PRIMITIVE SCREWHEADS

Fat Slags 2004

Fat Slags 2004 Written by William Osborne and directed by Ed Bye. A British comedy based on the Fat Slags comic from Viz. You might recognize Ed Bye, he's been directing British comedy for decades, The Young Ones, Filthy, Rich And Catflap, The Two Ronnies, Red Dwarf, Bottom and plenty more funny programs and films. Ed has been married to Ruby Wax since the late 80s.

Sandra and Tracey are the two plus size women in the poster. Fiona Allen plays Sandra and Sophie Thompson plays Tracey. When we meet them they're getting bollixed by their foreman for their poor work habits. They are crude, self absorbed, vile and dim as a ten watt lamp. While their foreman is talking to them the factory blows up because Sandra left her cutting torch burning. Now they have to find new jobs. Lucky for them they get a letter inviting them to appear on a talk show in London. Off they go.

Jerry O'Connell plays a billionaire called Sean, he takes a flower pot to the head and becomes insane. He sees the gals on the talk show and takes a liking to them. Sean's lawyer is called Victor, he's played by Anthony Head. Victor gets the job of finding the gals and bringing them to Sean. A fashion designer is paid to make a range of clothes based on the gals look, generally they prefer brightly colored track suits stretched to the limit by flab. Because it's in the script the country goes mental over the fashion look and the gals become popular, especially after exposing their breasts on TV.

Geri Halliwell plays Sean's assistant Paige, she tries gaining some weight to be more like the gals. Tracey and Sandra fight over Sean, Tracey goes on a date with him after knocking Sandra out. Tracey accidentally bites Sean's dick off when his limo crashes to avoid running over some nuns in the road. The gals get locked up after their fight kills the General Secretary of the United Free World. They get tossed into the Tower Of London. Sean gets hit on the head and comes to his senses. The gals are trashed and dumped. They head home to their boyfriends and show off their boobs while dancing at the pub. Life is back to normal for these idiots.

There's a ton of other actors I didn't mention, until now, James Dreyfus, Naomi Campbell, Angus Deayton, Hugh Dennis, Lederere, Rick Gervais, John Thompson and Dolph Lundgren. They were the ones I knew of, mostly cameos and small parts, there were still more small parts.

The film was panned by the critics and it scores a 1.9 on the IMDb, justifiably I thought. It has 4000 votes. I joined the 53% who gave it a 1. I couldn't take the chance that giving it a 2 might bring the score up a bit. Lots of people gave it a 10, 27%, reminding me people are bat shit crazy. I would guess some votes could have been bought.

I didn't care for the main characters much at all. They certainly wouldn't be the sort of people I would want to spend any time with. The jokes are tired old dogs, I wasn't even cracking a smile. Graham Dury, the comic's creator said he 'was so appalled by the film, he threatened to stop drawing the strips'. We'd be all better off had he never drawn it. I've just never cottoned to the VIZ style. The film got listed as one of the worst British films ever made. You can see it on YouTube, link above. There are animated versions of the gals too but I couldn't bring myself to watch them.

Joe Lycett's United States Of Birmingham

Just finished watching Joe Lycett's United States of Birmingham and it was joyous. Joe spent a month in the US going to all the Birmingham towns to get document of friendship signed by the mayor or other reps. Joe spent a lot of time on a bus with his driver Randy and the film crew. Most of the Birmingham towns are small and scattered across the middle eastern part of the US. Joe had various adventures in each town. The last episode of four took place in Birmingham Alabama and Birmingham UK.

In Joe's beloved home town the Mayor signed all the friendship agreements and partied with local dignitaries and famous rock stars like Black Sabbath, Joan Armatrading and UB40. There was a parade and Joe dressed appropriately. Joe even brought Randy and three other Americans he'd meet in Birminghams. They got to tour Birmingham with Joe and were part of the celebration. It's good reminder that there are decent folks out there and Joe is a brilliant comedian. He just won the BAFTA for Late Night Lycett, for the second time. Joe's aunts were invited to the celebration. It was nice to see them again.

Father Brown 1954

Father Brown 1954 Based on The Blue Cross by G K Chesterton, screenplay by Thelma Schnee, Maurice Rapf and Robert Hamer, directed by Robert Hamer. The film was released in the US under the title The Detective. The movie was produced by Paul F Moss, the husband of Thelma Schnee. The picture was released on June 8 and Moss died 5 days later. Thelma had given birth to a daughter on June 5 1954. Alex Guinness plays Father Brown and Peter Finch plays Gustav Flambeau.

Father Brown is caught stuffing a safe with cash, he was putting the money back to help a parishioner, played by Sidney James, the police don't believe him and pop him in the nick. The Bishop comes to confirm who he is and the police let him out. He gets a telling off by the Bishop, played by Cecil Parker, who then informs him he's to loan his church's 1200 year old cross to a meeting in Rome. The police, in the form of Inspector Valentine, played by Bernard Lee, want to ship the cross with guards to keep it from being stolen by famous thief Gustav Flambeau. Father Brown refuses their help, stating he'll carry the cross in a nondescript parcel, hiding in plain site as it were.

Father Brown makes it to Paris before Flambeau, disguised as a priest, steals the cross. He leaves Father Brown tied up in a catacomb. Now Father Brown is in hot water with the church hierarchy. He tries to lure Flambeau out with a fancy silver chess set belonging to his friend Lady Warren, played by Joan Greenwood, but the thief proves to be slippery and runs off with the set. When Father Brown and Lady Warren return to her house they find Flambeau there with the chess set. Sidney James's character is now Lady Warren's chauffeur. Valentine turns up and Father Brown helps him escape.

Now Father Brown is in trouble with the church and the police, he runs off to Paris to try to find Flambeau and get the cross back. He follows the few clues he has and successfully locates Flambeau. He wants hm to repent and return everything he stole. That almost works, the police show up and recover the goods but the thief escapes. Days later Flambeau turns up at Father Brown's church during the sermon.

It's an entertaining movie with a good script and cast. Besides the few mentioned I knew Ernest Clarke, Sam Kydd, John Horsley, Jack McNaughton and Eugene Deckers. I found it on the Internet Archive, link above. I'll definitely want to watch it again sometime.

No Heroics Series 1

No Heroics Series 1 Created by Drew Pearce. One series of 6 episodes aired in September and October of 2008.

No Heroics universe is simulated to ours but it's populated with superheroes. Locally they're nicknamed Capes. Many are good and helpful, some are so much less so. A little group of lesser Capes hang out at the superhero pub The Fortress.The club doesn't allow superheros to wear costumes or use their powers. It's rather like a normal pub otherwise.

The group we follow along with are:

Nicholas Burns - Alex - The Hotness - controls fire.

Claire Keelan - Sarah - Electroclash - controls machines.

James Lance - Don - Timebomb - can see 60 seconds into the future.

Rebekah Staton - Jenny - She Force - World's third strongest woman.

Their main annoyance is Excelsor, he's a full of himself superhero that has plenty of powers and exciting pieces on the news. He especially likes picking on The Hotness. Jim Howick plays Simon the bouncer, he's the Thundermonkey and he can summon monkeys to kick your ass. If you wait around for them to arrive by delivery service, it may take a couple of hours for them to show up. Sometimes the baddies just go home. Steve Speirs plays Norse Dave, he's the bartender, we never learn much of anything about him.

Alex and Sarah used to date, now they're that annoying couple that bicker, Don is gay, rather dark and always on the pull, Jenny and Sarah used to be a super duo, they didn't last too long, they weren't very good, Jenny has trouble with dating.

I liked the scripts, I found some nice funny bits and some nice dark bits, I even laughed out loud a few times. People compare it to Mystery Men but it's more like The Specials. I was happy to see it and hope to watch it again before the end of time.

Your Money Or Your Wife 1960

Your Money Or Your Wife 1960 Based on the play Count Your Blessings by Ronald Jeans, screenplay by Ronald Jeans and directed by Anthony Simmons. A British film about inheritance and divorce.

Donald Sinden and Peggy Cummings are married and in debt. They rent rooms to tenants who are behind on their rent. Peggy's aunt leaves them some money but it's doled out monthly. There's a bit that gets them thinking of divorce, they can access a large chuck of the inheritance if they split. Trouble with that is getting grounds for divorce. It leads to some comic bits.

Despite the script being a bit dull and weak jokes it's generally fun to watch. Richard Wattis is the actor that stands out among the cast. Barbara Steele pops up for a few scenes.

The Franchise Series 1 2024

The Franchise Series 1 2024 Created by Jon Brown A British American co-production about the making of a superhero movie called Tecto: Eye Of The Storm.

Daniel is the first assistant director on the film, he's trying to keep the staff focused on getting the day to day work done and problems that come up from the various personalities of the actors and crew. There are plenty of problems that pop up. Everyone is needy, weak and prone to complain about everything. It would be a horrible place to work. Not for me.

It's fun to watch. I got a good number of laughs. Sadly the series got the axe after one series.

Just For Fun 1963

Just For Fun 1963 Written by Milton Subotsky and directed by Gordon Flemyng. Milton was the co-founder of Amicus Films. Gordon directed the Dr Who feature films and oodles of TV programs like The Saint, The Avengers, The Baron, Cribb, Bergerac, Lovejoy and many more. Nicholas Roeg is the chief cameraman. The movie had some nice set decoration for the musical numbers that aired on TV. I wonder where that big Easter Island head went.

In Britain teenagers get the right to vote, the established parties work to earn their votes but the teens start their own party. The plot is just something to hang all the musical numbers on. The film is packed with musical numbers, there are 28 of them, many of the songs are about 2 mins, the running time is just 84 mins. Most of the artists I hadn't heard of before, I did know a few singers and bands like: Bobby Vee, The Crickets, Freddy Cannon and Clodagh Rodgers.

With all those songs the movie hasn't got much time to be getting on with the plot. The plot part of the script is pretty skimpy and it's rather light on jokes. I enjoyed some of it and fast forwarded through the lesser musical numbers. I wouldn't need to see it again but I was glad to see it this one time.

The Narrowing Circle 1956

The Narrowing Circle 1956 Based on the 1954 novel of the same name by Julian Symons, screenplay by Doreen Montgomery, directed by Charles Saunders. A British crime film about a crime writer framed for murder.

Paul Carpenter plays writer Dave Nelson, he works for a magazine producer, he seems to be in line for an editor job. When he comes to work one day he finds he's got to share his office with Rosemary Speed, played by Hazel Court, and both of them like to dictate. Dave looses the editor job when the board pick another editor. Later Dave gets the brush off from the food editor, she dumped him for the editor who got the job he wanted. Dave hits the bar, gets drunk, picks up Christie and takes her to a sleazy hotel. That turns out to be a mistake, especially the part where he signs the register with a fake name.

When Dave wakes in the AM she's gone. He goes home and finds a dead body in his living room. The stiff is the guy who got the editor job. The police half believe his story but it all looks rather suspicious. Things get pretty grim for Dave, the sleazy hotel desk clerk doesn't remember him, it looks worse when the desk clerk gets murdered. They find Christie but she's dead too. Lucky for Paul he gets a hand from Rosemary.

It's got a fairly entertaining and fun script and the cast is good. I enjoyed it despite it being about average. I'd probably get around to it again some day. Link in the title above.

Invasion Quartet 1961

Invasion Quartet 1961 Story by Norman Collins, screenplay by Jack Trevor Story and John Briley, directed by Jay Lewis. A British comedy set near the end of World War 2.

Wounded military men are billeted in an old manor house near the southern coast of England. They're considered unfit for duty and need some recuperation. Bill Travers plays Freddie Oppenheimer, he's lost a leg but he's raring to get back to active duty. Grégoire Aslan plays a French officer called Debrie, he shares Freddie's passion for active duty despite losing a hand. Spike Milligan plays Godfrey Pringle, he's an expert on explosives, John Le Mesurier is a Colonel in the Home Guard, Thorley Walters plays Cummings and Millicent Martin plays a nurse called Kay.

Their recovery is interrupted daily by the firing of Big Hermann, a giant canon on a rail car. A plan hatches in Freddie's head, he's going to blow up Big Hermann. He recruits Debrie, Godfrey and Cummings. After BH blows up the Colonel's squad car he joins forces with Freddie and co. Freddie gets a boat and sails for France with the other 4 men, poor Cummings gets hurt and they have to leave him behind. In France they disguise themselves as Frenchmen and travel to Big Hermann's location by bus. They cheat some drunken German soldier's out of their uniforms and gain access to the cannon.

It's a rather slight comedy, there's plenty of slapstick. It's slightly above average but I still enjoyed it. I'd watch it again which is lucky as I bought the Warner Archive DVD.

Death In Paradise Series 14 2025

Death In Paradise Series 14 2025

The 2024 Christmas Special introduced the new detective from the UK. He's another annoying guy who doesn't want to be there. Don Gilet plays DI Mervin Wilson. He's abrupt, rude, demanding and the least interesting guy in the head seat so far. At least Danny John-Jules makes an appearance as Officer Dwayne Myers, sadly it's his last appearance in the series. Mind you Dwayne has returned to the series so much you'd think he was a yo-yo. 

Series 14 starts with the murder of the newest recruit to the team. Officer Brice was found dead on the road to the station on his first day. On his way out of town DI Gilet runs into the murder scene and decides to help out. He solves the crime but damages the station's electrical supply. He's such a dick. At the end of the episode he finds out his estranged mother died in a boat wreck. He thinks it could be a murder and decides to stay. That gets wrapped up in the second episode. It was an accident, she should have checked the weather and stayed home. It was a pretty poor plot point.

The replacement Office is named Sebastian Rose, he's gangly and annoying. We also find out this series that the Commissioner is being phased out. It's too early to speculate how that will end. Most of the rest of it's about the same. I'm sadly a bit less interested in the series this time around.