PRIMITIVE SCREWHEADS

Science Fiction Sunday 577

TimeSlingers is the Canadian DVD title for Aliens In The Wild, Wild West. It turned up at the Dollar Tree for a buck and I bought it. It's a 1999 Canadian Romanian production that was filmed in Romania. There's Americans, Canadians and Romanians in the cast. The screenplay is by Alon Kaplan and the director is George Erschbamer.

It's really an SF western aimed at the teen crowd. A really fuckin' annoying kid and his slightly annoying older sister go on vacation with mom and dad. The kids don't get along. The family stop at a ghost town and the kids find a space device that sends them back in time to the 1880s. They team up with a local guy to save some aliens who've landed and got captured by cowboys who want to sell them to a circus as freaks.

It's all pretty much by the numbers. I would have enjoyed it more for what it was but for the wise cracking shit bag teen boy. At it's best it's below average and I'm sure glad I didn't pay more it than a dollar. I'm going to keep it for now. I might want to watch it again. It'll probably never happen.

Vampire Wars is another DVD from the Dollar Tree, at least I think so, it's been languishing in the pile for a while. Hopefully it wasn't a $2 or $3 clearance item at Half Price Books. I wouldn't want to pay that much, even for a fun Michael Ironside performance. He's a nasty vampire guy in this 2005 Canadian TV movie that's also known as Bloodsuckers. The DVD is pricey on Amazon, starting at $22.01 and rising to $83.50. I'm still hopin' I didn't pay 2 bucks for it.

There are vampires in space and they aren't any too happy to have the humans among them, other than for food stuffs. The human's have spaceships that go out and wipe out vampires. We follow the crew of one of the spaceships as they battle the bitey guys. There's plenty of fighting, ray guns, gore, spaceships, tunnels, yakking and walking in the woods. The movie was filmed in Squamish BC. The human crew is made up of four humans and a turncoat vampire of some sort.  Michael is on one of the planets they stop at, at least he was entertaining to watch. He's a delightful bastard but he's still a vampire and he needs to get lit up. There's nothing great about it, barely average in every way. I wouldn't need to watch it again but I'll keep the DVD, who knows, maybe it will be worth even more money in the future.

Science Fiction Sunday 573

Isolation is a 2005 SF Irish film film about cattle mutations. A scientist is experimenting on cows at a farm. He wants to make them grow faster. It partially works, a calf is born already pregnant. Sadly, the new born has wicked teeth and can bite the dickens out of fingers and teats. It's fetuses are even worse mutants, fanged flesh lumps with exoskeletons. The scientist kills the calf but one of the fetuses escapes during the autopsy. The escapee starts poking it's flesh pods into any handy living thing, infecting cows and humans alike. It's all very much an Alien/The Thing sort of movie. It's all goopy, bloody and there are a lot of cow entrails. There's a fair bit of struggle as the monster and the scientist kill off the humans and cows. The scientist went mad, well, madder then he already was, and started killing people. Essie Davis plays a vet who gets pulled into the middle of the mess when she visits the farm. It's written and directed by Billy O'Brien. I didn't mind it but I wouldn't need to see it again. I'm glad I don't feel the need for the disc, there are two on Amazon, one for $34.,95 and another for $143.03. Not worth it, I doubt I would even download a free copy.

Octaman is a 1971 SF and horror film about a human octopus mutation. It's written and directed by Harry Essex. Rick Baker is the costume designer. Kerwin Matthews, Jeff Morrow, David Essex and Pier Angeli all deliver lack luster performances. It's set in Mexico, the scientists find a weird octopus that can crawl on land. They can't get money to study it so they make a deal with a circus owner to fund the capture of more of these creatures. Turns out there's a big human size critter and it can kill humans pretty easily. They round up some locals and try to capture that big beast. Hardly anyone comes out of that alive. It's all pretty below average. Meandering script, sad monster attacks, poorly shot locations, shit day for night effect, not much was good about the film. Another one I wouldn't need to see again. I get so forgetful, if only I had a way of warning myself not to watch it again. Anyway, you can see it on YouTube, there's a link in the title.

Friday Night Movies 773

The Beast And The Magic Sword is a 1983 Paul Naschy movie that was made in Spain and Japan. It's the tenth in the Count Waldemar Daninsky film series about a guy's who's a werewolf. This movie starts in the 16th century Spain with Irineus Daninsky, an ancestor of the Count, wanting to cure himself of the werewolf curse. Some witch hunters attack the guy who might have helped Irineus. The man lies dying when Irineus shows up, before he dies he sends Irineus to Japan to look for a man called Kain.

In Japan Irineus searches for Kain. He's there so long that he's killing the locals during multiple full moons and the local authorities have taken notice. Kain and Irineus paths cross while the wolf is out, werewolf footprints allow Kain to follow Irineus to his house. Kain offers to help Irineus cure his curse but he can't seem to help quick enough and Irineus consults a witch. Irineus is kind of an asshole, he doesn't seem to care much to keep the werewolf locked up during the full moon, and he's willing to go see an evil witch against everyone's advice. She turns out to be a horrible monster and things go poorly for Irineus.

Surprisingly, it's one of the better of Naschy's movies. He wrote and directed it under the name Jacinto Molina. His real name is Jacinto Molina Alvarez and he used the first two names for most of his writing and directing credits, he acted under the name Paul Naschy. He directed 23 movies and acted in over 100. I just don't find him that interesting. Some of his horror movies are downright poor to me. I often joke about digging up Paul's body and using his fleshless skull to crack other poor film makers in the nuts. I wouldn't crack Paul for this one, his werewolf make up is better than some of his make ups in the past, and he managed to make a nice looking film. Sadly, his action scenes are a mess, some downright poor and others fair at best. It's a long film, nearly 2 hours, and it's a long slog to sit through. I'd give it a 5 or a 6 but wouldn't need to see it again.

Raiga: God Of The Monsters is a 2009 Japanese giant monster film. It's the sequel to Reigo: King Of The Monsters from 2008. I haven't seen that but they put in some clips in the current movie. There's a 2019 sequel called Raiga Vs Ohga.

Raiga: God Of The Monsters is pretty much a comedy monster movie. We spend a lot of time with a loud and annoying family, their loud and annoying friends, and some loud and annoying government types as the sea monster comes calling. Rather than get out of town the people we meet stumble about yelling and being annoying. The beastie does some damage to the city, the monster is a guy in a suit, but the cityscape is mostly altered by medium rez CGI. Some of the effects are better than others, some are crap like you'd find on the SyFy channel, they use big explosions to cover up a lot. At times I was thinking the buildings were filled with fireworks and gasoline.

It's going to appeal to the monster fan to some extent. I got a laugh or two out of it but I didn't feel I needed to see it again and wasn't planning to get the new Blu-ray. I'd rather spend my remaining movie watching time watching something a bit better, there are all those Toho movies to watch again, and again. I guess that's movie triage for ya.

Friday Night Movies 771

Terrordactyl is a 2016 SF horror comedy about pterodactyls falling to Earth in meteors. Two hapless guys work as gardeners, they drink in a bar with a pretty waitress. The one guy has a crush on the waitress but can't get enough jam together to ask her out. A long haired vet drinks there too. They all get tossed into the middle of a flying invasion of space pterodactyls. The hapless guys turn out to have some guts, waitress has some brains and the vet has mucho guns and ammo. They battle their way around LA. The flying invaders look better than a lot of the CGI you see on the SyFy channel and the story is a fair bit better than most of their fare. Don Bitters III wrote the screenplay and co-directed with Geoff Reisner. Don has mostly been an effects guy for the last dozen years. This is his first film and so far the only one. He's currently directing episodes of Home Invasion. Not a title that makes me want to see the program. It's Geoff's first feature too, he's most a cinematographer, he's directing a new feature called F.E.A.R.

Return Of The Evil Fox is a 1991 Chines horror comedy written by Kong Mou and directed by Chuo-Chi Leung. An evil spirit is haunting a building and some religious types go after it. There's plenty of fighting, acrobatics, and flying about. There's some laughs as the movie pokes a bit of fun at the religious antics. It's about average for the time and place. I enjoyed the yelling and confusion and I'd watch it again someday.

Friday Night Movies 769

Garo Special: Beast Of The Demon Night is a Japanese TV movie from 2006. It's a further adventure after the 26 episode TV show ended. It's set in modern day Japan but with a magical religious group that hunts demons. Lord Legules is an evil prick who wants to unleash his horde of demons on the human world by opening a passage to the demon world. The three guys on the poster are Makai Priests, they fight the demons, usually as they are but once things get serious they magic up some shiny armor and bigger swords. There are plenty of fights, all shooshing through the woods, and the last 20 minutes is all one big battle. It got a bit much and made me less interested. I don't think I need to see it again.

I would be interested in seeing The Uncanny again. It's a 1977 anthology horror film about murderous cats. It's a Canadian and English production filmed in both countries. It's screenplay is by Michel Parry and the director is Denis Héroux. It was the last film for Denis as a director, he would go onto produce some good bit of TV until 2000.  I haven't seen any of his other work.

There's a nice cast, Peter Cushing and Ray Milland are writer and publisher, Peter pushing his new supernatural tinged crime book where all the crimes are avenged by cats. Ray's skeptical as Peter outlines three different cases.

In London 1912 a rich woman, Joan Greenwood, rewrites her will with lawyer Roland Culver, leaving all her cash to her cats and a meal to her scumbag nephew. Simon Williams play the nephew and Susan Pehhaligon plays the maid. Simon and Susan has a secret romance, they are waiting for Joan to kick off and then they can play with all her riches. The news of the will change pushes Michael to murder, he convinces Susan to poison Joan's medicine. None of that goes as planned and the cats avenge their mistress's death.

In the Quebec 1975 story a young teenager named Lucy comes to live with her aunt and uncle. Katrina Holden Bronson plays Lucy, she's the adopted daughter of Jill Ireland and Charles Bronson. In the film her parents have just died and all she has is her cat. The mother, played by Alexandra Stewart, doesn't care for the cat but hubby, played by Donald Pilon, says that Lucy should keep her cat as it's the only thing she has. The daughter, played by Chloe Franks, is a real piece of shit and she manipulates the parents into getting rid of the cat. Lucy is heartbroken. The cat comes back and the killing starts.

In Hollywood 1936 Samantha Eggar is the mistress of Donald Pleasence, he's an actor married to Catherine Bégin, she's an actress too. They are all in a play but Samantha is only Catherine's understudy. When Catherine is murdered, Donald puts Samantha in the play. Catherine's cat comes looking for vengeance.

After telling Donald his theory on the evil of the cat, Peter leaves. He's attacked by cats on his way home and Donald burns the manuscript. It was entertaining and colorful with more than the average number of murdering cats. You can check out a copy on YouTube in the link above. You might get a laugh out of it.

Science Fiction Sunday 568

The 2004 Hallmark mini-series Frankenstein was pretty faithful to the Mary Shelley novel and it reminds me once again what an ass that Frankenstein was. Surely not the sort of person that you'd like to get to know. Alec Newman plays Viktor Frankenstein, some might remember him from the Dune mini-series of a few years ago. It's directed by Kevin Connor and the screenplay is by Mark Kruger. They follow the novel quite well, much more so than most of the other adaptations, and it's a sad ass story. One bad thing after another happens to Frankenstein, fueled by his fear of death. It looks good and there's lot of nice locations and sets. William Hurt plays Viktor's professor and William Hurt plays the ship captain that Viktor tells his story to and Luke Goss plays The Creature.

This is the place Viktor lives in. I liked the wedge coming out of the front of the building. It's a fairly long production, 204 minutes, in two parts. I was happy enough to see it but wouldn't rush to see it anytime soon.

Friday Night Movies 768

The 2011 horror film Creature is another DVD I picked up from Hamilton Book. Luckily it turned out better than the Bigfoot Wars movie I watched the other day. Not much better, it's still below average. It's written by Fred Andrews and Tracy Morse with Fred directing. The only person I knew in the cast was Sid Haig but Joe tells me that Mehcad Brooks is James Olsen in the Supergirl series. I don't watch that series, not because I wouldn't, I have no TV service and the only streaming I get is Amazon Prime. I might see it someday.

Creature has a group of young twenty somethings lured into the bayou's of Louisiana so they can be offered up to the alligator man-god by some inbred redneck scum. Sid's part of the redneck crowd and like usual he's fun to watch. Sad he died just recently.

There's nothing much new but it managed to keep my attention through the film. It won't be near the top of my pile of movies to re-watch sometime but I might get back to it someday.

I can't say the same for Silent Hill, I got hella bored in the middle and I wasn't too keen once I got to the end, it's not going on my DVD Wishlist. It's a 2006 horror movie based on the Silent Hill game. It's directed by Christophe Gans who directed the much more interesting Brotherhood Of The Wolf. Watch that movie instead. Be sure to get the director's cut. There's a nice Korean all region Blu-ray available with that version of the film. Looks nice.

Possessed By Evil 5 Movie Collection

Possessed By Evil is a 5 movie set from Mill Creek Entertainment. I got it from Hamilton Books for $3.95, it's a tenner on Amazon. The two disc set has the first three movies on one disc and the last two on the other. Two of the movies appear on another Mill Creek set that I had watched last year.

Devour 2005 This is about a dangerous magical video game that could kill everyone on the planet. A guy named Jack gets caught up in it. The game could be a way for the devil to torment people or it could all be in Jack's mind. They don't tell you. It could have been more interesting but it wasn't.

The Plague 2006 Children all over go into comas, they are even born in a coma. It's been ten years and the kids wake up wanting to kill the adults. James Van Der Beek is part of a group that needs to get out of town to a safe camp. Run, run, death. WTF ending. Below average.

Wind Chill 2007 Emily Blunt is a collage student returning to her home town, she gets a ride from a guy in one of her classes, he takes a short cut and they break down and meet some ghosts. Bad shit happened at their accident site in the 50s and it doesn't seem to want to leave. There's the most walking around in the woods I've seen in a while. Another candidate for the FF button.

Insanitarium 2008 A guy gets himself checked into a sanitarium so he can break out his sister. Peter Stormare is a mad doctor who has been experimenting on his patients. Armin Shimerman and Kevin Sussman are patients, Carla Gallo and Olivia Munn are staff.  There's a good bit of gore and slaughter but it's pretty much average.

Vinyan 2008 A couple lose their child in a tsunami. At a fund raiser for Thailand orphans they see a video with a child that might be theirs. The video was shot in a remote orphanage. They hire some guys to take them to the area and things go really bad for them. I didn't care for it at all. It's a psychological drama masquerading as horror. The real horror is the Thai jungle, not a place for me, that's for sure.

I'd be hard pressed to watch any of them over again but I'll keep the DVDs anyway. In a few years it might be worth selling or I can make coasters.

Leprechaun 1 - 7

I breezed through the first 7 Leprechaun films over the last two days. I have box set that I picked up a while back but hadn't gotten around to watching yet.The set I have is out of print now but there's a new 8 film set that will be coming out October 8 with a pre-order price on Amazon of only $13.99.

It's a fun series with Warwick Davis in the title role as the gold loving leprechaun. He's short, ugly and he turns into a murderous little prick when you come between him and his gold. He's got a rather dark sense of humor and loves murdering people.

Leprechaun 1993  Written and directed by Mark Jones. Mark started his career in 1977 with an episode of the kids show Ark II. I saw that series a couple of years ago and it wasn't very good. Mark stayed in kids TV for most of his career. It's mostly not stuff I would watch. He did do a few episodes of The A-Team, I have that set to watch someday. most of his other work I haven't seen. He didn't work on the Leprechaun series after the first movie.

A dad and daughter rent a farmhouse in a small North Dakota town. Shay Duffin plays the dad and Jennifer Aniston plays the daughter. The previous owner had stolen a leprechaun's gold while in Ireland. The leprechaun followed him to the farm and killed his wife. The owner had trapped the leprechaun in a box with a four leaf clover, but before he can kill it with fire he has a stroke and collapses.

That's Warwick as the Leprechaun, he's a nasty bit of work, and funny as hell. Mark Holten plays Ozzie, he's a bit on the dim side and he works for a young guy who paints houses. Mark plays Ozzie as a grown man in the recent reboot of the series. The guys get hired to paint the house. Ozzie accidentally unleashes the leprechaun when he knocks the four leaf clover off the crate that's still in the basement. Ozzie finds the leprechaun's gold and that starts the little bastard killing, first it's the pawn shop owner that wound up with a coin, then it's back to the farm for a spot of vengeance and shoe shining. The leprechaun had been a cobbler and he likes clean shoes.

The guys give back the pot of gold but Ozzie has inadvertently swallowed a gold coin. They figure out that the farmer who had trapped the leprechaun last time might be able to tell them how to kill it. He survived the stoke and lives in a nursing home. The leprechaun hears them and gets to the nursing home before they do. Yelling and screaming for a while. With his dying breath the farmer tells the kids how to kill the leprechaun. They find a four leaf clover and put a stop to the little beast.

Mostly an entertaining film, it's pretty average, story wise, but Warwick prancing about puts it up a notch for me. I'd seen it before and I'll probably get back to it again someday.

Leprechaun 2 1994  Written by Turi Meyer and Al Septien with Rodman Flender directing. I hadn't anything else by Rodman except for Idle Hands and I remember liking that when it was new. I hadn't seen it since. Turi had directed an episode of Buffy and 3 of Angel, that's about all of his other work I've seen. Al seems to be Turi's writing and producing partner, they share many of the same credits.

Warwick plays a different leprechaun in this film. The leprechaun celebrates his 1000th birthday about a thousand years ago. He can now pick a bride and he's chosen the daughter of his human slave. The father thwarts the leprechaun and saves his daughter at the cost of his own life. The leprechaun vows to marry the man's descendant when he's allowed to marry again in a thousand years.

The story jumps to modern day LA and we join a stupid boy named Cody who works for a scumbag who gives tours of the dark side of LA. The scumbag is Cody's uncle and his name is Max. Cody's girlfriend is the lucky bride for our leprechaun though she doesn't know what's ahead for her when we meet her. Why such a nice girl hangs out with Cody is beyond me.

There's plenty of the usual running about and screaming. There's some gore and plenty of violence. The leprechaun is as cruel as the other leprechaun, at one point he plucks a homeless guys gold tooth out his mouth and adds it to his pot o' gold. Like the first movie it's got a nice sense of humor. I got a few laughs and I'll watch it again sometime.

Leprechaun 3 1995  Written by David DuBos with Brian Trenchard-Smith directing. I can't find anything on either Brian or David's IMDb listing that I recognize. It's direct to video this time.

My favorite vicious leprechaun is in Las Vegas this time. Warwick is still at it as the leprechaun. A stupid college student, John Gatins, is travelling to college in California. He gambles away all his college money and falls foul of the leprechaun. I was disappointed he survived. He was a stupid ass.

I did enjoy our murderous demon eviscerating some of the locals. The Wikipedia says it was the highest selling direct to video film of 1995. I didn't see it back then. I gave it a 4 for hiring that Gatins guy. I thought he sucked.

Leprechaun 4: In Space 1997  Written by Dennis A Pratt and Scott Alkins with Brian Trenchard-Smith directing.

I saw this back in 2011 and gave it a three on the IMDb. It's not really any better a second time through. It's still fun to see Warwick Davis going at it as the murderous leprechaun but the space element is just stupid at times. I found myself speeding up the picture during some of the more dull bits. I'll be hard pressed to not do that if I get a chance to go through the series again.

Leprechaun 5: In The Hood 2000  Written by Doug Hall, John Huffman, Alan Reynolds, Rob Spera and William Wells with Rod Spera directing. I liked seeing Ice-T but the three guys who steel from him are just straight up stupid. There's plenty of running about and yelling. There's plenty of slaughtering. Just not really anyone on the human side to care about. Warwick as the leprechaun was fun enough. The leprechaun had a good time in the hood, getting high and killing people who steal his bling. I gave it a 4, the novelty of being in the hood wears off and it's less entertaining than some of the other films.

Leprechaun 6: Back 2 Tha Hood 2003  Written and directed by Steve Ayromlooi. The leprechaun is still killing people in the hood. He goes after some pals who shared out the pot o' gold. There's not much to like about the group and I didn't mind their getting slaughtered. I gave this on a 4, it has a slow start but Warwick is totally wicked.

Leprechaun: Origins 2014  Written by Harris Wilkinson and directed by Zach Lipovski. It's a poorly received reboot of the series. There's no Warwick and it's all pretty standard stuff. There's no real humor or any reason to watch it again. I did like the poster, it's one of the best of the Leprechaun posters. It was nice that they returned to the right leprechaun in the 2018 film.

Half-Caste 2004

Half-Caste is a 2004 South African horror picture that's part of a 2 disc 3 film DVD set. It's well below average. I was fast forwarding pretty much after it started. Sebastian Apodaca, wrote, directed and stars. It's about half human half leopard people, they kill to survive, chomping up the locals. Something like a werewolf. Sebastian plays a documentary maker who goes looking for the legend of the Half-caste and finds out, yadda, yadda, yadda. Sadly the movie didn't pull me into the story and I can't think of anything good to say about it. Someone on the IMDb said "Avoid at all costs." Good advice.