ray is only 15 bucks on Amazon. Seems a bargain.

The Lady And The Monster 1944 Based on the novel Donovan's Brain by Curt Siodmak, screenplay by Dane Lussier and Frederick Kohner, directed by George Sherman. He watched the new Kino Lorber Republic Horror Collection Blu-ray. It's got four 1940s films on two Blu-rays with plenty of commentaries.

 

Erich von Stroheim is Professor Franz Mueller, he's a mad scientist with his own laboratory in a fake looking castle in the middle of the Arizona desert. Erich believes he can keep a human brain alive out of the body. Mueller is asked by the local rangers if he can help a man who was in a plane crash. When the man dies Mueller takes advantage and removes the brain. They find out the dead man is a millionaire business man called Donovan. Richard Arlen and Vera Ralston are Erich's assistants, Patrick and Janice. The pair have a thing going on but Mueller also has feelings for Janice, he tries his best to disrupt the relationship.

Donovan's brain seems to be sending messages to a tired Patrick and Mueller encourages him to make contact with the brain. Patrick does, Donovan slowly takes over Patrick's brain, turning him into a slave. Donovan's lawyer is investigating the death, he finds the brain in the lab with documents about the experiment. Donovan had hid all his money, he sends Patrick on a mission to recover it. Things come to a head when Mueller tries to kill Patrick. The house keeper shoots him dead  and Donovan's brain gets dashed to the floor. Patrick goes to jail for monkeying with a dead man's brain and Janice promises to wait for him.

I mostly enjoyed the movie but it sure dragged at times, I was drifting off for a while there and there were complaints about the pace. A New York Times review, at the time of release, called it "a mite too lethargic." They aren't wrong. I seem to remember that the 1953 Donovan's Brain film was a better picture but it's been ages since I've seen it. I'll have to watch it and see. I'm looking forward to the commentaries on the film.

Friday Night Movies 994

Eight Men To Kill 1962 Written by Tatsuo Honda and Kôji Takada, directed by Shigehiro Ozawa. The third in the Bounty Hunter series with Wakayama Tomisaburo. The three film Blu-ray box set is from Radiance.

Shikoro Ichibei takes on the job of getting a huge stock of gold back from some bandits. He's got til the day of the eclipse and that's only 4 days away. He chases down the members of the gang only to find them empty handed, someone else in the gang has taken the gold. No honor amongst those thieves. There are a good number of sword fights and plenty of horse riding, bodies dot the landscape.

Ichibei barely survives the mission but he gets there in the end. Most everyone else is dead. A constant reminder of the short and dangerous life in feudal Japan. All in all a good trilogy with plenty of action and stabbing. Highly recommended.

Neon City 1991 Written by Ann Lewis Hamilton (as Buck Finch), Jeff Begun and Monte Markham, directed by Monte Markham. A Canadian post apocalypse film that was filmed in Utah.

Bounty hunter Micheal Ironside captures Vanity in the out lands, she turns out to be a valuable captive, big reward offered for her capture. At the local town they tell him he has to take her to Neon City, that's where the warrant was issued, that's where the reward credits are payed out. It's a few days away but he'll go, he wants his credits. The local officer has Micheal's jeep blown up. That officer hates Michael and that forces Michael to take the stagecoach transport to Neon City. The movie is Hamilton's update of John Ford's Stagecoach. Instead of native braves the passengers have to fight off the local mutant raiders. They've been damaged by the residual radiation in the out land. 

There's some action scenes and a bit of dull time before the action picks up again. They get to Neon City where Michael has to kill one of the passengers for murdering another. He lies to the authorities when he tells them Vanity died on the road. Michael and Vanity leave Neon City with Lyle Alzado.

It's pretty much average, nothing too new or exciting. Richard Sanders as the comic relief machine reminds one how sad it is when the apocalypse wipes out all the really talented entertainers. That's why I'm saving DVDs. Hope I can get some electricity and a working DVD player.

Friday Night Movies 945

Crime Zone 1988 Written by Daryl Haney and directed by Luis Llosa. An American Peruvian production, much of the movie was shot in Lima Peru with local cast and crew. Roger Corman is the producer and and it's a Concorde production.

Daryl has over 30 credits on the IMDb but I can't say I've seen many of his films other than Xtro 3: Watch The Skies, it's not overly good. Luis is a Peruvian who has made some films in America. I know I've seen the 1993 Fire On The Amazon, a terrible film that's more known for having Sandra Bullock's only sex scene. Luis would also direct Anaconda in 1997, that's got a fair budget and a fairly decent cast but there's still nothing too special about it.

Peter Nelson is Bone, a guy who starts the movie being thrown off the police force. He lives in the squalor of the lowest cast of society. Sherilyn Fenn is Helen, a prostitute who works in the local official brothel. The dregs of society aren't allowed to co-habit for some reason. It's all pretty dumb.

David Carradine plays Jason, he hires Bone and Helen to rob a place with official records. Despite wearing a mask they are discovered and go on the run. Jason gets them to do another job and they immediately become killers, blasting anyone in their way. The script is pretty poor. There's plenty of action and running about but listening to the actors just made me sad.

The movie's well below average, it scores a 4.5 on the IMDb and I gave it a 4. The 4 score has 20.2% of the votes and the 5 has 20% of the votes. A lot of the voters, 12.4%, gave the movie a 10. It was suggested that Sherilyn Fenn' sex scene was the reason. You can see if you like it on YouTube.

Future Kick 1991 Written by Catherine Cyran and Damian Klaus, directed by Damian Klaus. This is another Roger Corman produced Concorde production. This is also Damian Klaus's only film. The film only 80 mins long and 15-20% of the film uses footage from Crime Zone. Disappointing, but oh so typically Roger.

Don "The Dragon" Wilson is a cyborg in this SF picture. Meg Foster's husband was murdered and the police can't get to the cast for days. She hires Don to help her find her husband's killer. They run about, get in fights and occasionally shoot someone.

It turns out that an evil corporation is harvesting organs from the poor and down trodden. There's more fighting and the movie ends with most of the baddies dead. Yay!

It seems to have more strippers than the last movie but that's still not enough to get my vote up over a four. That's the same as the movie's average on the IMDb. If the two films weren't packed on the same DVD we might not have noticed all the copied footage. If they would have worked a little harder it could get a better score. You can see a copy on Rarelust if you want to try it.

Friday Night Movies 939

Left For Dead 2007 Written by Chad Leslie and directed by Albert Pyun. Am American Argentine production that was filmed in Argentina in 12 days. Albert won the Best Director award at the 2007 Costa del Sol Fantasy Film Festival.

A horror western with a demon gunfighter. Victoria Maurette plays Clementine, she's looking for a man called Sentenza, he deserted her and their baby. She meets a gang of whores who murdered all the people in a town. The head of the whores is looking for Sentenza also, he left her daughter pregnant and ran off.

They find Sentenza in the ghost town of Amnesty which is home to the dead soul of slain preacher Mobius Lockhardt. He made a pack with the devil to remain among the living. He can't leave the town and he can't die.

The whores get picked off one by one. There's a fair bit of action but the jittercam, jump cuts and freeze frames became annoying right quick. The characters were mostly entertaining, the lesser characters disappeared quickly, it's only an 84 min movie, no time to waste.

It's got a low score, a 3.2, on the IMDb but I thought it was more like a 5. That score would improve if there wasn't all the camera and editing trickery. That IMDb score is buoyed up by 54.5% of the votes being a 9 or a 10. I'm not sure who's voting, don't care. Don't think I'll bother with the DVD, maybe if I find it on clearance sometime.

Accion Mutante 1992 Written by Jorge Guerricaechevarría and Álex de la Iglesia, directed by Álex de la Iglesia. It's Álex's first film. A Spanish French production.

In a post-apocalyptic future the world is ruled by the rich and beautiful. A group of disable people, calling themselves mutants, plan to take down the rulers. Sadly, the mutants are mentally disabled and cannot formulate a plan that they can follow through. The kidnapping the movie opens with fails because they suffocate the victim.

The next kidnapping victim manages to survive in a complicated plot that I wouldn't even attempt to cover. It's a chaotic film with weird stuff going on all the time. The mutant group falls apart from the inside and nearly everyone dies.

I'd seen this 22 years ago but couldn't remember a thing about it. It's noisy, colorful, violent, funny and worth a look for some. Not everyone is going to like this one. We watched the new Severin Blu-ray release and it looks nice enough. The movie was pretty low budget, nice that the film elements survived. Doubt I'm going to add this to my collection.

Friday Night Movies 932

Frost: Portrait Of A Vampire 2003 Written and directed by Kevin VanHook.

Jack Frost is a mercenary, one of his men, a guy called Nat, gets bitten by a vampire on a mission in Afghanistan. After the war Nat goes onto another job and Jack becomes a painter and art historian.

Nat goes on a job in Mexico for some scumbag. That scumbag likes to keep his activities on the down low and he has Nat and the gang killed after the mission. Nat manages to escape but he's wounded. After wandering in the desert for a while, Nat dies and becomes a vampire. The vampire lore in the movie doesn't follow the Dracula lore. These vampires can go out in the day and you seem to get turned after you die, no matter how long it takes.

Jack learns that the scumbag had Nat and his men killed. He goes to visit the scumbag for a spot of revenge. That's the end of that guy. Nat shows up in San Diego and kills some people. He hides out at his wife's place but she soon sees the vampi side of him and runs to Jack. Jack finds Nat who warns him he won't kill Jack if Jack leaves him alone.

After Nat kills his wife and Jack's girlfriend all Jack can do is hunt the prick down. The actress who plays Jack's girlfriend is quite pretty but she's a terrible actress, she might be the worst of a rather poor lot. Most everything about the movie is poor. It gets a 2.4 on the IMDb for good reason, 48.1% of the votes are a 1. I gave it a 2 because I'm mean. I did like the nice animated bats but that's only a few seconds. There isn't anything to make me want to recommend it to other horror fans. I wouldn't need to see it again.

Goodbye 20th Century 1998 Written and directed by Darko Mitrevski and Aleksandar Popovski. Perhaps the only film made in Macedonia that I've seen. It's a weird post apocalypse film that means more to the film makers than I can figure out.

It's a triptych of stories, the first takes place in the post apocalypse world of 2019. A man is being executed by the leaders of a tribe, he fails to die no matter how often they shoot him. I don't know what's going on but I liked the cast's costumes. The second story is set in 1900. It's a 3 min short in sepia. A man has fallen in love with his sister, he buys her from their father. After they marry, the husband is killed by members of the wedding party.

The third story is set New Years Eve 1999. A man dressed as Santa returns to his apartment building to find a wake going on. Things are kind of normal for a bit. Violence breaks out and nearly everyone's dead at the end of the segment. I did like the red headed ladies costume. I'm not sure what was going on, I am sure it's probably not worth thinking about anymore.

It's an odd film, very stylish but lacking a good story. It's mostly well filmed and produced but there's no real narrative, the first and third segments could have been part of more interesting films, one that's been fleshed out with a story. We watched the new Vinegar Syndrome Blu-ray, it looks fine, you can see a copy on YouTube or download a better one off of Rarelust. One of them is in the link above.

Friday Night Movies 913

Espionage In Tangier 1965 Story by Herbert Curiel, screenplay by R Belgrozo, directed by Gregg C Tallas. A Spanish Italian production.

 

A mad scientist has invented a disintegrator pistol. Agent S 077 is assigned to the case. We follow him around as he annoys everyone. There's some baddies and some pretty ladies. The dialog makes little sense at times and the fights are often poor. It's a bit of a loser. I wouldn't need to see it again.

Drive 1997 Written by Scott Phillips and directed by Steve Wang. We watched the MVD Director's Cut Blu-ray of the movie, it's got restored scenes and plenty of new extras. When I saw Drive back in 1999 I thought it was a highly entertaining action driven chase film. I watched it several times with other people but hadn't seen it for several years.

Mark Dacascos is an augmented special agent from Hong Kong. He's got a special device in his chest that makes him stronger and quicker than your average martial arts expert. He has decided to leave Hong Kong, he's going to sell the device to a company in Los Angeles for $5,000,000. James Shigeta plays the boss of the company that makes the device, he wants to keep the device from getting into other people's hands.

The baddies catch up to Mark in San Francisco, he's crossed the ocean by stowing away on a ship. He manages to escape and after kidnapping Kadeem Hardison in a bar they race across California. John Pyper-Ferguson and his toady Tracey Walter lead the gang that's chasing them. The pair get a room in a motel that Brittany Murphy is managing for her parents. She helps the guys out and the baddies blow up her motel. It was a darn good explosion. There was nothing left of the motel.

It's got a great script with a great sense of humor. The action, martial arts and stunt work are the equal of any top notch Hong Kong action film. Mark kicks the crap out of a horde of baddies in some entertaining fights. There's some nice scenery as the guys travel from San Francisco to Los Angeles. There's a big ending fight in a NASA themed restaurant. It doesn't survive the fight too well, neither do the baddies. Mark and Kadeem head for LA without anyone on their trail.

Why this movie isn't more popular beats me. It doesn't seem to make any of those best martial arts movie lists I see once in a while. It scores a 6.6 on the IMDb, I gave it a 7, it's easily that good or better.

I liked the director's cut so much I ordered one as soon as I got home. I would have ordered it on my tablet during the movie but I couldn't remember my Amazon password. I'm curious about the commentary and extras, the earlier DVD I have has no special features. 

Friday Night Movies 901

Shriek Of The Mutilated 1974 Written by Ed Adlum and Ed Kelleher, directed by Michael Findlay, cinematography by Roberta Findlay. We watched the new Vinegar Syndrome Blu-ray. Nice print of a really poor film.

Some college students go on an expedition to a house on an island. There's stories of a Yeti in the area. They have a boring drive up there and a horrible time at the cabin. There's a lot of yelling and running about in the woods.

There's nothing much to recommend about the film. They've got a turgid script and a poor cast to carry it off. Roberta's cinematography is pretty pedestrian with the occasional nice image. The music was inappropriate and annoying. The kind of movie I'd want to punch in the face. It has a nice level of weirdness but it just doesn't make up for for any of the bad work a person has to sit through. It sure made it's 72 min running time seem much, much longer.

Future Kick 1991 Written and directed by Damian Klaus, produced by Roger Corman.

Don the Dragon Wilson is a cyborg in this SF tale set in 2025. The rich have fucked off to the moon and the rest of humanity lives in poverty on the overcrowded Earth. A medical company uses the poor as a body parts bank for the rich. Meg Foster is a woman who goes to Earth to find her husband's killer. Then we find out it was all a simulated reality.

Total Recall came out the year before Future Kick. Not that you can compare the two films. In fact, this was worse than Shriek Of The Mutilated. It might be the reason that Damian never made another film. If I made that film, I'd want the ground to open up under me to save me from having to apologize for it again. Hopefully I'll forget about it by morning. I didn't find a copy on YouTube. So, small mercy.