PRIMITIVE SCREWHEADS

Friday Night Movies 1028

Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard 2021 Story by Tom O'Connor, screenplay by Tom O'Connor, Brandon Murphy and Phillip Murphy, directed by Patrick Hughes. Sequel to The Hitman's Bodyguard.

Michael Bryce is seeing a therapist about his loss of license to be a Triple A bodyguard. She tells him he should take a sabbatical from guns and take a vacation. His vacation is interrupted by the arrival of Sonia Kincaid, she's looking for help getting her hubby back from the gangsters who kidnapped him. Now he's involved in the middle of a scheme to destroy Europe's economy with some magical software that turns the power grid into a ticking time bomb. A Greek billionaire who's mad that the EU is leveling sanctions on Greece.

It's a globe trotting shoot 'em up with plenty of laughs and a huge body count. Greg cast in Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L Jackson, Salma Hayek, Antonio Banderas, Morgan Freeman, Richard E Grant, It got poor reviews form the critics and it didn't make enough money. I sure liked it more than they did. I laughed a lot, as did others in the room, and I would want to watch the pair of films again.

Le Magnifique 1973 Written by Philippe de Broca, Francis Veber and Jean-Paul Rappeneau, directed by Philippe de Broca. The film was also called The Man From Acapulco, referring back to de Broca's That Man From Rio from 1964. I think that's the only other film by de Broca I've seen.  

Jean-Paul Belmondo plays a spy novel writer François who's struggling to finish his 43rd book which is due in a few days. His imagine runs wild and he starts putting the people around him in his book. Jacqueline Bisset is his pretty neighbor, she becomes the romantic interest for the spy character. François's mean and sleazy publisher Pierre becomes the Albanian Head of the Secret Service Karpov. François is upset with his plumber and kills him off twice in the book.

The movie jumps between the reality of François life and the fantasy of the action novel. It gets more and more ludicrous as the movie plays out. There's some fun stuff going on and a few good laughs. Not as funny to me as the first movie tonight but I still enjoyed it. I'd watch it again and plan to listen to the Blu-ray commentary track.

Cry Uncle! 1971

Cry Uncle 1971 Based on the novel Lie A Little, Die A Little by Michael Brett, screenplay by David Odell with additional dialogue by Allen Garfield and John G Avildsen, directed by John G Avildsen. I read 2-3 novels by Brett back in the 80s but never read any others. John Avildsen directed a few movies I saw, Joe, Neighbors, The Karate Kid, Rocky, the only one I rewatch is Neighbors. I can't believe I would need to see the rest of his lot.

Allen Garfield plays private eye Jake Masters. He's a slobby, class lacking sort of guy who's ready to shag any woman that comes near him. He takes a case from a millionaire who's wanted by the police in a murder investigation of a dead cocktail waitress. She'd filmed the millionaire with three prostitutes and blackmailed him for $50,000 to keep it a secret. Now she's dead and millionaire man wants Jake to find the real killer.

Jake has a nephew called Keith for an assistant, they team up with the millionaire's head of security, a woman called Cora. Jake tries to hump her but she's not interested, instead she takes a tumble in the hay with younger fitter Keith. The trio question the prostitutes and all sorts of other sleazy people. Cora shows a violent side and Jake cuts her from the interviews.

Jake gets tied up by a couple of the prostitutes, they run off when their pal gets murdered. Jake gets free and follows one of the prostitutes to a house, he has sex with her while she's passed out face down on a bed. The other prostitute interrupts the action and it's discovered the unconscious woman won't be waking up, there's a bullet hole in her forehead. That Jake's a rapey dirty bastard but he does manage to find the killer. Mostly be accident. He nearly gets killed but the police save him in time by blasting the killer. Home he goes.

It's sort of a funny film but the jokes are weak at best. There's not much plot but there's plenty of nudity and sex. Some might say you see too much of Allen Garfield naked. Some might not want to see that. Some of the actors aren't that good but they do show a lot of skin. The original film company went out of biz and Troma picked up the film for their catalog. It fits well with their company style. Troma head man Lloyd Kaufman has a cameo as a hippy. I found the crappy copy I have on the internet 6 years ago. It'll probably be longer than that before I get back to it. I'm not going to buy the DVD even at 8 bucks.

A Pair Of Briefs 1962

A Pair Of Briefs 1962 Based on the 1960 play How Say You? by Harold Brooke and Kay Bannerman, screenplay by Nicholas Phipps, directed by Ralph Thomas, produced by Betty E Box and Earl St John. Nicholas Phipps was an actor and screenwriter, he is mostly known for the Doctor series of film. I've seen quite a few of the films Ralph Thomas directed, including the 1959 version of The 39 Steps with Kenneth More. It's my favorite version of the novel. Ralph Thomas is also the director of the Doctor series of films. His  brother Gerald Thomas is the director of the Carry On... series of films. Betty E Box is married to Carry On... producer Peter Rogers. British law is different, they've got two types of lawyers, solicitors and barristers, the solicitor handles the preparation of the case before trail, the barrister handles the trial work in front of the judge. 

A young woman called Frances Pilbright is a junior barrister, she's also the niece of the senior barrister in the firm. She gets put into an office with Tony Stevens, also a junior barrister. He's had a few cases but they are rather unexciting, mostly dealing with sewer complaints. Tony gets a bit put out when a choice case for "restitution of conjugal rights" is given to her. Frances and Tony have already had the annoying incident in the road before they officially meet at work. Neither comes across so well.

Frances's client is a lady who says she married a guy during WW2. She got bombed shortly after the ceremony and lost her memory. She gets it back years later and decides to find her husband. The marriage registry was bombed, she has no  marriage certificate or any other proof. Frances decides to take her case. Tony finagles the husband's side of the case from his solicitor. The case doesn't go so well for the wife, no proof, no claim. After an outburst at the end of the case our newbie barristers are teetering on being disbarred. It all works out in the end with a dopey  ending.

Much of the movie is rather familiar, sadly there's nothing much special in story to stand out. Micheal Craig and Mary Peach don't have any chemistry for a couple falling in love. The rest of the cast is fairly good. There's an early appearance by Judy Carne. The wife turns out to be smarter than most of the law talking people. The judge seems to have her number when her shenanigans are revealed. It's not one of Ralph's better comedies. I had a couple of laughs but wish there were more and better jokes. I wouldn't rush to see it again. The posters make it out to be more sexy than the actual film can deliver. You can see it on YouTube.

The Brass Bottle 1964

The Brass Bottle 1964 Based on the 1900 novel The Brass Bottle by Thomas Ansley Guthrie, screenplay by Oscar Brodney, directed by Harry Keller. Sidney Sheldon was inspired by the movie to create a female genie as a foil for Larry Hagman on I Dream Of Jeannie.

Tony Randall plays an architect who's engaged to Barbara Eden. Her parents rush back from vacation to try to put a stop to the marriage plans. Tony picks up a brass bottle for the father but winds up keeping it when he sees the same as a lamp in his house. The parents talk the couple into waiting. At home Tony decides to open the brass bottle.

Burl Ives plays the genie, soon as he pops out fo the bottle the chaos begins. Tony gets slammed with one bad thing after another, all from the genie trying to make his life better. It gets so bad Tony wind sup in jail. The situations are pretty broad and there's a good bit of slapstick. Eventually things work out for the better.

I think I had seen this when I was a kid but nothing much was familiar to me. The comedy is rather like I Dream Of Jeannie but with something for Barbara Eden to do that was more interesting. It looks nice and I had a few laughs. I had picked up the Kino Lorber Blu-ray and watched that. The only extras are a handful of trails and a commentary with film historian Lee Gambin. Not the best commentary, he's a character but it does include a good long interview with Barbara Eden. Lee's questions for were where a mixed bag. Poor Barbara was well into her 80s and her memory is failing. Still, better than mine at times.

 

 

This Man Is News 1938

This Man Is News 1938 Written by Basil Dearden, Roger MacDougall and Allan MacKinnon, directed by David MacDonald.

Alastair Sim is Lochlan Macgregor, the editor of a newspaper, Barry K Barnes plays  reporter Simon Drake, Valerie Hobson is Drake's wife Pat. Drake pranks his editor with a fake murder only to have his joke turn him into the main suspect when the victim turns up dead for real. The police really bear down on Drake after the dead man's son turns up deceased in Drake's apartment. The editor fires and rehires Drake through the movie.

A bit of a screwball comedy, there's plenty of activity and some jokes. Sadly there's not much by way of posters or lobby cards. I liked the film and I am looking for the 1939 sequel This Man In Paris. I'd certainly watch it again despite the poor quality of the copy I saw.

Friday Night Movies 1021

Future Cops 1993 Written and directed by Wong Jing. A Chinese action comedy that's loosely based on the game Street Fighter II: The World Warrior. It's not an authorized adaptation so they can't use the real character names. Wong had already adapted Street Fighter characters in the Jackie Chan film City Hunter. Wong directed that in 1993 along with 7 other films. He'd officially adapt the game in 1994 with the release of Street Fighter: The Ultimate Battle.

The movie starts in 2043, The General is trying to take over the world, the Future Cops are trying to stop him. The General's plan is to go back in time and kill the judge that's sentencing him in the future. The Future Cops use a time machine to go into the past to stop The General's gang members. Andy Lau, Jacky Cheung and Simon Yam are the Future Cops. Ken Lo plays The General, his minions are played by Ekin Cheng, Billy Chow and William Duen.

Back in 1993 the Future Cops contact Tai-hung, the future judge, and stay at the family house. Dicky Cheung plays Tai-hung, Chingmy Yau plays his sister Chun-may, Kingdom Yuen plays the mother Chun-doi and Richard Ng plays her boyfriend Uncle Richard.

Tai-hung gets picked on at school but the Future Cops help him out. There's a lot of stuff going on at the school and some of the gags are fun. Wong is the king of wacky comedy, often called Makes No Sense Comedy. His jokes aren't always funny, some go over my head because I don't get the gag, other are just plain dumb fart jokes and the like. The last half the movie is packed with action and huge set pieces. The sets take a beating as people smash through walls and ceilings. Eventually the baddies are defeated and things get back to normal.

I thought I might have seen this back in the 90s when there was a lot of Asian Martial Arts cinema happening locally. It turns out it was only 2014 when I saw it. It was Friday Night Movies 504 - 11-29-2014. I enjoyed most of the movie and might watch it again someday. 

The People's Joker 2023 Written by Vera Drew and Brit LeRose, directed by Vera Drew. An unofficial parody of The Joker and Batman comics.

It's a dystopian future and Batman is real, once he retired Gotham City has fallen into the control of the baddies. In Smallville Kansas a young boy wonders about his gender, he asks his mother if he was born in the wrong body. Mom's a high strung woman who shouldn't be raising plants. She sends him to Arkam Asylum for some therapy, Dr Crane prescribes Smylex, a vape that gives the user a forced smile and covers up some of the depression and anxiety.

Fifteen years later our young boy is calling herself Vera. She takes a chance and leaves for Gotham City to try to join the cast of UBC Live. It's a sketch comedy show with a program to create jokemen. She works with her favorite jokeman Ra's Al Ghul. Vera becomes a Jokeman because of her mostly male attributes. Sadly in the comedy world of the future, women are assigned to be nameless Harlequins to serve as dancers for the Jokemen. Vera starts her own anti-comedy troupe and takes the name Joker the Harlequin. She sets up in an abandoned theater. I did enjoy some of the stand up here though it's pretty hit or miss.

It's an interesting looking film with plenty of animation and special effects. The movie gets more and more complicated as more characters and concepts are introduced. I can't say I wholeheartedly enjoyed the movie. There were a few bits that made me laugh but many of jokes fall flat. It's not something I would watch again, not because it's bad, mostly because it's just a drama about someone struggling with life, drugs, gender and dating. I'm not really interested in the drama, something I triage from my viewing when possible. Life's too short to spend it watching miserable people telling me their troubles. I mean, who would want to hang out with the Kramers, not this fuckin' guy, I'll tell you that for free.

The Chinese Tea-set 1979

The Chinese Tea-set 1999 Written and directed by Vitaliy Moskalenko. A Russian comedy.

A ship is carrying passengers from Tsaritsyn to Nizhny Novgorod to celebrate the 300th anniversary of the Romanov dynasty. Some con men are planning to rig a poker game to cheat the rich men on board.

There's some comedy and some noise. I enjoyed it well enough. I picked up a copy at MOSFILM on YouTube.

Las Vegas Hillbillys 1966

Las Vegas Hillbillys 1966 Written by Larry E Jackson and directed by Arthur C Pierce. Another Woolner Brothers production.

Ferlin Husky plays Woody. When we meet him he's hauling wood for some moonshiners. The moonshiners have a still in the woods and day we meet Woody is the day it blows up because of a stuck valve. It's also the day Ferlin finds out he's inherited a casino in Las Vegas. He takes his battered old truck there to see what the place looks like. Not much. It's run down and not located on the strip with the more popular casinos. It a bit out of town and lumbered with $38,000 in debt.

Ferlin wants to clean the place up and offer country music. He gets some help from singer Boots Malone, played by Mamie Van Doren, and his Ma, played by Billie Bird. Ma used to hire acts for a place back home and she calls in some favors from some performers. There's a spot of trouble with the car dealer who keeps asking for the money owed on a car Woody's uncle just bought. The car dealer's muscle is Richard Kiel. Jayne Mansfield plays a local club owner who helps Woody out. They all band together to clean the place up and put on an evening of entertainment.

It's mostly good natured, there's a few laughs and some slapstick but it's below average. The musical numbers are about the same. I found a copy on Rarelust. I'll keep it but doubt I'll get around to watching it again anytime soon.

Friday Night Movies 1019

Black Tight Killers 1966 Written by Ryūzō Nakanishi and Michio Tsuzuki, directed by Yasuharu Hasebe. A Japanese spy film spoof. We watched the Radiance Films Blu-ray.

Honda is a war photographer, he's just finished an assignment in Vietnam, on the plane back to Japan he meets a flight attendant called Yuriko. They meet up for a drink after the flight, leaving the club separately a creepy guy attacks Yuriko. She's helped out by three black tight wearing ladies. Honda shows up a bit late only to be beaten by the ladies. They run off.

Soon after someone kidnaps Yuriko, Honda chases after her. He finds out there are a couple of groups competing for a treasure that Yuriko's father left behind when he died. Honda forms a bit of an alliance with the black tight gang, sadly the gals get picked off one by one. Eventually Honda and Yuriko prevail and the movie ends with them heading back to their jobs.

There's plenty of fights and gun play, lots of running about and nice scenery. It's a fun bit of business and I enjoyed it. I'd watch it again. For those too cheap broke to buy all the Blu-rays out there, you can download it at Rarelust.

Bunny The Killer Thing 2015 Written by Joonas Makkonen and Miika J Norvanto, directed by Joonas Makkonen. A Finnish slasher comedy based on the director's previous short film. It's part of a two movie DVD set with Sky Sharks.

A couple arrive at their vacation house only to be attacked by a man with a shotgun, he kills the woman and kidnap the man. The man wakes up in a dirty lab, two men give him a shot of some silvery serum. The man reacts to the shot immediately, he shakes and moans then breaks free with his new found strength. After beating the men the man  runs away. The animation in the opening credits shows the man changing into a man size bunny with an enormous wang.

After the credits we are introduced to some folks going camping. Lucky for them they picked the part of the forest where the bunny man is raping and killing. He's uncontrollably horny, he'll rape anything and everything that looks like a vagina. He continuously whirls his wang as he attacks.

It's plenty gory and very violent, not something for the average viewer, but there are plenty of laughs to be had from some of the gags and situations. Not surprisingly it got poor reviews in Finland but it's since got a bit of following on disc. I enjoyed it well enough, I might even watch it again.

Hillbillys In A Haunted House 1967

Hillbillys In A Haunted House 1967 Written by Duke Yelton and directed by Jean Yarbrough. A musical horror comedy film that's a sequel to The Las Vegas Hillbillys.

Ferlin Husky plays band leader Woody Wetherby, he's heading to Nashville with his band. Their car breaks down, Woody and company take shelter in an abandoned house. Turns out the place is haunted. Turns out the house is secretly occupied by three spies. They're played by Lon Chaney Jr, Basil Rathbone and John Carradine. They're there to steal a rocket fuel formula.

There's some gags and some of them were funny. There's a handful of songs but nothing to write home about. Despite being rather poor, I sort of enjoyed it, I might even watch it again sometime. I'm downloading the first movie from Rarelust but it will take a while. You can watch this movie on YouTube.