PRIMITIVE SCREWHEADS

Friday Night Movies 698

Terminal came out this year. I don't always see the new films, and dropping Netflix DVD will mean I see less. I'll have to rely on Amazon Prime for my allotment of crappy new SF movies in the future. Terminal isn't SF, it's more fantasy. A revenge film with a hint of Alice In Wonderland. It's written and directed by Vaughn Stein. It's his first movie as a director, he'd been 2nd Unit Director or Assistant Director on over 20 other films, some of note. Vaughn's heavy with the style. It looks cool but for a while in the middle he forgets to move the story along at an appreciable rate. While the film is stylish it's not anywhere as stylish as Tears Of The Black Tiger was the other day. When you get down to the core of the story, there's an abused woman who's killing all sorts of people for revenge, and she's bat shit crazy. Reminds one to mind what they do. I didn't mind watching it but I wouldn't need to go buy myself a copy to watch again someday.

I would buy a copy of Alien Autopsy but only if it was really cheap. It's a 2006 British film that's got one of the few times Jimmy Carr tried acting. Don't give up your day job Jimmy. Ant and Dec play the two guys who originally brought the Alien Autopsy film to the world. I remember that happening, it was back in 1995, and Ray Santilli and Gary Shoefield tried to fool the world with a faked reconstructed film of an alien autopsy at Roswell in 1947. The movie version makes it all out to be a rather silly story and while there's a laugh or two, it could use more jokes. Jonny Campbell is the director and William Davies is the writer. Jonny was the director of The Casual Vacancy and many other British TV programs, including a couple of episodes of Doctor Who. Not much comedy there. William is more know for writing comedies, maybe the most famous are Twins, the two Johnny English movies with Rowan Atkinson, Puss In Boots, and the first How To Train Your Dragon film.

Where Evil Lies 6 Movie Collection

Here's another multi film collection from Mill Creek Entertainment. Where Evil Lies has got 6 movies on 2 discs. That's a better average than most of the discs in MCE's library. Currently this set is $6.25 on Amazon, I picked on up for 3 bucks in the HPB clearance section. Here's what's on there.

Devour 2005 This is about a dangerous magical video game that could kill everyone on the planet. It could be the devil. It could have been more interesting but it wasn't.

Population 436 2006 Jeremy Sisto comes along to a town that has certain rules about the population. They want him to stay and he doesn't. It's a pretty creepy place, glad I'm not living there.

Candy Strippers 2006 It's an alien invasion in a hospital with all the nursing staff and doctors being taken over by alien parasites. It's up to some young people to fight back. Not too good, it scores a well deserved 3 on the IMDb. It could be lower. It could have been higher if they had more nudity and gore but it wouldn't help the story or much of anything else.

Incubus 2005 Tara Reid and some pals have accident on a lonely road. They wander through the woods until they find a facility. They break in and discover a couple of dead people in lab coats. They unlock the security cell of a nearly naked man, he's strapped to a chair. Turns out that nearly naked guy is a psycho killer who had been executed 6 years earlier. It's all running and screaming once he gets out. Oh, yeah, he's some sort of demon too. Poor saps, sad for them. Sad for me, it's another one that's below average. I kind of blasted through the last half pretty quickly.

Wind Chill 2007 Emily Blunt is a collage student returning to her home town, she gets a ride from a guy in one of her classes, he takes a short cut and they break down and meet some ghosts. Bad shit happened at their accident site in the 50s and it doesn't seem to want to leave. There's the most walking around in the woods I've seen in a while. Another candidate for the FF button.

The Cottage 2008 This is the best film in the batch. I'd seen it before and enjoyed it a second time. Andy Serkis and Steve Pemberton are involved in a kidnapping that goes wrong for them. Their pain is my gain. The more they get hurt the harder I giggle. It's well worth the cost of the DVD set.

Better than many of the multi movie packs that I pick up. I'll keep it, I keep most of the multi movie packs I buy, as I want to watch The Cottage again some day.

Bad Boys I & II

Bad Boys is one of my favorite action movies. It's a 1995 buddy movie with Will Smith and Martin Lawrence. I'm trying not to upgrade DVDs to Blu-ray but once in a while I break down and pick up a copy of something like Bad Boys. I noticed that the 2 Blu-ray set of Bad Boys I & II was only 10 bucks. The movies look much better than the DVDs I have. I like the first movie much more than the second movie but only because Michael Bay changed his style in the 8 years between these movies. His action scenes became filled with close ups and lots of quick cuts. I find that more annoying than not. I don't think the script is up to the first movies script either. It's still delivers a good action movie with lots of gun fire, explosions and car chases. The first movie was just more fun.

The Girl Who Shagged Me 2005

The Girl Who Shagged Me is a 2005 Misty Mundae film, trying to spoof, say Austin Powers or some such. Misty's a spy in this made in the UK film. Misty Mundae's name was owned by the company that made her earlier films and Misty has to go by Erin Brown nowadays. Misty's big draw is she doffs her clothes pretty frequently. Sadly she doesn't take her clothes off as much in this film. There isn't much else going on in the film. It's got a terrible script and several terrible actors. The jokes are weak, sometimes embarrassing. The costumes and make up choices create some WTF moments for me. They even manage to film England poorly. Some of the other ladies try and make up for that with some extra naked time. It's not enough though. Glad I didn't buy a copy.

On reflection the most interesting thing about the film is the title. It's a double layer spoof, the James Bond film The Spy Who Loved Me, then Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me and now The Girl Who Shagged Me. Of course, it's a poor joke, the whole reference to spying is gone. These are really fuckin' awful film makers, Andy Sawyer is the writer and Tom J Moose is the director. This was the second film for Tom, he directed one more in 2006 and then no more. Yay! Andy wrote Tom's third film and then he quit writing. Good thing. I see on the IMDb that 25.2% of the votes are a 1, I gave it a 2, for no good reason.

One Eyed Monster 2008

Even if One-Eyed Monster isn't that good it's got Ron Jeremy and his penis. It's a 2008 horror comedy that was written by Jordan, Scott and Adam Fields and directed by Adam. While Adam is more of a composer, he did direct this film and three previous shorts. Neither Adam or Scott have any IMDb credits past 2008. Jordan is a producer on Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Return.

Besides Ron Jeremy, the only other cast members I know are Charles Napier, Amber Benson and Veronica Hart. Charles has been in so much stuff over the years, Veronica is a 70's and 80's porn star, and Amber you might remember from Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

Ron is part of a group of porn actors going to a remote mountain side cabin to do some filming. Ron and Veronica are the old pros, all the others are new to the game. There's a bit of a crew there, director, producer, cameraman, sound guy, and a gaffer. Amber does the make up and acts as script girl. 

During Ron's scene he goes out to take a whiz. Outside he sees a shooting star which then zaps him. During the scene Ron's cock runs off and he goes into a coma, then dies. The cock chases the cast and crew around until Charles Napier arrives. He'd had a run in with a similar cock in 'Nam and he's been holed up in the mountains ever since. A bunch of people get drilled to death before subduing the deadly member. It ends with a big question.

It's got some humor, not much nudity, and a big penis monster. It was OK but not much better than average. I would only recommend to the big hoprror fan who wants to see it all.

Grimm 2003

Grimm is a 2003 comedy from the Netherlands that hints of the Brothers Grimm story Brother And Sister. It's set modern day and has a nice dark edge too it. A family has fallen on hard times, the father takes his two grown children into the woods and leaves them there. The mother put a note into the son's pocket telling him to go to see his Uncle in Spain. The brother and sister immediately turn to crime and have a bit of an adventure, leaving a body or two behind them, as they steal their way to Spain, only to find their Uncle has died. The sister marries a surgeon, the brother doesn't like him, there's tension in house. There's even more when the brother finds out that the surgeon wants his kidney, the surgeon's sister needs it.

The surgeon drugs the siblings, the sister gets locked up, after the organ harvesting the brother is dumped in a ditch. Lucky for him he's alive. The sister escapes and gets reunited with the brother and the movie is only two thirds over. More chasing and running about follows and there's a bit of a happy ending. I found it entertaining and worth the look. There's plenty of nice scenery, the movie is filmed in the Netherlands, German and Spain. In Spain the bits near the end are shot in an old American Western town that has appeared in plenty of Westerns. The interview with writer director Alex van Warmerdam he says that Laurence Of Arabia was shot near that location.

I got the DVD from Netflix and I might want to have a copy to see again but it appears to be out of print and a bit pricey online. Might turn up used cheap, you never know.

The Cottage 2008

The Cottage is a 2008 British crime comedy with rather dark roots. It's written and directed by Paul Andrew Williams. I haven't seen any of the other 3 or 4 movies he's directed nor the third series of Broadchurch.

That's Reece Shearsmith, Jennifer Ellison and Andy Serkis above. Andy and Reece are brothers who have kidnapped Jennifer. They take her to a remote cottage to wait for the ransom to be paid. Jennifer's dad is a big time criminal and he somehow knows that Jennifer's brother is in on the scheme so he sends napkins instead of money. Oh, he also sent a couple of homicidal Chinese guys to kill the kidnappers. Trouble is, there's a farmer in the way. He's even more of a homicidal maniac than the Chinese guys are. What a predicament, huh.

It's a great looking movie, with an entertaining script. It's got a great cast and Doug Bradley makes a nice cameo. The poster tells us it's hilariously gory and that's a fact. Of course, it's definitely going to appeal to those with a bit of a sick sense of humor. Needless to say I got a few laughs and would be glad to add this to my collection. I'd want to see it again someday.