PRIMITIVE SCREWHEADS

Friday Night Movies 944

A Boy And His Samurai 2010 Based on Fushigi no Kuni no Yasubei by Gen Araki, screenplay and direction by Yoshihiro Nakamura. Yoshihiro is the director of Fish Story. That's the only other movie of his I've seen.

This movie is a fish out of water comedy, a samurai from late 1800s Edo is transported to modern day Toyko. Kijima's there for a few months and he learns a different life style. A lady named Yusa takes Kijima in and her son Tomoya bonds with him.

Kijima learns to bake delicious desserts and he gets a job after winning a contest. He becomes too attentive to his job and neglects the family. Things go bad before they get better.

It's a charming movie. It's a bit slow going but I was entertained. It's got a few laughs and some jeopardy. Things end on a good note. You can see a nice copy over on Dailymotion.

The Hyperions 2020 Story, screenplay (with additional material by Mike Timm) and direction by Jon McDonald.

There's way too much dysfunctional family in the story. In 1960 Professor Ruckus Mandulbaum invented a badge that gives the wearer a superpower. He chose two orphan children and a slightly older woman to be his super hero team. Vista didn't adjust well and she ran off after using her power to control people's minds to force the Professor to give up a pile of cash and a special device. She left the Professor her badge.

The Professor got rid of Ansel, taking his badge away, and found more youngsters to replace them. That was in 1965, fourteen years later Vista and Ansel are trying to steal the badges from the Hyperion museum. Vista needs them to recover her daughter from another ex-Hyperion who wants his badge back. The baddie was on the second team, they got tossed aside after a few years and the Professor is hunting for a new team.

Everybody's got daddy issues and they are all in a bit of a mess. The movie is a bit of a mess. There's some jokes but they are a bit few and far between. It's rather slow and the characters are annoying at times. It reminds me how good The Specials is and I should watch it again sometime soon. I'd watch that before I'd get around to The Hyperions again.

Friday Night Movies 941

Slaughterhouse Rules 2018 Screenplay by Henry Fitzherbert and Crispian Mills, directed by Crispian Mills. First production from Stolen Picture, a company formed by Simon Pegg and Nick Frost.

Simon Pegg is is Mr Houseman, a teacher at a fancy upscale private school. Michael Sheen is the greedy head of school. He's made a deal with frackers to drill for oil shale out in the woods. He bans the students from the woods.

Finn Cole plays a Northern working class student called Donald. His mother signs him up for the school without his knowing about it. Donald's not happy going there, it's a stereotypical English boarding school with secrets, class and bullying.

A giant sinkhole opens in the woods. The fracking also releases methane gas. It makes a nice green flame when lit. It turns out there's something down there and it's come up for a look. Most of the students are lucky, they've gone home for the weekend. Poor Donald has to stay and be bullied by his house Prefect.

I enjoyed the heck out of it. I enjoyed the in-jokes referring to other famous school films. There's plenty of comedy and some gory bits. It gets a 5.3 on the IMDb, I gave it a 6 because it's better than a 5. I bought the DVD from Hamilton Books sight unseen, glad I did, I'd watch it again sometime.

Polterheist 2018 Written by David Gilbank, Gemma Head and Paul Renhard, directed by David Gilbank.

Boxy and Tariq are a couple of lowlifes that work for Frank. They collect money from the gang's drug dealers, money Frank has been stealing. Frank's boss Uday wants that money, he's going to kill Boxy and Tariq if they don't show up with the cash in four days. The problem is Boxy just killed Frank, he was holding Frank's head underwater to make him spill where the money is and things got out of hand.

The pair get the idea to kidnap a medium who can supposedly talk to the dead. She can find out from Frank where the money is. Frank takes over the woman's body and leads the pair on a chase for the cash. It doesn't go so well for Boxy and Tariq but the medium gets away with a nice payout.

It's violent and humorous. I thought it was better than the 4.2 it gets on the IMDb. That's been screwed with by the voters, 16% voted it a 10 and 18% voted it a 1. There's complaints in the comments about the reviews. I'd watch it again.

Pastor Shepherd 2010

Pastor Shepherd 2010 Written by Ben Going and Matthew F Perry, directed by Edwin L Marshall.

It's a low budget silly comedy that is pretty entertaining in a low key way. It's part road trip with the main character taking his nearly catatonic mother out for  some excitement. Joining them are his neighbor and his attractive daughter. Danny Trejo plays the neighbor.

 

The only person in the cast that has some audience draw is Danny. Not surprising that they put him on the poster, his wielding a bat is pretty misleading, people are going to expect some sort of action film. It's mostly chatter and character development. I enjoyed it and would watch it again sometime but who knows when. You can check it out on YouTube, link above.

The House With The Clock In Its Walls 2018

The House With The Clock In Its Walls 2018 Based on the John Bellairs novel of the same name, screenplay by Eric Kripke, directed by Eli Roth.

Ten year old Lewis goes to live with his Uncle Jonathan in New Zebedee Michigan. Uncle Jonathan lives in a big old mansion that could easily be mistaken for a haunted house. The man who lived there previously was a warlock and Uncle J is one too. UJ's best friend Florence Zimmerman is a witch and she lives next door.

Lewis breaks the big rule in the house and open the locked vault and steals the magical book he finds. He uses a spell in the graveyard to impress a friend but it only revives the dead warlock Isaac who used to live in the house. Isaac returns home to unleash the deadly clock he'd hidden in the walls of the house. It will turn back time so he can live without the annoying humans he's come to dislike so.

It was fun and there was usually something going on most of the time. I was happy to have seen it and I'll want to watch it again someday.

Early Man 2018

Early Man 2018 Story by Mark Burton and Nick Park, screenplay by Mark Burton and James Higginson, directed by Nick Park.

An Aardman Animation project about cavemen and soccer. I got the Blu-ray cheap somewhere, that was a couple of years or so ago. Today I picked it out of the pile of unwatched discs and took a look. There were some jokes and plenty of physical action but the story was way uninteresting. I kind of liked the cavemen but didn't much care for the soccer. Pretty standard underdog sports team stuff. Not my cup of tea but I still gave it a 6, it does look nice, it has a decent message. Sadly for Aardman the film didn't do very good at the box office, barely making $54 mil on a $50 mil budget.

Friday Night Movies 886

The Knight Of Shadows: Between Yin And Yang 2019 Written by Liu Bohan and Jian Wen, directed by Vash.

Every couple of years I go out and look for Jackie Chan DVDs, there's usually something I haven't seen yet. In this action fantasy movie Jackie is a demon hunter who lives in a house on a pinnacle of rock. He shares the place with some fairly friendly demons. Jackie hunts bad demons and that's a good thing, the nearby town has a nasty but beautiful lady demon who's collecting 16 year old girls. They've been imprisoned in a tapestry until lady demon is ready to suck out their souls to prolong her life. The town's magistrate is upset because his daughter is the latest girl to disappear. Jackie soon figures out what's up but he's got a fight on his hands, that lady demon is a nasty piece of work.

There's plenty of action and running about during the movie, much of it augmented by CGI sets and characters. There's plenty of flying through the air, one of Jackie's demon pals can turn into a flying boat with Reed Richard arms. Good thing, what with living on the top of a pinnacle of rock and someone falling off the boat all the time.

I enjoyed the movie, especially the first half, the last half bogs down here and there with all the melodrama concerning the romance of two characters. It's colorful film with beautiful and stunning scenery. I liked the film's sense of humor. Glad to have picked up a copy, I'll want to watch it again sometime.

Beyond The Infinite Two Minutes 2020 Written by Makoto Ueda and directed by Junta Yamaguchi.

A guy discovers his TV is a portal to the future. Trouble is, it's only two minutes ahead. All the action takes place in a small apartment block. The man lives in an apartment above a restaurant, his TV is broadcasting an image from the restaurant below that two minutes in the future. Several people interact with themselves from two mins into the future. Odd complications start happening when they try to extend the time from 2 mins to 4 mins etc. It looks bad when some criminals come by but the time police will help sort that out.

It's all filmed in one long take with everyone moving about from place to place in the building. They do quite well on that. Not that I was trying to catch them out on the action, I was having enough to do to keep up with the story. I enjoyed it, it's more entertaining and clever than many of the recent Indy time travel films that I've seen. Many of those were tragically dull with story's that end tragically because the scientists were stupid. This film has a fun premise and a good sense of humor. The acting was alright and the characters believable. I doubt I'll get the DVD, I might never get around to it again.

Friday Night Movies 882

Benny Loves You 2019 Written, produced and directed by Karl Holt. It's a British horror comedy about a murderous puppet with Karl playing the main character.

Karl still lives with his parents, he's a toy designer who's having a poor time at work where he's not coming up with interesting toys. On his 35th birthday his parents are killed in a freak accident, nearly a year later he's about to lose the family home because he's crap at his finances. He's never had to survive on his own because he stayed at home with mom and dad. Karl is a big loser at work too, he's fallen so far in the company the owner fires him. He then hires him back for a low level job with a big pay cut. Loser that Karl is he stays on.

While packing up he's convinced himself he needs to adult up and he decides to throw Benny, his favorite toy as a child, into the bin. Benny becomes a homicidal murder machine, starting with all of Karl's stuffed toys and then grinding up the neighbor's cat with a lawnmower. Karl calls the police and they come by, they think he's been stalked by someone but they can't find any evidence of a break in.

Benny kills the estate agent and Karl has to clean up and hide the body. The police turn up to pick up a camera they left there. More and more people are killed and everywhere Benny goes turns into an abattoir. For no reason that any of us could understand Karl hooks up with his co-worker. Most of the other co-workers are killed when Benny is taken to the office by that co-worker. Benny can't stand anyone but him getting any of Karl's love so he tries to kill her. Lucky for them the local coppers save their lives and help cover up Benny's murder spree by blaming it on one of Karl's co-workers. It's OK he was a pretentious twat and no body liked him. Besides, who would believe it was a puppet anyway.

The movie struggles to be funny, many of the jokes fall flat. I found it predictable and I'm usually pretty blase about that sort of thing. It could really have used a punch up in the script department. I think Karl is a better director than he is a writer. He made a decent looking film that cut together pretty well. I did get a few laughs out of it, Benny was usually entertaining. I don't feel I need to see it again but I was glad to have seen it. That Benny doll above is about $35 on Amazon. A little too much for me but I like it.

Bleeding Steel 2017 Written and directed by Leo Zhang. I bought a copy of the Blu-ray because I like to have Jackie Chan movies. I don't keep up with him though, I'm usually playing catch up. I see from a quick scan on Amazon I need to order a few more Jackie films. I'll have to go check the IMDb and make a list so I don't miss any. I'm not sure I'm that interested in the mountain climbing movie.

Jackie is a cop with a dying daughter, he's on his way to the hospital to be with her but police work interferes. He gets involved with a massive fight with a grotesque costumed villain called Andre and his black leather clad henchmen. They're after Doctor James and his metal heart. There's a big battle and Jackie blows up the villain. Jackie is lucky to be alive but he finds his daughter has died.

Thirteen years later we meet some other characters in Sydney Australia. Turns out that Jackie's daughter didn't die, she received the Doctor James metal heart and magical cell rejuvenation serum. She's grown up in an orphanage and doesn't know that Jackie is her dad. More costumed villains show up, the baddie from the big explosion among them. There's plenty of action as Andre tries to kidnap Jackie's daughter. He wants her blood for a transfusion.

The action scenes are big and noisy, there's plenty of bullets flying, high tech pistols blasting, explosions and people jumping around and punching each other. There's a big fight on the roof of the Sydney Opera House and you really get a good view of the roof tiles. Sadly the script is so poor that it lets the movie down. It's filled with nonsense and cliches, it lacks any good humor. The dubbing isn't very good either. I bought my copy from Hamilton Books and it's the Canadian edition. It only has English or French audio, the US has a Mandarin track. I put that on my Amazon Wishlist. It might be worth the tenner.

Kung Fury 2015

Kung Fury 2015 Written and directed by David Sandberg. A Swedish Kickstarter funded film that pokes fun at the 80s martial arts cop movies. They raised $630K and produced a half hour long short.The IMDb says there is a Kung Fury 2 in post production.

As the movie opens Miami-Dade policemen Kung Fury, played by David Sandberg, and his partner Dragon are in an alley fighting a red ninja. The red ninja gets the drop on them and slices Dragon nearly in half. Kung Fury is then simultaneously struck by lightning and bitten by a cobra, he gains super kung fu powers.

The movie jumps ahead to 1985, Kung Fury's boss tries to hook him up with a partner. KF's not going to lose another partner, so he quits. Shortly after Hitler arrives in 1985 and slaughters many in the police station. KF goes after Hitler by going back in time. He winds up in the wrong time but manages to get some help from some Viking ladies and Thor. It's all out cray cray after that.

I laughed fairly often, they pack a lot of gags into a short time. There's a nice HD copy to watch on YouTube, see the link above. Probably not for everyone.

Friday Night Movies 865

Fish Story 2009 Based on the novel by Kotaro Isaka, screenplay by Tamio Hayashi, directed by Yoshihiro Nakamura.

As the movie opens a giant comet is due to crash into the Earth. A guy in a record store tells a couple of other men that a song on an obscure record is going to save the world. The rest of the movie is about that band and the song. It's a long dense story told in a non-linear way. I enjoyed it but haven't decided if I want to buy the movie or not. I'm not sure if I want to watch it again.

Commando Ninja 2018 Written and directed by Benjamin Combes. He's a pretty talented Frenchman, besides the writing and directing he did the cinematography, editing and art direction. He produced a fine looking film on a budget of €31,953 and that includes a lot of nice CGI and practical sets and props. The film was fan funded using Kickstarter and filmed over a couple of years.

It's an amazing flight of fantasy that parodies action films of the 80s. It delivers plenty of action, gore and gags. There's one surprise after another. I had a blast and think it's just the sort of thing the right person would like. You can see it for free on YouTube. There's a Blu-ray and I'm putting it on my Wishlist. I'll want to watch this again.

Friday Night Movies 864

Satanic Panic 2019 Screenplay by Grady Hendrix, direction by Chelsea Stardust.

On her first day as a pizza delivery girl Samantha runs afoul of Rebecca Romijn and her nest of Satan worshipers. The coven needs a virgin to bring forth Baphomet and their first choice, Rebecca's daughter, gave her virginity up when she found out she's going to die during the process. Since Samantha is a virgin and right there, Rebecca attempts to use Samantha for her new sacrifice but the general incompetency of the coven, and the help Rebecca's daughter, give Samantha a fighting chance.

There's a fair bit of humor and gore with plenty of dumb characters providing some slapstick action. It looks good, it moves along quickly, and it's got a fairly solid story. I thought it was better than average, say a 6 on the IMDb. You can check it out for yourself on YouTube while it's up there. See link above.

Legion Of The Dead 2005 Written and directed by Paul Bales. Paul became the Chief Operating Officer at the films production company The Asylum the year after this film came out. It's the only film he's directed, though he has written 9 others.

The story is about accidentally finding a secret Egyptian tomb in the California desert. The hieroglyphs say that an ancient princess was so evil they sent her body over the sea to be buried. A lightening storm lights up the old gal and she awakens as a beautiful young woman. Her lust for power brings death to the dig and the students get slaughtered one or two at a time.

There's too much melodrama in the mix, the main character, played by Courtney Clonch, was involved with the doctor who heads the dig, a guy on a previous dig had something for Courtney but she choose the doctor and he's all pouty she's at this dig. Courtney's sister shows up on the site just as the princess needs a virgin for a sacrifice.

Bruce Boxleitner plays the local sheriff, he doesn't appear that often, hired for a day or two to add a name to the credits that someone might have heard of before. The Wikipedia says that Bruce and co-star Zack Galligan are on screen for a total of ten mins running time. They also say that their scenes don't really add anything to the story. That's for sure, in fact, there are other scenes in the film that are filler. Sad, it's only an 82 min movie.

There's a fair bit of action and noise, plenty of slaughter and a couple of jokes. Sadly, it's not all that good. Despite the poorly lit scenes, poor acting, and mediocre dialog, it's more watchable than much of the product from The Asylum. The worst thing about it was the absolutely abysmal soundtrack, the voices were too quiet, music and effects too loud. That sound guy needs to get some training or a whack in the pee-pee from the flaming skull of Paul Naschy. You can test drive in on YouTube, see link above.