PRIMITIVE SCREWHEADS

Friday Night Movies 938

Project Gutenberg 2018 Written and directed by Felix Chong.

Aaron Kwok is a counterfeiter who reveals his story to the police. Aaron says he was recruited by the mysterious man called the Painter. Big money is a good lure and Aaron creates a really good counterfeit $100 US bill. The Painter is a violent man who murders a lot of people while obtaining the materials he needs to print the bills. There's a lot of time devoted to Aaron's relationship with an artist called Yuen Man. It's hard to keep a relationship going when you're a criminal.

It's a 130 min movie that moves at a crawl. They spend a long time describing the counterfeiting process in minute detail. There's a complicated story that turns out to be partially a lie. It gets a bit like The Usual Suspects with a big lie on top of some facts. I liked it some but not enough to run out and buy a copy. An Asian DVD is about 20 bucks on eBay and the Blu-ray is $40 to $75. It's on Amazon Prime for free with membership. You can also see a good copy on YouTube, link above.

To Sleep So As T0 Dream 1986 Written and directed by Kaizô Hayashi. First movie by the writer director. I've not seen any of his other films. We watched the Blu-ray.

Two private eyes get hired to look for a woman. That's about the extent of normal in the film. It's complicated and fairly interesting but hard to describe without many words, that seems wrong for a mostly silent movie. You can see a copy on YouTube, it's a bit dark but you can figure what's going on fine. I might watch it again, at 1.5 speed, but I'm not going to buy the Blu-ray.

Friday Night Movies 910

The Iceman Cometh 1989 Written by Johnny Mak and Stephen Shiu, directed by Clarence Fok with Yuen Biao directing the action. 

Yuen Biao is a Ming Guard called Fong Sau-chingin 16th century China and Yuen Wah is a nasty villain called Feng Sen who's known to rape and murder young women. After Feng Sen murders the Princess and steals the Black Jade Buddha the Emperor is mad that Fong did not stop Feng Sen. The Emperor orders Fong executed but relents when Fong begs the Emperor for his life. Fong is given 20 days to catch the crook or he's dead and so are his relatives. 

The Black Jade Buddha is a magical item that transports Feng Sen and Fong into the future. They wind up in 1980s Kowloon. Feng Sen disappears from the movie for a while. We follow Fong as he's befriended by a prostitute called Polly, played by Maggie Chung. Polly draws him into her world but Fong's too naive at first to figure out what's going on. They spend a lot of the 114 min movie working on their relationship. It's way too much and the movie nearly drags to a stop about two thirds of the way through. It was easily one of the best sleeping aids I've encountered.

The action is pretty good when it's happening but there's a lot of deadly wait time between bouts. Feng Sen is a more interesting villain than Fong is a hero but Fong eventually defeats the baddie and returns to his time. There's a dumb "happy" ending.

I'd seen this back in 1996 but failed to comment on my watched movie list. I doubt I'd buy the new Blu-ray, I doubt I'd watch it again.

Mutant Hunt 1987 Written and directed by Tim Kincaid. Tim made a few low-budget SF and horror films in his career but mostly he's made gay porn films.

I saw this back in 2012 and the only comment on my Watched Movie List is "Crappy." I don't know where I watched the movie or what format it was on, today we watched the new Vinegar Syndrome Blu-ray. While it looks nice it's still a crappy movie. Another one I won't be buying for my collection. You can watch a poor pan and scan version on YouTube but why would you.

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Iron Mask 2019 Screenplay by Oleg Stepchenko, Dimitry Paltserv and Alexey A Petrukin, directed by Oleg Stepchenko. A Russian Chinese co-production that's a sequel to Forbidden Empire. Starring Jason Flemyng, Jackie Chan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rutget Hauer, Helen Yao and Charles Dance.

 

Titled Тайна печати дракона in Russian, the English translation is Viy 2: Journey To China. Titled 龙牌之谜 in Chinese which translates to The Mystery Of The Dragon Seal in English. It's called The Iron Mask or just Iron Mask in the US.

Jason is a cartographer who's mapping Europe, Russia and China. Along his route he helps a young man who turns out to be a Chinese Princess. Jackie is in prison in the Tower Of London with Tzar Peter I, Arnold is the Warden, he likes a punch up, anyone who beats him can go free. The Tzar escapes and winds up on a ship with Jason's wife. They are bound for China.

The Princess returns to her town to find an evil sorceress is posing as the Princess. There's a lot of leaping about and yelling to get that set right. There's plenty of nice scenery along the journey. It's a nice production but the dialog is kind of poor. I enjoyed the movie and hope they get to release the third film. It's supposed to come out in 2022 but nothing so far.

Amityville In Space 2022 Written and directed by Mark Polonia. Mark had directed over 70 pictures in the last 37 years. From the look of this one he hasn't learned how to make a good movie yet. He seems to be following The Asylum's business plan, make low budget horror movies, make a lot of them, don't worry that they aren't very good. I thought AIS was worse than some of The Asylum's poorer pictures. Mark's a big liar too, there's nothing in the movie that looks like that poster. There is a house in space, it's been exorcised from Earth. You can see it in the trailer in the title above. It's sad looking. Most of the effects are poor.

There's a space ship filled with spacemen and women who are traveling about the galaxy blowing up black holes with bombs. They spot the house near a black hole. A strange humanoid enters the ship and gives the human's hallucinations. A priest comes to help them and some of them live to escape.

We were joking about while watching, there was a complaint that I thought was quite valid, the film makers don't seem to take any steps, even baby ones, to make their movie better. We were coming up with all sorts of ways to improve scenes and ways that wouldn't increase the budget. Is Mark lacking imagination? Could be. I think he just didn't bother. I wouldn't bother watching the film again.

Friday Night Movies 902

Monstrum 2018 Story by Jeong-uk Byeon and Heo-dam, screenplay by Heo-dam and Jung-ho Huh, directed by Jong-ho Huh. A Korean giant monster story set in the 15th century.

King Jungjong's got some trouble with his Prime Minister. The PM is turning the citizen's against the King with a series of plots to instill fear into the citizens. He plans to depose the King and take over. There's a plague going on, and now, a monster is killing the locals in the countryside.

Yoon Gyeom was a member of the King's guard but he had a difference of opinion with the king and was booted out of the court 5 years earlier. Yoon had gone to live in the countryside with his right hand man Sung Han and Myung, a young girl he'd saved from being killed by the Prime minister's men. The country is having many issues and food is short. Muck of them are the PM's doing. He's totally ruthless and human lives mean nothing to him.

The King send Heo to ask Yoon to help find and kill the monster. The King suspects it's the Prime Minister behind the beast but there is no proof. A large group of men are organized, they march into the woods intending to flush the beast and kill it. The group is half civilians rounded up to help and 100 of the Prime Minister's soldiers. The soldiers soon turn on the civilians but the monster shows up and all hell breaks out.

The rest of the movie is about trying to survive the monster and the Prime Minister. There's plenty of action, colorful locations, a great giant monster, plenty of court intrigue, an incredibly scummy villain, endless slaughter and wonderful explosions. Entertaining enough for me to order the Blu-ray. I will want to see this one again.

Men On The Hour 1977 Written and directed by Ming-Hua Chen. A dull kung fu film made soporific by the dubbing. It was a struggle to get through the thing. I have rarely seen a worse kung fu film. You can check it out on YouTube but I wouldn't recommend it.

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The Knight Of Shadows: Between Yin And Yang 2019 Written by Liu Bohan and Jian Wen, directed by Vash.

Every couple of years I go out and look for Jackie Chan DVDs, there's usually something I haven't seen yet. In this action fantasy movie Jackie is a demon hunter who lives in a house on a pinnacle of rock. He shares the place with some fairly friendly demons. Jackie hunts bad demons and that's a good thing, the nearby town has a nasty but beautiful lady demon who's collecting 16 year old girls. They've been imprisoned in a tapestry until lady demon is ready to suck out their souls to prolong her life. The town's magistrate is upset because his daughter is the latest girl to disappear. Jackie soon figures out what's up but he's got a fight on his hands, that lady demon is a nasty piece of work.

There's plenty of action and running about during the movie, much of it augmented by CGI sets and characters. There's plenty of flying through the air, one of Jackie's demon pals can turn into a flying boat with Reed Richard arms. Good thing, what with living on the top of a pinnacle of rock and someone falling off the boat all the time.

I enjoyed the movie, especially the first half, the last half bogs down here and there with all the melodrama concerning the romance of two characters. It's colorful film with beautiful and stunning scenery. I liked the film's sense of humor. Glad to have picked up a copy, I'll want to watch it again sometime.

Beyond The Infinite Two Minutes 2020 Written by Makoto Ueda and directed by Junta Yamaguchi.

A guy discovers his TV is a portal to the future. Trouble is, it's only two minutes ahead. All the action takes place in a small apartment block. The man lives in an apartment above a restaurant, his TV is broadcasting an image from the restaurant below that two minutes in the future. Several people interact with themselves from two mins into the future. Odd complications start happening when they try to extend the time from 2 mins to 4 mins etc. It looks bad when some criminals come by but the time police will help sort that out.

It's all filmed in one long take with everyone moving about from place to place in the building. They do quite well on that. Not that I was trying to catch them out on the action, I was having enough to do to keep up with the story. I enjoyed it, it's more entertaining and clever than many of the recent Indy time travel films that I've seen. Many of those were tragically dull with story's that end tragically because the scientists were stupid. This film has a fun premise and a good sense of humor. The acting was alright and the characters believable. I doubt I'll get the DVD, I might never get around to it again.

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Benny Loves You 2019 Written, produced and directed by Karl Holt. It's a British horror comedy about a murderous puppet with Karl playing the main character.

Karl still lives with his parents, he's a toy designer who's having a poor time at work where he's not coming up with interesting toys. On his 35th birthday his parents are killed in a freak accident, nearly a year later he's about to lose the family home because he's crap at his finances. He's never had to survive on his own because he stayed at home with mom and dad. Karl is a big loser at work too, he's fallen so far in the company the owner fires him. He then hires him back for a low level job with a big pay cut. Loser that Karl is he stays on.

While packing up he's convinced himself he needs to adult up and he decides to throw Benny, his favorite toy as a child, into the bin. Benny becomes a homicidal murder machine, starting with all of Karl's stuffed toys and then grinding up the neighbor's cat with a lawnmower. Karl calls the police and they come by, they think he's been stalked by someone but they can't find any evidence of a break in.

Benny kills the estate agent and Karl has to clean up and hide the body. The police turn up to pick up a camera they left there. More and more people are killed and everywhere Benny goes turns into an abattoir. For no reason that any of us could understand Karl hooks up with his co-worker. Most of the other co-workers are killed when Benny is taken to the office by that co-worker. Benny can't stand anyone but him getting any of Karl's love so he tries to kill her. Lucky for them the local coppers save their lives and help cover up Benny's murder spree by blaming it on one of Karl's co-workers. It's OK he was a pretentious twat and no body liked him. Besides, who would believe it was a puppet anyway.

The movie struggles to be funny, many of the jokes fall flat. I found it predictable and I'm usually pretty blase about that sort of thing. It could really have used a punch up in the script department. I think Karl is a better director than he is a writer. He made a decent looking film that cut together pretty well. I did get a few laughs out of it, Benny was usually entertaining. I don't feel I need to see it again but I was glad to have seen it. That Benny doll above is about $35 on Amazon. A little too much for me but I like it.

Bleeding Steel 2017 Written and directed by Leo Zhang. I bought a copy of the Blu-ray because I like to have Jackie Chan movies. I don't keep up with him though, I'm usually playing catch up. I see from a quick scan on Amazon I need to order a few more Jackie films. I'll have to go check the IMDb and make a list so I don't miss any. I'm not sure I'm that interested in the mountain climbing movie.

Jackie is a cop with a dying daughter, he's on his way to the hospital to be with her but police work interferes. He gets involved with a massive fight with a grotesque costumed villain called Andre and his black leather clad henchmen. They're after Doctor James and his metal heart. There's a big battle and Jackie blows up the villain. Jackie is lucky to be alive but he finds his daughter has died.

Thirteen years later we meet some other characters in Sydney Australia. Turns out that Jackie's daughter didn't die, she received the Doctor James metal heart and magical cell rejuvenation serum. She's grown up in an orphanage and doesn't know that Jackie is her dad. More costumed villains show up, the baddie from the big explosion among them. There's plenty of action as Andre tries to kidnap Jackie's daughter. He wants her blood for a transfusion.

The action scenes are big and noisy, there's plenty of bullets flying, high tech pistols blasting, explosions and people jumping around and punching each other. There's a big fight on the roof of the Sydney Opera House and you really get a good view of the roof tiles. Sadly the script is so poor that it lets the movie down. It's filled with nonsense and cliches, it lacks any good humor. The dubbing isn't very good either. I bought my copy from Hamilton Books and it's the Canadian edition. It only has English or French audio, the US has a Mandarin track. I put that on my Amazon Wishlist. It might be worth the tenner.

Crimson Bat The Blind Swordswoman 1969

 

Crimson Bat The Blind Swordswoman 1969 Based on the manga by Teruo Tanaka, screenplay by Hajime Takaiwa and Ichirô Miyagawa, directed by Sadatsugu Matsuda. This is the first of four films from Shochiku. Daie's Zatoichi films were really popular at the time and Shochiku wants to get some bums into the theater seats with their blind swordswoman.

In a flashback we see Oichi as a child, on a stormy night her mother and father abandon her in the woods. Lightening hits a tree while she's trying to run after them and she's blinded by the flash. She survives with the help of a couple of foster fathers and now she's grown up and making her way in the world.

Sadly Yôko Matsuyama isn't quite as good an actor as Shintaro Katsu. Yôko's face only seems to have one expression and she never seems to close her eyelids. That's Yôko in the blue kimono, the other lady is a dice dealer. Yôko's alright at moving about and sword fighting. The story is similar enough to a Zatoichi story, with Yôko helping some person in trouble and killing a lot of baddies. I liked it despite my complaints. I would watch it again and I'd watch the sequels if I had them.

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Vengeance Is A Golden Blade 1969 Written by Meng-Hua Ho and Yun Chih Tu, directed by Meng-Hua Ho.

That's Li Zhishan, his wife is fooling around with one of the Vicious Long Brothers. The VLBs are a rival security company who earn extra income robbing their clients. Business has been poor for the VLBs after Li began offering his security services. He's got a non-robbing security service. The Brothers decide to eliminate the competition and take Li's fancy, and unbeatable Golden Sword.

Li is hurt in the fight, a servant bundles him into a wagon with is young daughter and they all escape to the mountains. They find shelter with a herbalist and 18 years pass. The young daughter is now an adult, she's been trained up in the martial arts but doesn't know much of anything about her past.

Li allows his daughter to go into the city he used to live in and that unravels their secret existence. The wife sees the young woman and can only think of selling her virginity to the sleazy son of a rich official. Things go down hill from there, pretty soon most everyone is dead.

It's got some OK action and sword play, typical of the time, but the story is filled with clumsy bits and characters that act in their own worst interest. For a guy in security Li does one stupid thing after another. Early on he finds his wife cheating, again, and orders her to poison herself. He gives her the poison and leaves her alone in the house with the poison. She manages to poison Li and that helps the VLBs overpower him and take the sword. Li never tells his daughter anything of her past and that leaves her vulnerable. It's all very clumsy and I wished it was just better in general. There are so many more interesting films of the time, this one is barely average.

Deadlock 1970 Written and directed by Roland Klick. It's a German film shot in Israel which is standing in for the American West. It's filmed like a western and manages to use a lot of western tropes, all rather post-modern like.

A guy driving that truck sees a man lying in the desert. The man has been shot, he's carrying a machine guy and a suitcase with some cash in it. The truck driver takes him to the abandoned mining town he's living in, he's got an idea to let the guy die and keep the money but he's not that hard and he eventually saves the guy.

The guy is expecting a friend, turns out that friend is the guy who shot him in the first place. The trio fumble around while the money remains hidden. Ultimately nearly everyone lies dead on the desert ground.

It's way too slowly paced for me and there's little to like about any of the characters. I've seen better anti-hero kind of westerns, I wouldn't need to see this one again. The box says the film has developed a cult following, we all agreed we hadn't joined the cult.

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New York Ninja 2021 Originally written and directed by John Liu, 2021 writer and director Kurtis M Spieler.

John Liu shot his film in 1984 and after the distribution company went bankrupt it remained unedited and unreleased until Vinegar Syndrome finished it this year. Kurt M Spieler used the raw footage to assembled a movie, then had the dialog dubbed in by an interesting gang of actors: Don "The Dragon" Wilson, Michael Berryman, Cynthia Rothrock, Linnea Quigley, Vince Murdocco, Matt Mitler, Leon Isaac Kennedy and Ginger Lynn. I didn't know who Vince or Matt or Leon is but it doesn't matter. I didn't read it anywhere but I suspect that John shot his movie without sound. The common practice of Chinese film makers at the time. Maybe they still do.

It's a revenge story, John Liu plays the husband of a woman killed by street toughs during a kidnapping. The gang kidnap women on the streets to sell as sex slaves. The wife just happened to be there at the wrong time. John dresses up as a ninja and hunts down the gang. He attacks and there are plenty of fights. Sadly, they just aren't very good fights, some of the worst I've seen. They seem like slow motion training videos. John Liu is the martial arts choreographer and he's not doing that good a job. He's not doing so well on his acting either. Some of his mugging to the camera is laughable but not in a good way. John made most of his 2 dozen films between 1972 and 1982, I can't say I've seen any of them, they aren't the popular films that I recognize.

The revenge story is pretty standard fare, the villains are where the film takes a slight dip to wacky land. The menacing street thugs dress and act comically and all I could think of is how clumsy it all looked. The head baddie is so radioactive he can kill with his hands. Most of his murderin' effects weren't that good. There's a bunch of cops and reporters involved and they aren't much better at the old acting game than John was. It's nice that VS salvaged the film and released it, it's too bad it's just so poor. I don't imagine I'll be picking up this one.

Curse Of The Undead 1959 Written by Edward Dein and Mildred Dein, directed by Edward Dein. It's listed on the Kino Lorber DVD box as the first vampire western. I do like the poster.

A small town has had some young women die from what the local doctor, played by John Hoyt, thinks is a wasting disease. Soon John finds out what's killing the women, it's a vampire, played by Michael Pate. Michael plays a good villain. If you watched a lot of TV from that era you would have seen Michael as a guest star on many shows. I really liked two of his earliest films, The Black Castle and The Strange Door.

There's a local baddie who's trying to take over other people's land in the area through force, he's played by Bruce Gordon, another character actor that appeared on oodles of TV from the same time. Michael sets his eyes on the local widow rancher played by Kathleen Crowley. Lucky for her, she's got Preacher Dan on her side, he's played by Eric Fleming, and he can kick some vampire ass.

I enjoyed it, it's a nice looking film, it's got a nice mood. I liked the characters, the locations, sets and props worked well. The script mixed the two genres well without changing much of the mythology people expect from either. Someone mentioned the movie dragged a bit in the last third and I thought the same thing. It doesn't make me like it any less, glad I picked it up, I'll watch it again.

Avengers From Hell 1981

Avengers From Hell 1981 Screenplay by Kin Lo, directed by Pei-Chuan Li. A guy I know passed along a few 1980s Chinese horror films from the Shaw Brothers that haven't had a DVD release.

It's an anthology movie, 3 stories with ghosts and murder. In the first, a cop runs into a ghost in an abandoned house, in the second Philip Chan is cheating on his pregnant wife when he kills his pregnant lover, in the last a ghost helps a man win at gambling. They'll all have a bad time with the ghosts, some of them won't survive.

Nothing special about it, just a good average film that delivers some noisy action, murder, and a bit of comedy. My only complaint, too much Mahjong.