Friday Night Movies 373

Greg returned from attending various cons with a stack of obsure movies. He'd picked up Crustacean because of his interest in Circus Sideshow Freaks. I was interested in a guy with lobster claws for hands so we took a chance with this 2009 horror comedy set in the world of sideshow freaks. It's written and directed by L J Dopp who's an award winning director of commercials. Crustacean is his only feature film and he did an ok job for little or no money. He also wrote the music, which I enjoyed, and he's the production designer. Professor Nightwind has a fake mustasche and a freak show that travels around the country. Neither is anythng to write home about. The sideshow's main exhibit is Lobster Baby, now a grown man, who's got lobster hands and antennae growing out of his forehead. The lobster guy is real unlike most of the freaks. He doesn't talk so they don't know his story. The show's wandering takes them to Lemur's Holler where doom awaits. You hear the lemurs off screen but you never see them. Their cries are explained this way; before the civil war some lemur's got out of their cages and ran off into the woods where they've thrived. One of the local gals falls for Lobster Baby and the feeling is mutual. When some hillbillies let Lobster Baby out of his cage later things don't go well. The only two families in Lemur's Holler don't get along. Turns out there's been lots of inbreeding and they are related. Some of them aren't too bright neither. There's plenty of inbreeding jokes, along with other staples of redneck humor, and while not all the jokes are funny but there's a good number of them. The movie is made by fans of the genre and that they lack in talent and cash they make up other ways. Joe Bob Briggs says there are 35 breasts in the movie but all but one come from two woman. Hanna Harper and Marie McCray are both pornstars so you know they aren't shy about doffing their tops. They handle all the nudity but for one brief shot with one of the other women. Watch the 7 minute trailer below.

   

It certainly gives you a nice look at the film and some of the goofy things in it. It might be all of the movie you need to see. I enjoyed it for the most part even though I know it's not a great movie but it's got a good sense of humor and I usually like that.

Our second feature was the 2011 Tsui Hark film Flying Swords Of Dragon Gate. It's a remake of the 1992 Raymond Lee film New Dragon Gate Inn which is a remake of the 1966 King Hu film Dragon Gate Inn. The former was produced and c0-written by Tsui Hark. Jet Li is a freedom fighter who attacks the beheading ceremony where some of his fighters were about to get the chop. Jet makes his entrance after some giant logs come busting out of a wall and drop on the crowd. It's a 3D movie but we didn't see it that way. In the Ming Dynasty evil eunuchs head the East and West Bureaus. The powerful organizations, that only answer to the Emperor, are fighting amongst themselves. Some chambermaids in the Royal Palace have gotten pregnant by the Emperor. No one wants more heirs to the throne and they're sent off to be executed. One gal escapes and when she's caught she's rescued by a woman fighter. They travel together into the desert toward the Dragon Inn. The evil eunuchs send men after the girl. The bureaus are also looking for Jet but he's hard to find. There's a huge storm coming and the people who run the inn are sending their customers to the local military fort when our various players start arriving. There are Tartars hanging out drinking. Their chief is a tattooed cutie that could kick my ass three ways to sunday. The local head of the one of the Bureaus shows up just after the pregnant gal and her warrior friend arrive. A criminal couple enter the picture and after a while Jet Li returns. The groups dance around each other until things heat up and the action starts in ernest. The storm blows in and we learn there's treasure out in the desert. You know someone can get stabbed for that and soon the blades are flashing. There's plenty of action, some comedy and a fairly quickly paced story. The Variety review I read complained that there wasn't enough character development ala Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and another review said this:

Flying Swords of Dragon Gate follows Tsui’s wildly successful Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame in removing the pretension abundant in 21st century wuxia, ditching the serious tone and grand romanticism that characterized the post-Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon genre landscape. Instead of epic tales of love and betrayal we get fab iconography and copious martial arts action, plus fun characters and loads of Tsui Hark’s dizzy, infectious energy.

Funny, huh. I do agree with Kozo at Love HK Film in his complaint about CT-HD. Way too little fun in that movie. It's gorgeous but it sure didn't make me want to watch it again. Ang Lee sucks as a story teller in my eyes. I didn't like any of his films that I've seen and wouldn't watch the rest of them. I'd rather see some fun move with some good fights and entertaining characters. FSODG would be a movie I'd watch again. It's not out here yet, Joe ordered a copy from overseas. but it'll show up sooner or later. I'd pick on up when it does.