PRIMITIVE SCREWHEADS

Friday Night Movies 1042

Trapped Ashes 2006 Written by Dennis Bartok, directed by Sean S Cunningham, Joe Dante, Ken Russell, Monte Hellman and John Gaeta.

Several people are taking the studio tour with driver and host Henry Gibson. He lets them into the haunted mansion where they get trapped in a big room. Henry tells them they might get out if they tell their most terrifying stories. Joe Dante directs this bit of the film.

Ken Russell directs The Girl With Golden Breasts, a story about a woman gets a breast augmentation to further her acting career and winds up with with blood sucking breast implants.

Sean S Cunningham directs Jibaku, a story about a couple that find a man who's hung himself in a wood, the wife gets seduced by a demon. The husband has to go to Hell to rescue here.

Monte Hellman directs Stanley's Girlfriend, a story about a blood sucking witch.

John Gaeta directs My Twin, The Worm, a story about a parasite that affects a woman's pregnancy.

Once the stories are told Henry drops a bit of bad news on the group. No one's going home. Sad, huh. Henry was the best character in the movie. He plays a delightfully demonic guy.

I wasn't sure if I had seen this, the opening tour ride seemed familiar. Turns out I had back in September of 2011. My comment on My Watched Movie List was "trapped people/tits". That's mostly what the stories were about: sex and breasts. It was OK but I'm not tempted to buy a copy now I've seen it again. I'd prefer watching Dr Terror's House of Horrors, The Vault Of Horror or Tales From The Crypt, a few of Amicus Productions anthology films.

The Boy And The Heron 2023 Written and directed by Hayao Miyazaki.

Mihito is ten during WW2, his mother dies when the hospital is bombed. His father builds parts for planes, they move the factory into the countryside to escape the fire bombings. The father has married his dead wife's sister Natsuko and they have moved into her family estate. Mohito is rather cold to his step mother. He discovers the tower building designed by Natsuko's grand uncle who disappeared 30 years ago. Mohito has encounters with a grey heron who talks and has another being living inside of his body. The heron claims he could find Mohito's mother.

Natsuko wonders off into the forest and everyone searches for her. Mihito and Kiriko, one of the granny maids living in the house, enter the collapsing tower which turns out to be the gateway to the oceanic world. They have some adventures, meet Mohito's mother, rescue Natsuko and return home. Mohito has gotten to like his step mother better.

I enjoyed some of the movie but it felt it was less entertaining than some of my favorites, I've seen My Neighbor Totoro at least a couple of dozen times over the years and still enjoy it. Same with The Castle Of Cagliostro. I liked most of the other films he did through Howl's Moving Castle but haven't watched them anywhere near as often. Laputa and Kiki's Delivery Service are the most watched of that lot. I bought a DVD of Ponyo in 2010 but still haven't watched it. I don't have a copy of The Wind Rises. I just put one in my cart on Amazon.

Despite having a copy of TBATH I don't know that I'll return to it anytime soon. It seemed like a greatest hits of Miyazaki scenes.  Some of the later movies are in the 2 hour range but they move the story along quicker and seem less draggy. No matter, there's still the earlier lot of films to watch again. I've also got Miyazaki's Sherlock Hound to watch. He directed the first 6 episodes before trouble with the Doyle estate put a hold on production. Miyazaki moved on and someone else finished the series of 26 episodes. 

Friday Night Movies 1032

Because I'm home alone with a cold or flu I'm taking the opportunity to watch a four pack DVD of crap you'd have found airing on the Sci-Fi Channel back in the day. My Watched Movie List says I watched the first two but I didn't bother posting about them. I kind of speed though them and nothing was familiar. Not surprising, they're massively forgettable. I bought the two DVD set at Hamilton Book for 4 bucks and I sure didn't get my money out of it. Imagine how someone who paid 16 or 17 bucks on Amazon must feel. You've been warned, don't waste your money.

Flu Birds 2008 Written by Tony Daniel and Brian D Smith, directed by Leigh Scott. It's also known as Flu Bird Horror. Filmed in Germany, Romania and the USA.

Some annoying juvenile delinquents are forced to go on a camping trip as punishment for their petty misdemeanors. In the forest they find themselves attacked by some huge mutated birds that hunt and munch. The birds are infected by some sort of virus that really does a number on humans. In a nearby town an infected man is taken into the hospital.

The military moves in and sends soldiers to the forest. They are killed by the vicious birds who then go back to hunting the teens. A local park ranger tries to save the kids but most of them get slaughtered by the end of the movie.

It's usual stew of cliches, dumb dialog, poor acting, sad CGI, etc. I don't like stew. I wouldn't watch it again. Twice is more than enough.

Monsterwolf 2010 Written by Charles Bolon and directed by Todor Chapkanov.

Robert Picardo is the tough CEO of an oil company. He wants to drill and he'll kill to get what he wants. The local Choctaw tribal chief is holding Robert up so he gets his men to test drill at night, behind the chief's back. They find an ancient native shrine and blow it up. When the dynamite goes off it unleashes a deadly spirit wolf that starts killing anyone that has anything to do with the oil company.

Robert has the tribal chief killed and that just makes things worse. Not surprisingly Robert doesn't make it to the end of the movie. That's one of the problems with the movie, there's nothing surprising. Same old, same old. There's a subplot about the daughter of the sheriff coming back to the town, she left town three years ago, she's working for Robert now. Jason London plays her ex. There's some good amount of time wasted on that sub plot.

It's got the same problem as the first movie but it's not quite as much of a stinker. I gave Flu Birds a cruel 1 today, several years ago I gave Monsterwolf a way generous 4 but I'm tempted to change it to a 3. It might be the cold talking. I shouldn't watch it again.

Wolvesbayne 2009 Written by Leigh Scott and directed by Griff Furst. Griff had a part in Monsterwolf, he's the son of Stephen Furst. Jason London's brother Jeremy plays the baddie in this and Mark Dacascos and Yancy Butler co-star.

Jeremy winds up in the middle of a feud between vampires and werewolves. He gets turned into a werewolf. Mark plays the main vampire baddie. He's reviving vampire queen Lilith, played by Yancy, but he's not too happy with her talking over his tribe of neck biters.

There's plenty of fights and gun battles but most of the movie is pretty below average. I wouldn't need to see this one again.

The Headless Horseman 2007 Story by Ken Badish and Zachary Weintraub, screenplay by Zachary Weintraub and Anthony C Ferrante, directed by Anthony C Ferrante. Anthony is the director of the Sharknado series from The Asylum. This film was filmed in Romania.

Some teens are traveling, they take a side road and blow a tire on a bear trap left in the road. A young woman called Candy tows them to a town where her father runs the auto repair. They find themselves in the middle of the Headless Horseman Celebration. Sadly they're the town's sacrifice to the Horseman, something they loose their heads over . One by one they get picked off, the last pair of teens survive with a bit of help from Candy.

Another below average movie that I don't need to watch again. Some of the CGI was fairly good.

Science Fiction Sunday 814

Beacon77 2009 Written by Debbie Moon and Brad Watson, directed by Brad Watson. A British film that's part SF and part horror. It's been released under the titles Code77, Decoder and The 7th Dimension. I can only assume that's to trick people into watching their movie again.

A college student takes her friend along to visit the professor with whom she'd had a one night stand. They find the professor lives with a couple and masses of computers. The professor and pals are hacking into the Vatican library to download a copy of the Torah. They believe that it contains all the info to predict future events. Endless chatter and biblical references leads to murder in the dullest way. It's barely SF and barely watchable. I watched it on YouTube, I wouldn't need to see it again.

Gods Of The Deep 2023 Written by Jerome Reygner-Kalfon, Sebastien Semon  and Charlie Steeds, directed by Charlie Steeds. A British movie that is heavily influenced by Lovecraft. Steeds had directed 13 previous movies, all but 2 are rated between a 3 and a 4. This movie scores a 3.2 and I gave it a 3.

A team of scientists in a submersible visit an undersea location that appears man made. They find a giant tentacled man like creature alive despite the enormous pressure. The creature seems to effect the crew and people die. Not much else going on. I watched this on Amazon Prime, free with membership, I wouldn't need to see it again.

 

Friday Night Movies 1005

Roadkill 1989 Story by Bruce McDonald, screenplay by Don McKellar, directed by Bruce McDonald. It's the first film for both guys, they'd both go onto make a lot of films and TV episodes. We watch the movie before, it was at FNM 626 back in 2017.

Valerie Buhagiar plays Ramona, she works for a rude and greasy band promoter in Toronto, she gets sent to Sudbury to collect a band and their rental truck. The band had missed their last four dates and they can't contact them. Ramona can't drive a car so she is going to take the train. On the way to the station the stoned cabby insists he take her to Sudbury, it's only 250 miles. On the road Valerie gets separated from the cabbie leaving behind her suitcase and her money. She does find the band and learns that the singer decided to go find himself. She heads off after the singer.

Ramona has a series of adventures along the way, she meets some people, including a serial killer (Don McKellar), a hot dog vendor (he turns out to be the missing singer), and a film maker (Bruce McDonald). She even learns to drive. Ramona finds the band in Thunder Bay, she gets the singer to agree to sing and makes a deal with the manager of a pub. The band has a pretty bad show, they don't kill, in fact, just the opposite.

I thought it was pretty entertaining for the second time. I've got the Blu-ray on my Wish List. Last time we watched it the other film was a Canadian effort, the second film tonight is also a Canadian effort.

End Of The Line 2007 Written and directed by Maurice Devereaux. Shot in the subway of Montreal.

One evening religious zealots go crazy and start killing everyone. The zealots mission is to send the sinners to heaven with knives. The main characters are trapped in a subway in Montreal and they have to fight off the zealots. There's a lot of running and whimpering. A lot of people get killed on both sides.

I wasn't that impressed with the film and wouldn't need to watch it again.

Friday Night Movies 990

Charlie's Angels 2019 Story by Evan Spiliotopoulos and David Auburn, screenplay and direction by Elizabeth Banks.

A new re-imagining of the old TV series. The Townsend agency is in Europe and Patrick Stewart is the head of the branch. He's got a whole gang of Angels with Kristen Stewart and Ella Balinska as a couple of his top agents. At the end of the mission that opens the movie Patrick retires from the company. He's not happy about it but he takes the watch and leaves.

Naomi Scott is a whistle blower who wants some help from the Angels. She's invented a magical power device that can be set to kill people. She wants time to fix it but the head of her department at Brok says it's got to launch on schedule.She wimps out by not going over his head to Mr Brok.

An assassin tries to kill Naomi at her meeting with the Angels in Hamburg, the Angels fight back but he manages to force the Angels into the river. The assassin leaves them to drown and runs away.  Elizabeth Banks takes over the team after Djimon Hounsou is killed in the fire fight.

There's a whole bunch of sneaking about as the team breaks into Brok's HQ. The action scenes are fairly good, there's plenty of shooting and running about. There's a lot of double dealing and traitorous behavior. Eventually things get worked out.

I enjoyed the movie but didn't think it was quite as good as the Drew Barrymore films from the early 2000's. I don't seen anyone making any sequels so far. I ordered the Blu-ray and hope to watch it again someday.

Scream Queen 2002 Written and directed by Brad Sykes. The film was partially shot in 1998 but not finished until 2002. We watched the 2023 Blu-ray from Video Vengeance.

Linnea Quigley plays a scream queen, her car blows up while she's working on her latest movie. The director and the crew try to figure out what to do about finishing the film. Someone starts killing the crew.

It's a pretty predictable slasher film with super low production values, a poor script and a gang of actors that can't act, or, in some cases, barely even speak. It's shot on video and looks pretty terrible. It's such a poor movie I wouldn't bother picking up a copy. It's really something for the Linnea fans out there.

Wicked Lake 2008

Wicked Lake 2008 Screenplay by Adam Rockoff and Chris Sivertson, directed by Zach Passero.

Four murdering witches vacation in the woods, two gangs of messed up men attack them at their peril.

The story is weak, the acting barely average, nothing else much to offer. I gave it a 3 and that's it's current average on the IMDb. I wouldn't watch it again.

Friday Night Movies 956

A Haunted Turkish Bathhouse 1975 Written by Masahiro Kakefuda and Nobuaki Nakajima, directed by Kazuhiko Yamaguchi. A Japanese film of the pink sort.

A Japanese erotic horror film set in a house of prostitution. The movie opens on the eve of the end of legal prostitution. In order to stay in business the owner of the house converts it to a bath house. The girls will rent the rooms from him. They can give their customers soapy baths and for an additional under the counter charge, a happy ending. Yukino doesn't want to work that way and decides to quit. Her husband Toriyama is a piece of human garbage, he tricks her into going to work at the bathhouse by making her think he's deep in debt with gangsters. In reality he's getting paid by the bathhouse owner's wife. Toriyama starts an affair with the owner's wife behind Yukino's back.

Yukino's sister, Mayumi, comes to live with them. Toriyama immediately rapes her. The life is hard for Yukino, she wants to leave the business, Toriyama and the owners wife beat her to death. They scum brick Yukino up in the basement wall, under the watchful eye of her black cat. Soon after Mayumi goes to work at the bathhouse. Things get worse for the baddies when Yukino's ghost and her black cat get their revenge on.

It's partially entertaining but I was hoping for more supernatural stuff and less beatings and torture. It's a mean place work and the people there are pretty horrible, most everyone comes to a bad end. I don't feel the need to pick up a copy now that I've seen it. Glad I got to see it.

Brutal Massacre A Comedy 2007 Written and directed by Stevan Mena.

David Naughton plays a horror director who's had three flops in a row. He's hoping to get out of his slump with his new picture Brutal Massacre. A documentary film maker is following David around with a cameraman. The documentary guy reveals all many of the bad things that have happened on David's past shoots, he has a lot of problems making his films and a person died during the making of a few of them. Despite that, a handful of his old crew are back to work with him. Naughton plays the director as a rather clueless guy, it's a wonder anyone would want to work with him. Certainly his three recent failures are keeping the money men at bay. He manages to get a budget together, then screws the picture by putting his crew up in a nice motel. Things get worse and worse as the shoot goes on. It's piled on high and deep. Much of the trouble is caused by everyone's lack of focus, David hires people without checking on their past work.

It's sort of funny, I did laugh occasionally but not always at the jokes. I did tire of the stupid characters, especially when there are so many of them. Ellen Sandweiss, some might remember her from The Evil Dead, is the most competent of the lot but even she has her mental and physical limits. She should never have gotten mixed up with that poo. The film has a bit of a happy ending, except for Carl. He didn't fair too well. Oh, well. It's another film I doubt I would buy now that I've seen it but I was happy to have a gander.

Lesbian Vampire KIllers 2009

Lesbian Vampire Killers 2009 Written by Stewart Williams and Paul Hupfield, directed by Phil Claydon.

James Corden and Matthew Horne are pals. James got fired from his clown job for punching a child and Matthew just got dumped by his girlfriend. They decide to get away from their lives by hiking through a forest in Norfolk. They meet some young ladies who are heading for a cottage in the area, they go off to party with them. They soon learn of the local village's curse. On their 18th birthday all the young women of the village turn into lesbian vampires. Now our two dopes have to try to stay alive until the end of the movie. They do get some help from a crazy vicar and a lady called Lotte.

It was fairly good fun and there were enough good jokes to give me a laugh or two. I picked up a DVD somewhere cheap so I can rewatch it when I want.

Friday Night Movies 954

Gore From Outer Space 2001 Directed by Hirohisa Sasaki.

I though I hadn't see the movie before but when I looked it up on the IMDb I had voted for it on 6-17-14. I looked it up on my watched movie list and sure enough it's listed as being seen on 6/6/14. It was an earlier FNM night. I gave the movie a score of 7 on the IMDb which means I liked it more that time than this time. I'll try not to watch it again.

The Return Of Captain Invincible 1983 Written by Steven E de Souza and Andrew Gaty, directed by Philippe Mora. I don't recall seeing this but it was out at a time I used to go to the theater more often.

It's an Australian superhero musical comedy with Alan Arkin and Christopher Lee. There's a new Blu-ray out from Severin, that's what we watched.  The original poster is on top and the cover to the Severin release is below, conveniently labeled. I don't care for the Severin cover much at all. The movie I have mixed feelings about, I enjoyed the parts with Christopher Lee as the villain but many of the scenes with Captain Invincible weren't as entertaining. I'm not that happy with the songs for the most part and many of the jokes fall flat. It did poorly at the Australian box office, grossing $55K on a $7mil cost. Another one that I was happy to see but I doubt I'd watch it again.

Friday Night Movies 939

Left For Dead 2007 Written by Chad Leslie and directed by Albert Pyun. Am American Argentine production that was filmed in Argentina in 12 days. Albert won the Best Director award at the 2007 Costa del Sol Fantasy Film Festival.

A horror western with a demon gunfighter. Victoria Maurette plays Clementine, she's looking for a man called Sentenza, he deserted her and their baby. She meets a gang of whores who murdered all the people in a town. The head of the whores is looking for Sentenza also, he left her daughter pregnant and ran off.

They find Sentenza in the ghost town of Amnesty which is home to the dead soul of slain preacher Mobius Lockhardt. He made a pack with the devil to remain among the living. He can't leave the town and he can't die.

The whores get picked off one by one. There's a fair bit of action but the jittercam, jump cuts and freeze frames became annoying right quick. The characters were mostly entertaining, the lesser characters disappeared quickly, it's only an 84 min movie, no time to waste.

It's got a low score, a 3.2, on the IMDb but I thought it was more like a 5. That score would improve if there wasn't all the camera and editing trickery. That IMDb score is buoyed up by 54.5% of the votes being a 9 or a 10. I'm not sure who's voting, don't care. Don't think I'll bother with the DVD, maybe if I find it on clearance sometime.

Accion Mutante 1992 Written by Jorge Guerricaechevarría and Álex de la Iglesia, directed by Álex de la Iglesia. It's Álex's first film. A Spanish French production.

In a post-apocalyptic future the world is ruled by the rich and beautiful. A group of disable people, calling themselves mutants, plan to take down the rulers. Sadly, the mutants are mentally disabled and cannot formulate a plan that they can follow through. The kidnapping the movie opens with fails because they suffocate the victim.

The next kidnapping victim manages to survive in a complicated plot that I wouldn't even attempt to cover. It's a chaotic film with weird stuff going on all the time. The mutant group falls apart from the inside and nearly everyone dies.

I'd seen this 22 years ago but couldn't remember a thing about it. It's noisy, colorful, violent, funny and worth a look for some. Not everyone is going to like this one. We watched the new Severin Blu-ray release and it looks nice enough. The movie was pretty low budget, nice that the film elements survived. Doubt I'm going to add this to my collection.