PRIMITIVE SCREWHEADS

Science Fiction Sunday 805

Jurassic Triangle 2024 Written by Harry Boxley and directed by Victor De Almeida. There's nothing in the movie that is as good as that poster. The CGI is especially low budget and awkward.

A portal to another dimension appears in the sky. A helicopter full of people passes through it and winds up somewhere else. It's a place with dinosaurs, some based on real dinos, some imaginary bitey scuttley things. Everyone gets killed because the pilot was trying to find his daughter, she was a previous victim of the portal. They find her long dead body just before the movie ends so it was all for nothing. That's what I feel about the movie, it's all for nothing. Lucky for me my failing memory will wipe it from my noggin. I recommend staying away, it might linger in your memory and you'd only have yourself to blame.

The Loch Ness Horror 2023 Written and directed by Tyler-James. Another poster filled with lies. Nothing in the movie looks that good.

Just about everything about this movie is poor, the script, the dialog, the actors, plot devices. You name it's bad, except for the ship. It looks a real ship. The unrealistic bit about the ship is that 3 or 4 people are going to run it along with a few scientists. As the movie starts a submarine is attacked and goes off line without us knowing for sure what happened. A corporate type sends 4 people to take a big ship out to sea with a handful of other characters like a medic and a guy who runs the submersible.

The crew turn out to be gun toting psychos that have been secretly told to kill the beast. It's such a cliche move it's embarrassing. It continues in that same vein to the Gorgo like ending of the movie. Nothing original, nothing to elevate the film, nothing to make me more entertained than the slight amount I get from complaining. Another one I should have given a miss.

The Black Demon 2023 Story by Carlos Cisco, screenplay by Boise Esquerra, direction by Adrian Grünberg. The movie is set in Mexico but it was filmed in the Dominican Republic.

A man and his family are on a vacation trip in Mexico, the man is an inspector for an oil company. He's a bad man, falsifying records of poor working conditions and bad safety habits, the company gives him lots of money to cover stuff up. He's got to take an afternoon out of his vacation to inspect an offshore well just a short way from the town.

They find the town nearly empty and everyone is hostile to them. He goes out the ship and the family stay in the town. Things continue to go downhill as the man finds out there's a giant megalodon attacking the well. The townie's pick on the family and chase them to the shore. A man takes them out to the boat, he leaves them and runs, the shark eats him a short way from the well. Ha ha.

The man discovers he's being set up for poor practices by the company, they've set a bomb to go off while he's there, he uses it to destroy the shark, sacrificing himself to save the others.

Another cliche ridden film. The acting was better than the script. The CGI was at the lower end of acceptable. I enjoyed it more than the previous two but I wouldn't need to see it again.

All three of these were in the free section of Amazon Prime. I'm not including links, can't be arsed, you shouldn't watch these anyway.

Friday Night Movies 1002

Indiana Jones And The Dial Of Destiny 2023 Screenplay by Jez Butterworth, John-Henry Butterworth, David Koepp and James Mangold, directed by James Mangold.

The movie opens with Indy trying to steal treasures looted by the Nazis. Indy and his pal Basil are after the Lance of Longinus. The pair sneak about but are ultimately captured by the Nazi scum. Hitler wants the Lance but Indy and Nazi astrophysicist Voller say it's a fake. Voller has half of the Archimedes Dial, he thinks it will be more valuable to the Reich than the Lance. There's plenty of mayhem as Indy and Basil escape.

In 1969 New York Indy is retiring from teaching at a college. Basil's daughter Helena shows up to see Indy, she believes he's still got the Dial. She claims she wants to study it. Indy reveals he still has the device. Voller and his Nazi pals show up to steal the Dial. They kill a lot of people but Helena steals the Dial and leaves. Voller blows off a meeting with the President to chase after Indy who's gone to Tangier. Indy and the Nazis interrupt Helena's plan to sell the Dial at a stolen antiquity auction. There's a long chase through the city and the Nazis get the Dial. The story moves on eventually leading to the past and a chat with Archimedes.

The fifth Indiana Jones movie sure doesn't live up to level of the previous films. The film was considered a flop, not making it's nut back at the box office. There's a good bit of action with plenty of yelling, gunfire and explosions but it doesn't make up with the weak film. Crabby old Indy isn't that much fun to be around. It's a long film that seems longer, it could have been tightened up to it's benefit.

Lucky for him Indy manages to get through the fights and survive getting shot. Conversely I was disappointed Helena survived. I really disliked her, she's truly a scumbag. Trying to redeem her character in the last minutes of the film is positively weak. I doubt I'll wind up watching this film as much as I would the fourth film and I know it's going to be way less than the first three.

The Catman Of Paris 1946 Screenplay by Sherman L Lowe, directed by Lesley Selander. Lesley directed over 100 westerns in his 32 year career. Occasionally he'd direct a horror film, we watched The Vampire's Ghost at movie night back in 2017. He also directed the 1951 SF film Flight To Mars and the first two Lone Ranger films in the 50s. This is also on the Repubic Picture Horror Collection. Not a stellar package so far but watchable films.

In the late 1800s a Paris novelist called Charles has penned a controversial book,  he claims the book has made him enemies among the public. Charles tells his friend Henry his troubles. Soon after a man who had damning documents detrimental to Charles is found dead, strangled and slashed. Charles former sweetheart is killed in a similar way. Charles is suspected of being the so called Catman.

The rest of this low throttle thriller is a tad lack luster. There's a bit of action but it's spread thin. There's not much suspense and the ending isn't much of a surprise. It was made to be the second half of Republics first horror double bill with Valley Of The Zombies. I still enjoyed it but couldn't give it more than a 5 on the IMDb. I'd  watch it again sometime and I plan to listen to the commentary on the Blu-ray.

Sisu 2022

Sisu 2022 Written and directed by Jalmari Helander. His first film was the delightful Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale which came out in 2010, in 2014 he directed Big Game, in 2022 Sisu. There's a Sisu sequel in the works. I have not seen Big Game but I'm curious enough to put it on my Amazon Wish List.

The movie is set in 1944 and in Lapland. The Finnish army is fighting the Nazi scum. The Nazi army is on the retreat, scorching the earth as they go. That fit Grizzly Adams in the poster is an ex-soldier called Aatami, he's a prospector who's found a massive vein of gold. He takes a couple of bags of gold on horse back to the city. On the road he passes a German tank and a couple of trucks. They let him go, the commander of the unit claiming he is riding to his death. Sure enough there's another bunch of Nazi scum just down the road.

After Aatami kills the Nazi scum the commander heads pulled back to the location because of all the gunfire. He finds a gold nugget and decides to give chase through a mine field he'd just buried. He looses several of his men in a torrent of body parts. Going after the gold is the last big mistake of the commander's life. The movie is a fight to the finish and I've just given you a big clue as to the likely outcome. That, and there being a sequel, kind of gave the game away.

There's plenty of chasing about, lots of brutal fist fights, hails of gun fire but hardly enough Nazi slaughter. There were only 4 vehicles of Nazi soldiers so you had to run out at some point. It's all pretty entertaining and there's a sense of humor that I liked. I'd definitely want to see this again sometime.

Science Fiction Sunday 795

Alpha Code 2020 Written by Milan Friedrich and Keoni Waxman, directed by Keoni Waxman. Claims to be based on a true story. Keoni has his own company that seems to make low budget genre pictures. He started in 1996 and has made 27 films. This is the first one I've seen. I doubt I'd need to see any of his other films.

A secret alien invasion movie with a family that's caught up in the middle. The hubby and the daughter drive up to the family cabin. At night the daughter is abducted. The hubby wakes up in hospital. An investigator comes to visit and strange stuff starts happening. The man escapes and the investigator chases after him. Most of the movie is run and chase, there's some fights and gun shooting. More about the invasion is revealed. There's some telepathy too.

Bren Foster plays the guy, Denise Richards plays a strange lady he starts making out with, Randy Couture plays the investigator, most of the rest of the cast are from the Czech Republic.

I thought it was an average story with poor dialog but a fairly decently made film. It had a $3 million budget. You know that will go far in the Czech Republic. I got through to the end with the help of 1.5 speed but I wouldn't bother with it again. You can see it on YouTube.

Alpha Rift 2021 Written and directed by Dan Lantz.

A guy owns a gaming shop. He's also the secret warrior of a society that fights evil. Lance Henriksen plays the head of the society. A robbery at Lance's mansion releases an apostle of the devil, one of the robbers is killed, another taken over by the apostle, the third one helps him escape. The rest of the movie is the gaming boy complaining and training.

Eventually the evil is defeated for the time being. The gamer comes into his won but it was a bit of a struggle to get there. All that training and complaining is a bit tedious. I speed up a good bit in this one too. I'm not sad to have seen it but I don't plan on watching it again. Another one on YouTube.

Friday Night Movies 984

The Great Yokai War Guardians 2021 Screenplay by Yûsuke Watanabe, directed by Takashi Miike. A Japanese kids film about Yokai monsters. Miike made a Yokai film back in 2005 that's set in the same sort of world.

A pair of young brothers join up with some Yokai to stop a giant rolling Yokai from trashing Tokyo and releasing a dangerous Yokai buried beneath the city. There's plenty of monsters and yelling. I like the mythology of the Yokai and there's a nice assortment of them on screen much of the time.

I thought it was entertaining and enjoyed the movie. There's plenty of destruction and noise. It's main flaw is it's way too long at 118 mins. I'd stillwatch it again but I'm doubting I'd buy the Blu-ray from SRS.

The Whale God 1962 Based on the novel The Whale God by Koichiro Uno, screenplay by Kaneto Shindo, directed by Tokuzo Tanaka. Music by Akira Ifukube. Another Blu-ray from SRS.

A Japanese fishing village is visited by a giant whale each year. The local name for it is the god whale. It's a big one and hard to kill. Many fisherman have been killed by the god whale. The village is obsessed by the god whale and Shaki is really obsessed. Ei, a whale widow, offers to sleep with the man who kills the god whale. The head man in the village makes an even better offer, his title, and and daughter are up for grabs for killing the god whale. Takashi Shimura plays the headman.

A visiting man wants a chance at the prize. Katsu Shintaro (Zatoichi) plays the visitor and he's a bad guy. He rapes the Ei and she has a baby before the god whale returns for his annual visit to the area. Shanti helps Ei with the birth, he tells the village the baby is his and marries Ei. The head man and his daughter are unhappy. Things get worse when the god whale returns.

I enjoyed it despite it's rather slow pace. It's also an SRS Blu-ray. You can test drive the movie at the Internet Archive. See link above.

Sonic The Hedgehog 2020

Sonic The Hedgehog 2020 Written by Pat Casey and Josh Miller, directed by Jeff Fowler.

Jim Carrey is an evil scientist who needs stopping. Sonic the Hedgehog teams up with the local sheriff to take down Jim. They travel across country and have some adventures along the way.

It's noisy and very fast paced for the most part. I got a few laughs out of it. I might get around to watching it again.

RIPD 2 - Rise Of The Damned 2022

RIPD 2 - Rise Of The Damned 2022 Written by Andrew Klein, Paul Leyden and Peter M Lenkov, directed by Paul Leyden. An American film that was shot in Hungary.

Jeffrey Donovan was the sheriff of a town when he was killed and got recruited by the RIPD. That's the Rest In Peace Department, they assign a handler, played by Penelope Mitchell, to guide Jeffrey on a mission. The pair appear to the locals as different people, since it's 1876 they appear as two black women.

They battle a baddie who wants to break down the barriers that keep the demons out of the Earth. There's plenty of shooting and fighting with a big body count.

It's not overly good, plenty of haters on the IMDb, but I got through the movie with a bit of a bit of speed control. I wasn't sorry I saw it, I usually enjoy Jeffrey Donovan but it might be a while before I get around to it again.

Friday Night Movies 951

Bullet Train 2022 Based on the novel Maria Beetle (Bullet Train) by Kōtarō, screenplay by Zak Olkewicz, directed by David Leitch. David hasn't directed a lot of films, he was mostly an actor and stuntman before moving into direction. At one point he was Brad Pitts stunt double in several films. John Wick was his first film, followed by Atomic Blonde, Deadpool 2 and Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw. I haven't seen any but John Wick yet. David's currently got a movie in post production based on the Lee Major's TV series The Fall Guy due out next year.

Brad Pitt plays Ladybug, he's an assassin who mostly works snatch and grab jobs, he's on the train to steal a briefcase filled with cash and gold. He's in communication with his handler Maria Beetle. Unbeknownst to them there are several other assassins and criminals on the train. There's a moderately good reason for each of them being there. The movie is pretty much a non-stop series of wild fist fights, blazing gun battles and noisy flashbacks. There's some flashback material that fill the viewer on the story.

It's pretty entertaining and quite violent. I got several laughs out of it, there's a lot of collateral damage and plenty of over the top shenanigans. I'd watch it again, lucky for me I bought the Blu-ray.

Val 2021 Written by Aaron Fradkin and Victoria Fratz, directed by Aaron Fradkin.

A dumb ass on the run from toe cops for a murder breaks into the big house of a $5000 an hour dominatrix who brings a world of pain into his life. We get a series of flashbacks to explain the story and things end poorly for the dumbass.

It's pretty darn talky and pretty average. It's only 81 mins but it drags that out to the end. Might have been better as a 45-50 min story on a TV anthology series. It scores a 5 on the IMDb and that's what I gave it. I wouldn't be driven to see it again anytime soon.

Friday Night Movies 923

Seobok Project Clone 2021 Written and directed by Lee Yong-ju.

Seobok is a new species of human created by cloning and genetic manipulation. The process gave Seobok some mental powers but the companies goal is to tap into his bodily fluids and use that to create a longevity serum.

Seobok becomes the pawn of the old man who runs the company and one of the people in the intelligence agency who wants to sell Seobok to the Americans. Stuck in the middle is an ex-agent of the intelligence agency called Min who's supposed to get Seobok to his new digs. The transport is attacked by mercenaries and Min and Seobok go on the run. There's some fish out of water stuff and some gun fights along the way to the end of the movie. The factions interested in Seobok battle it out until most everyone is dead.

It's a longish movie, 115 mins, and it takes a while to get going. There's a few action scenes along the way but at it's core it raises questions of ethics in medicine. Is it OK to create a human clone for the purpose of harvesting it's biomass for medicine like an insulin pig and is it OK to kill everyone who opposes your plans. I enjoyed it for the most part but would have enjoyed it more if they had picked up the pace a bit. It's not going to get added to my library unless it's a free download which I probably wouldn't ever get around to again.

The Munsters 2022 Written and directed by Rob Zombie.

It's the Munster's origin story. A mad scientist puts Herman together and sends him out into the world. Herman gets some success as a comedian and meets Lily Gruesella and her father the Count. They get married and Lily's brother Lester tricks Herman into giving away the family castle to the Count's ex-wife. Herman, Lilly and the Count move to Hollywood, winding up at 1313 Mockingbird Lane.

There's plenty of gags and slapstick, all briskly paced to keep the story moving. Some of them work well, other's pratfall. I got plenty of laughs from it and will eventually pick up the Blu-ray so I can watch it again someday. I need to re-watch the original show, I haven't seen much of it for years and years.

Friday Night Movies 920

Valley Of The Dead 2020 Based of the novel Noche de difuntos del 38 by Manuel Martín Ferreras, screenplay by Jaime Marques Olarreaga, Alberto Fernández Arregui and Cristian Conti, directed by Javier Ruiz Caldera and Alberto de Toro. Original Spanish title Malnazidos.

It's Spain in 1938, the Spanish Civil War is going on and stink of Nazis is everywhere. The Nazis arrive in a small town while there's a wedding going on. The Nazis kill all the people in the town square. They dump some blue powder on the bodies and take off.

The tall guy with the mustache in the poster is in a bit of trouble, luckily his uncle saves him from the firing squad at the last minute. He's sent on a mission to deliver a message to a general in a bad area. He takes a short cut and runs into a Nazi roadblock. He bullies his way into the area and gets caught by the enemy just as the Nazi experiment fires up a horde of murderous zombies. A small group locals with mixed political and religious views have to pull together to fight off the dead scum.

The group makes their way out of the valley but they're hindered by the rapidly growing zombie pop. One by one most of the characters fall, often with a nice bit of personal glory. It's got a nice bunch of characters and the script gives us just enough of their story before moving along.

There's a great variety of fighting and plenty of explosions. The CGI head shots are a bit samey but some of the other bits of action are well done. It's a 102 mins and it doesn't seen over padded or stogy. I'd be happy to watch it again.

Army Of The Dead 2021  Story by Zack Snyder, screenplay by Zack Snyder, Shay Hatten and Joby Harold, directed by Zack Snyder.

A zombie heist film set in Las Vegas in the near future. A military transport accident released the original zombie and it quickly took over Las Vegas. The army fought them and then walled in the city and left them alone. Six years later it's decided to nuke the place.

Before the big bomb boom an ex-soldier gets asked to sneak into Las Vegas and steal $200,000,000. He can have a quarter to split with his team. Dave Bautista plays the ex-soldier, he doesn't want to go but he wants the money to start a new life for him and his daughter. Moronically he lets his daughter go along on the heist.

Dave gathers a group of people, enters the city and meets up with the locals. There's a good bit of fighting and zombie killing. There's also a good bit of personal story, more than I cared for. It's a 140 min movie and rather indulgent. A good chunk of that run time could have been trimmed to create a leaner meaner movie. The CGI and physical effects are pretty good. I enjoyed the zombie tiger and zombie horse. Some money was spent, $70-90 million according to the Wikipedia. It didn't make any money at the Box Office, only a million smackaroonies from it's short theatrical release. It was popular on Netflix when it appeared there.

There's nothing new here, some guys fighting zombies in areas that look liked video games. I was bored with the dull parts, especially all the character back story. Snip! Snip! I wasn't sorry to have seen it but I wouldn't bother with it again.