PRIMITIVE SCREWHEADS

Friday Night Movie 874

The Thing Below 2004 Written by Raul Inglis and Keith Shaw (under the name Lindsay James), directed by Jim Wynorski under the name Jay Andrews. According to the IMDb Jim left the production before the special effects were done. They sucked and that might be why he changed his name credit.

A substance was brought up from a deep sea drilling project. No one's sure what it is so they send a sample to another location by ship. The stupid people in charge are idiots and in a big hurry, they send the ship out in a severe storm. The jar containing the substance is broken in a classic display of bad lab safety. The dark mass turns into an intelligent telepathic murdering mass of tentacles. The transport ship goes missing.

The Captain of the missing ship has a brother who has a ship. The brother goes to the rescue and finds the missing ship, the Captain is the only one left alive on his ship. They leave the ship and travel to the oil rig to see if anyone is left alive. Hardly anyone is and some more of them die.

Sadly it's all pretty poorly written, with plenty of cliches and coincidences mouthed by all sorts of cartoon cutout characters. The CGI of the ship on the sea and the creature are both really poor. I thought I hadn't seen it but my Watched Movie List says I had, four years ago almost to the day, probably something on Amazon Prime. Totally forgettable, shouldn't have watched it the first time, let alone today.

Censor 2021 Director Prano Bailey-Bond co-wrote the script with Anthony Fletcher. Prano is Welsh and it's her first feature film, she'd directed some shorts a few years ago.

Niamh Algar plays Enid, she works at the British Board of Film Classification in 1985. There was a big stink back then as people reacted to some of the more nasty horror films coming out on VHS. Some were nicknamed Video Nasties and video shops would rent out these movies for anyone to watch. There was a group for decency working to ban these horrible films and the authorities helped. Business's were raided and prosecuted. You can read more at the link above.

Enid and her co-workers watch the videos to classify them and recommend censoring the film where needed. Some films are simply beyond the pale and they get banned. Most of the films have been released uncut in the UK in recent years.

The video nasties are really the set dressing for the stage where Enid rapidly loses her mind and becomes a homicidal psychopath. It all stems from Enid's missing sister, lost when they were children. Enid took her into the woods and then couldn't remember what happened to her. It's caused a big rift between her and her parents. They've declared the sister dead but Enid clings onto to the belief that she might still be alive.

Enid watches a film that has a scene that appears similar to the memory of her trip into the woods with her sister. She finds another film by the same director and becomes fixated on an actress, thinking she looks like her sister grown up. A visit to the producer ends poorly to say the least and a visit to the set of the film the actress is currently working on ends with even more slaughter.

Decent into madness films aren't always the ones that I want to watch but I'd rather watch this than the one with the what are you looking at guy. It's quite well made with a good cast but I don't have any urge to watch it again. I gave it a 6 on the IMDb, it's current average, I might have given it a 7 but it yelled in my face and that's so rude.

The Phantom Speaks 1945

The Phantom Speaks 1945 Screenplay by John K Butler, directed by John English.

A doctor believes a man can come back from the dead if he's got a really strong will, he convinces a murder on death row of this before he's sent to the electric chair. Turns out the dead guy does come back, trouble is he's got to to take over the mind and body of the doctor to do it. The dead man in charge of the doctor's body kills some people and puts the doctor in a hot spot.

That's the trouble with some of these smart guys, they never seem to brainstorm all the bad stuff that can happen. When he figures out what's going on he can't turn himself in or commit suicide because the baddie takes over.

There's a reporter, he's covering the doctor's visit to the killer and canoodling with the doctor's daughter. By the end of the film he's about the only one that knows what might of happened to the doctor. It ends rather darkly but typical treatment of the monster for that time period, the guilty must pay even if they are innocent. The film mixes some goofy humor in with the murdering, as well as a few chilling scenes. It kept me interested to the end. You can check it out on YouTube in the link above.

Friday Night Movies 870

New York Ninja 2021 Originally written and directed by John Liu, 2021 writer and director Kurtis M Spieler.

John Liu shot his film in 1984 and after the distribution company went bankrupt it remained unedited and unreleased until Vinegar Syndrome finished it this year. Kurt M Spieler used the raw footage to assembled a movie, then had the dialog dubbed in by an interesting gang of actors: Don "The Dragon" Wilson, Michael Berryman, Cynthia Rothrock, Linnea Quigley, Vince Murdocco, Matt Mitler, Leon Isaac Kennedy and Ginger Lynn. I didn't know who Vince or Matt or Leon is but it doesn't matter. I didn't read it anywhere but I suspect that John shot his movie without sound. The common practice of Chinese film makers at the time. Maybe they still do.

It's a revenge story, John Liu plays the husband of a woman killed by street toughs during a kidnapping. The gang kidnap women on the streets to sell as sex slaves. The wife just happened to be there at the wrong time. John dresses up as a ninja and hunts down the gang. He attacks and there are plenty of fights. Sadly, they just aren't very good fights, some of the worst I've seen. They seem like slow motion training videos. John Liu is the martial arts choreographer and he's not doing that good a job. He's not doing so well on his acting either. Some of his mugging to the camera is laughable but not in a good way. John made most of his 2 dozen films between 1972 and 1982, I can't say I've seen any of them, they aren't the popular films that I recognize.

The revenge story is pretty standard fare, the villains are where the film takes a slight dip to wacky land. The menacing street thugs dress and act comically and all I could think of is how clumsy it all looked. The head baddie is so radioactive he can kill with his hands. Most of his murderin' effects weren't that good. There's a bunch of cops and reporters involved and they aren't much better at the old acting game than John was. It's nice that VS salvaged the film and released it, it's too bad it's just so poor. I don't imagine I'll be picking up this one.

Curse Of The Undead 1959 Written by Edward Dein and Mildred Dein, directed by Edward Dein. It's listed on the Kino Lorber DVD box as the first vampire western. I do like the poster.

A small town has had some young women die from what the local doctor, played by John Hoyt, thinks is a wasting disease. Soon John finds out what's killing the women, it's a vampire, played by Michael Pate. Michael plays a good villain. If you watched a lot of TV from that era you would have seen Michael as a guest star on many shows. I really liked two of his earliest films, The Black Castle and The Strange Door.

There's a local baddie who's trying to take over other people's land in the area through force, he's played by Bruce Gordon, another character actor that appeared on oodles of TV from the same time. Michael sets his eyes on the local widow rancher played by Kathleen Crowley. Lucky for her, she's got Preacher Dan on her side, he's played by Eric Fleming, and he can kick some vampire ass.

I enjoyed it, it's a nice looking film, it's got a nice mood. I liked the characters, the locations, sets and props worked well. The script mixed the two genres well without changing much of the mythology people expect from either. Someone mentioned the movie dragged a bit in the last third and I thought the same thing. It doesn't make me like it any less, glad I picked it up, I'll watch it again.

The Laughing Dead 1990

The Laughing Dead 1990 Written and directed by Somtow Sucharitku under the name SP Somtow. This is Somtow's first feature film as a director, the other was called Ill Met By Moonlight, which I've not seen. Somtow once wrote an episode of Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers and 4 episodes of Dinosaucers. I've seen the former but not the later.

I saw this back in 1990 when a local guy got a VHS tape from the director. The film didn't get a US release but Somtow showed it at SF conventions a few times. It did eventually show up on DVD, usually packaged with another film, recently there's been a Blu-ray release.

It's 80s Asian horror transplanted to the US southwest and mixed with Mexican mythology. Somtow plays the evil Dr Um-tzec, he loves sacrificing people and ripping their hearts out. He's got his eyes set on the son of Father Sullivan. The Father is leading an archeology expedition to Mexico. Dr Um-tzec seems a bit weird at first but soon enough his true nature comes apparent. There's the typical sort of slaughter with a fair bit of gore. They did pretty well for a small budget and a group of film makers that haven't had much experience. From the making of documentary Somtow wasn't supposed to direct but the woman hired stepped down and he was forced to direct. Some others helped.

I remember liking it on the first watch, much of that like was the fun of seeing it in a group and enjoying the appearance of several SF authors in the cast. You may or may not have heard of any of them: Tim Powers, Tim Sullivan, Gregory Frost, Larry Kagen, Wendy Webb, Arthur Byron Cover, William F Wu, Len Wein. Edward Bryant, Forest Ackerman, Bill Warren and his wife Beverly. After seeing it now, the rose off the bloom, I can see why it scores a 4.2 on the IMDb. It's entertaining but it's still below average. It's nice seeing it widescreen and with a nicer image than that old VHS tape. You can check out the copy on YouTube, you might like it, at least you'll know if you might want to spend the money on the Blu-ray. It's a stonking $35 on Amazon. It's hardly worth that.

Friday Night Movies 867

Spookies 1986 Written by Thomas Doran, Brendan Faulkner, Frank Farel, with additional material by Ann Burgund, directed by Brendan Faulkner, Thomas Doran and Eugenie Joseph.

The Wikipedia has an explanation about the making of the film:

Spookies started out as a feature film entitled Twisted Souls, written and produced by Frank Farel, Brendan Faulkner and Thomas Doran and directed by Faulkner and Doran.^[1] Principal photography for the film began at the Jay Estate in Rye, New York in late summer of 1984 and finished in October of that same year.^[1] Twisted Souls was being edited when creative and legal issues between the producers and the financial backer prevented final post production work (final editing, scoring, post-effects, etc.) from being carried out.

The original Twisted Souls footage directed by Faulkner and Doran consists of all the travelers who arrive in two cars and all the monsters and effects they encounter within the house. The monsters include: the demon Ouija girl, the muck men, the spider woman, the snake demons, the hallway demon and the Grim Reaper.^[1]

In 1985, the financial backer of Twisted Souls hired Eugenie Joseph to direct more footage, which was pieced together with the finished footage from Twisted Souls to create Spookies.^[1] The added scenes, written by Ann Burgund (under the name Joseph Burgund), feature an entirely different cast and include all the footage of the boy looking for his birthday party, the man in the tree, the cat-man, the old magician, the girl in the coffin, zombies, the witch in the basement/cave and the little blue boy.^[1]

The end result is a below average silly horror film with annoying characters. The original monsters are fairly interesting with decent make up. The additional monsters are much less interesting, with the zombie horde only slightly more interesting than the living. There's a watchable copy on YouTube for those are interested in seeing the film but less interested in spending money on the new Blu-ray. I won't be bothering with the Blu-ray myself, there are plenty of other films I want to buy first.

Explorers 1986 Written by Eric Luke and directed by Joe Dante.

I've had the DVD on my Amazon Wishlist for ages but it always got pushed further down the list by other films. I remember liking it when I saw it in the theater when it came out but upon seeing it now I'm liking it less. Especially the third act with the aliens, mostly embarrassing.

I deleted the DVD from my Wishlist, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't bother watching it again. I'd watch something like The Last Starfighter instead. That was more fun.

Friday Night Movies 866

Big Bad Wolf 2006 Written and directed by Lance W Dreesen. I hadn't remembered seeing this back in 2006. That post is in the title above. I didn't think it was going to be such a short while before I saw it again. It's still about average. I probably don't need to see it again at this point. That's an ugly poster.

The Snake Girl And The Silver Haired Witch 1968 Based on the comic Hebi Onna by Kazuo Umezu, screenplay by Kimiyuki Hasegawa, directed by Noriaki Yuasa. The comic was published in the US under the name Reptilia in 2006. The director is also the director of the first series of Gamera films.

A young orphan girl called Sayuri finds out that her parents are alive and they want her to come live with them. They live in a nice house, the mother is an amnesiac from an accident and the father is a scientist specializing in snake venom study.

When Sayuri arrives at the house she's greeted by an ambulance, the maid had just died from a heart attack. The father has just learned he's got to leave right away for an opportunity to study a rare snake in Africa. He's gone until the very end of the film.

The next night Sayuri finds a snake in her bed but after her mother and the housekeeper arrive it's gone. There's also someone in the attic, looking at Sayuri's bed through a hole in the ceiling. Things start to get more and more serious and deadly for Sayuri. She's a plucky girl who stands up to danger in the end.

It moves a bit slowly for me but I was still entertained enough to order the Arrow Blu-ray. I'll want to watch it again.

Elves 1989

Elves 1989 Written by Jeffrey Mandel, Mike Griffin and Bruce A Taylor, directed by Jeffrey Mandel.

Some stupid girls have a pagan ritual in the woods and Kristen's blood activates an ancient evil elf. He's an ugly bugger but he's got a plan for world domination. He's going to mate with Kristen and produce a race of elves from her womb. Unbeknownst to Kristen, her grandfather is an ex-Nazi, there are some active Nazis in town and they've come looking for Kristen. Dan Haggerty plays a ex-cop with a drinking problem. He gets a job as a department store Santa and stumbles into the elf Nazi nuttiness. He helps Kristen fight the elf and the Nazis.

It's a below average movie for me, there's nothing that stands out here. Elf guy is pretty poor, he's hardly articulated. There's a bit of nudity, a bit of gore, plenty of running about and a cliche ending. You can check it out on YouTube but there's no real reason unless you've interested in seeing as many genre films as you can.

Avengers From Hell 1981

Avengers From Hell 1981 Screenplay by Kin Lo, directed by Pei-Chuan Li. A guy I know passed along a few 1980s Chinese horror films from the Shaw Brothers that haven't had a DVD release.

It's an anthology movie, 3 stories with ghosts and murder. In the first, a cop runs into a ghost in an abandoned house, in the second Philip Chan is cheating on his pregnant wife when he kills his pregnant lover, in the last a ghost helps a man win at gambling. They'll all have a bad time with the ghosts, some of them won't survive.

Nothing special about it, just a good average film that delivers some noisy action, murder, and a bit of comedy. My only complaint, too much Mahjong.

Friday Night Movies 864

Satanic Panic 2019 Screenplay by Grady Hendrix, direction by Chelsea Stardust.

On her first day as a pizza delivery girl Samantha runs afoul of Rebecca Romijn and her nest of Satan worshipers. The coven needs a virgin to bring forth Baphomet and their first choice, Rebecca's daughter, gave her virginity up when she found out she's going to die during the process. Since Samantha is a virgin and right there, Rebecca attempts to use Samantha for her new sacrifice but the general incompetency of the coven, and the help Rebecca's daughter, give Samantha a fighting chance.

There's a fair bit of humor and gore with plenty of dumb characters providing some slapstick action. It looks good, it moves along quickly, and it's got a fairly solid story. I thought it was better than average, say a 6 on the IMDb. You can check it out for yourself on YouTube while it's up there. See link above.

Legion Of The Dead 2005 Written and directed by Paul Bales. Paul became the Chief Operating Officer at the films production company The Asylum the year after this film came out. It's the only film he's directed, though he has written 9 others.

The story is about accidentally finding a secret Egyptian tomb in the California desert. The hieroglyphs say that an ancient princess was so evil they sent her body over the sea to be buried. A lightening storm lights up the old gal and she awakens as a beautiful young woman. Her lust for power brings death to the dig and the students get slaughtered one or two at a time.

There's too much melodrama in the mix, the main character, played by Courtney Clonch, was involved with the doctor who heads the dig, a guy on a previous dig had something for Courtney but she choose the doctor and he's all pouty she's at this dig. Courtney's sister shows up on the site just as the princess needs a virgin for a sacrifice.

Bruce Boxleitner plays the local sheriff, he doesn't appear that often, hired for a day or two to add a name to the credits that someone might have heard of before. The Wikipedia says that Bruce and co-star Zack Galligan are on screen for a total of ten mins running time. They also say that their scenes don't really add anything to the story. That's for sure, in fact, there are other scenes in the film that are filler. Sad, it's only an 82 min movie.

There's a fair bit of action and noise, plenty of slaughter and a couple of jokes. Sadly, it's not all that good. Despite the poorly lit scenes, poor acting, and mediocre dialog, it's more watchable than much of the product from The Asylum. The worst thing about it was the absolutely abysmal soundtrack, the voices were too quiet, music and effects too loud. That sound guy needs to get some training or a whack in the pee-pee from the flaming skull of Paul Naschy. You can test drive in on YouTube, see link above.

Burnt Offerings 1976

Burnt Offerings 1976 Novel by Robert Marasco, screenplay by William F Nolan and Dan Curtis, directed by Dan Curtis.

Oliver Reed and Karen Black are a married couple who rent a mansion from Burgess Meredith and Eileen Heckart. It's a steal and that's because there's evil afoot. The couple arrive with their son and Betty Davis. Lee Montgomery is the son, he was played the human lead in Ben. The place is big and cheap, there's a catch, they've got to do a bit of grounds maintenance and leave three meals a day for their ancient mother. She doesn't leave her rooms and doesn't want to talk to anyone.

Even at $900 for the whole summer that's no bargain what with the evil and all. The house turns their lives upside down and one bad thing after another happens. The family turn against each other and the house claims more victims.

I found myself less than interested as the film went on, I speed it up to 1.5 speed and still it plodded along, 116 mins is way too long. It's got a few creepy moments but nothing much stands out, other than the laughing hearse driver. It's a bland pudding of a thing, I doubt I'll watch it again.